This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to address urban challenges. While the response is relevant, it suffers from cohesion issues and limited development of ideas. Improving these aspects will help achieve a higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (263 words) and addresses the topic directly, stating strong agreement. However, it lacks depth in development, with limited exploration of ideas and no consideration of counterarguments. The structure is clear but repetitive, and language errors occasionally affect clarity. Overall, it is a competent response but with noticeable flaws.
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Moving large firms and industries, as well as their workers, from urban civilization to rural areas is a step in the right direction in tackling traffic congestion and accommodation challenges faced in major cities. I strongly agree with this opinion for quite a few reasons.
Moving finished products and goods from such companies located in urban areas is a major cause of traffic congestion in the cities where they are located. The Nigerian port in Apapa is located in the heart of the city, where there is an influx of large trucks trying to get into the port, pick up their supplies, and leave the port. The struggle to achieve this aim in an unorderly manner, as well as share the same road with other drivers, is the major cause of the congestion.
Also, workers finding suitable accommodations for themselves becomes a challenge. Moreso, there is always an increase in the population of people living in urban areas because a lot of people migrate there to seek greener pastures and job security, with limited spaces to accommodate them. Moving companies to rural areas with a lesser population will make securing workers' accommodation less challenging, as it is one of the best ways of ensuring the well-being of employees.
Relocating large firms and industries, as well as their workers, from urban areas to rural areas solves the problem of traffic congestion and accommodation in major cities. Large trucks won't have to share the same roads with cars, and the well-being of workers will be ensured if they are able to secure comfortable accommodations easily.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| unorderly | disorderly |
Grammatical Mistakes
2 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| in an unorderly manner | in a disorderly manner | Incorrect adjective; 'disorderly' is the standard form, requiring the article 'a' instead of 'an' |
| with a lesser population | with a smaller population | Adjective misuse; 'lesser' is used for degree or importance, while 'smaller' is appropriate for population size |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| greener pastures | better opportunities | Idiom is informal; use more formal alternative in academic writing |
| Moreso | Moreover | Informal transition word; use standard academic conjunction |
| quite a few | several | Informal quantifier; 'several' is more appropriate for formal essays |
| won't | will not | Contraction is informal; use full form in formal writing |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position and stays on topic, but the development is limited. Reasons are given but not fully extended, and there is no discussion of potential drawbacks or the extent of agreement beyond surface-level points.
Examples
The example of the Nigerian port in Apapa is relevant to traffic congestion but is not elaborated to show how relocation would solve the issue in a broader context. The point about accommodation is repeated without detailed analysis.
How to Improve
To improve, expand on each reason with more detailed examples and consequences. Consider opposing views, such as the economic impact on cities or challenges in rural areas, to provide a balanced argument. Clearly state the extent of agreement in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weakened by repetition and limited use of linking devices. Paragraphs are short and could be better connected.
Examples
The introduction and conclusion are very similar, both stating agreement without adding new insights. Body paragraphs lack transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas, e.g., between traffic congestion and accommodation points.
How to Improve
Use a variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'on the other hand,' 'as a result') to link sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops one main idea. Avoid repeating the same points in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is generally appropriate for the topic but with some inaccuracies and limited range. There are instances of awkward or non-standard word choices that affect precision.
Examples
'Urban civilization' is not idiomatic; 'urban areas' or 'cities' would be better. 'Unorderly' is incorrect; 'disorderly' is standard. 'Greener pastures' is idiomatic but slightly informal for academic writing.
How to Improve
Work on using more precise and varied vocabulary related to urban and rural issues. Avoid informal expressions and proofread for word choice errors. Use synonyms to avoid repetition, e.g., 'housing' instead of 'accommodation' where appropriate.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammar is mostly understandable but contains several errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Sentence structures are predominantly simple, with limited complex sentences.
Examples
'Moving finished products and goods from such companies located in urban areas is a major cause...' is awkwardly phrased. 'The struggle to achieve this aim in an unorderly manner' has grammatical issues (e.g., 'unorderly' and article usage).
How to Improve
Practice using a wider range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. Review grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositions. Proofread carefully to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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