Achieving a Band 6 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 requires clarity and grammatical accuracy. This essay on relocating businesses discusses both sides, but struggles with grammatical errors and clarity in ideas. Improving these areas can enhance your writing and overall band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay addresses the topic and provides a balanced perspective, but it lacks depth in argumentation and contains several grammatical and lexical issues. Improvements in grammar, vocabulary, and idea development are needed to achieve a higher band score.
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A number of individuals argue that migration of major businesses and cmpanies from cities to remote areas will be a best solution to reduce traffic congestions for big cities. I partly agree with this view because it will be a short term solution but for long term solution, we should adopt innovative tchniques and strategies to encounter this problem.
On the one hand, some people believe that if big factories and housing societies shift from urban terretory to small towns and villages it will mitigate traffic burden in cities. Because people will travel to rural areas and as a result, rushes on bus and railway stations also reduce. It means people will purchase bus tickets without spending too much time standing in queues as well as reduce the risk of anxiety and depression. For instance, a study show that when people spend time in queues they will be anxious and depressed.
On the other hand, there are others who think that migration from main cities is a short term solution. They argue that if the government want to build cities, they should designs maps of the whole infrastructure and place every housing societies and cummercial buildings in its right point. Moreover, plan to establish wide roads to decrease the traffic load on highways and motoways. For example, research suggests that when the cities are build on proper planing, then it will be a good place for living without any difficulties.
In conclusion, both stances have their own feasibility and viabilities; however, migration of businesses from cities is not a long terms solution, while proper strategies can help to build towns in a good way. I believe that the most propitious approach to this contentious topic is that if engineers design cities well planed it will be helpful and people will love to live in that place without any hesitation.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| cmpanies | companies |
| tchniques | techniques |
| terretory | territory |
| cummercial | commercial |
| motoways | motorways |
| planing | planning |
| belive | believe |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a best solution | the best solution | Article misuse: 'best' requires the definite article 'the'. |
| for long term solution | for a long-term solution | Article and hyphenation: 'long-term' needs a hyphen and 'a' is required to specify. |
| mitigate traffic burden | mitigate the traffic burden | Article misuse: 'the' is needed to specify 'traffic burden'. |
| Because people will travel to rural areas | because people will travel to rural areas | Capitalization: 'because' should be lowercase as it continues the sentence. |
| a study show that | a study shows that | Subject-verb agreement: 'study' is singular, thus 'shows' is needed. |
| want to build cities, they should designs maps | want to build cities, they should design maps | Verb form: 'designs' should be 'design' to maintain consistency with the modal verb 'should'. |
| every housing societies | every housing society | Subject-verb agreement: 'every' is followed by a singular noun. |
| when the cities are build | when the cities are built | Verb form: 'build' is the base form; past participle 'built' is needed. |
| a good place for living | a good place to live | Correct preposition for expression: 'to live' is correctly phrased. |
| long terms solution | long-term solution | Improper plural and hyphenation: 'long-term' is adjective modifying 'solution'. |
| well planed | well-planned | Spelling and hyphenation: 'planed' should be 'planned' with a hyphen. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| rushes on bus and railway stations | congestion at bus and railway stations | 'Congestion' is a more precise term than 'rushes'. |
| to encounter this problem | to address this problem | 'Address' is a more appropriate term in this context than 'encounter'. |
| purchase bus tickets without spending too much time standing in queues | purchase bus tickets quickly without long queues | More concise and academic phrasing. |
| a good way | an efficient manner | 'Efficient' is more academic than 'good'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task and provides a partial agreement with the statement. It discusses both the benefits of relocating businesses and the limitations of this approach, offering an alternative solution. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and some points lack sufficient explanation or examples.
Examples
For instance, the essay mentions that relocating businesses will reduce traffic congestion but does not explore the potential challenges of such a move, such as the economic impact on rural areas or the feasibility of relocation.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more detailed and well-supported arguments. Discuss the potential drawbacks of relocation and elaborate on the proposed alternative solutions with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay is organized into paragraphs with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the ideas within paragraphs are not always logically connected, and transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt.
Examples
For example, the transition between the discussion of traffic congestion and the mention of anxiety and depression is not clearly linked. Additionally, the conclusion introduces new ideas rather than summarizing the main points.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices more effectively to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Ensure that the conclusion focuses on summarizing the main arguments rather than introducing new information.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there are frequent errors in word choice and spelling, which reduce clarity and precision.
Examples
Examples include 'cmpanies' instead of 'companies,' 'terretory' instead of 'territory,' and 'planing' instead of 'planning.' Additionally, phrases like 'good place for living' could be expressed more naturally as 'a desirable place to live.'
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary and focus on using precise and appropriate words. Pay attention to spelling and word forms to avoid errors that detract from the overall quality of the essay.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect readability and accuracy. These include subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect article usage, and awkward phrasing.
Examples
Examples include 'migration of major businesses and cmpanies... will be a best solution' (should be 'the best solution') and 'if the government want to build cities' (should be 'if the government wants to build cities').
How to Improve
Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by reviewing common errors such as subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. Practice writing complex sentences while ensuring they are grammatically correct.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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