This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to alleviate urban congestion. While it addresses both benefits and drawbacks, coherence and grammatical errors hinder clarity and depth. Let's explore how to enhance coherence and refine language choices.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (268 words) and addresses the prompt with a clear partial agreement, discussing both benefits and drawbacks of relocation. However, ideas are not fully developed, and coherence is affected by grammatical errors. Vocabulary is adequate but with inaccuracies, and grammar has frequent errors that hinder clarity.
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in many large cities, traffic congestionand the shortage of housing have become serious problem. some people believe that relocating major businesses and other industries, along with workers to rural area could solve these problems. i personally agree with this notion that its not a complete solution.
on the one hand, moving large companies to the rural areas could significantly reduce pressure on cities. when industries operate in urban centers they attracts thousands of workers and it increases the demand for housing and leads to on the roads" title="Correction: overcrowding on the roads">overcroweded on roads. In addition, rural areas would benefit economically as a new jobs infrastrusture could improve living standards and reduce regional inequality.
on the other hand, relocating businesses and industries is not easy even not practical for all sectors. Many industries rely on strong transport links, skilled workers, and access to markets which are more easily available in cities . forcing employ to move may also disrupt their family lives, education, and access to healthcare. Moreover, simply transferring businesses does not address the problen at deeper level, such as poor facilities in rural areas and low transport system which are major causes of congestion and housing shortage.
in conclusion, which relocating industries and businesses may ease the in urban areas" title="Correction: problems in urban areas">urban areas problem but its not a complete solution of these issue. A more effective point is to develop cities improve the housing, manage a good public transport system, make better planning, i believe that moving theses businesses toward rural areas is not a comprensive solution of cities problems because countryside area is already facing massive problems which can lead to another issue for urban people.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| congestionand | congestion and |
| overcroweded | overcrowded |
| infrusture | infrastructure |
| problen | problem |
| comprensive | comprehensive |
| theses | these |
Grammatical Mistakes
19 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| in | In | Sentence should start with a capital letter. |
| some | Some | Sentence should start with a capital letter. |
| i | I | Capitalization error: first person pronoun 'I' should always be capitalized. |
| its | it's | Contraction error: 'it's' is short for 'it is'. |
| on | On | Sentence should start with a capital letter. |
| attracts | attract | Subject-verb agreement: 'industries' is plural, so verb should be 'attract'. |
| it increases | which increases | Pronoun reference unclear; 'which' can refer to the entire previous clause. |
| overcroweded on roads | overcrowding on the roads | Spelling and article error: 'overcroweded' should be 'overcrowding', and 'the' before 'roads'. |
| a new jobs infrastrusture | new job infrastructure | Article and noun form error: 'infrastructure' is uncountable, so 'a' is not needed; 'job' should be singular as modifier. |
| even not practical | not even practical | Word order error: 'not even' is the correct phrase. |
| employ | employees | Incorrect noun form: 'employ' is a verb; use 'employees'. |
| at deeper level | at a deeper level | Article missing: 'a' before 'deeper level'. |
| low transport system | inadequate transport system | Collocation error: 'low' does not appropriately describe 'transport system'; 'inadequate' is better. |
| which relocating | while relocating | Conjunction error: 'which' is not appropriate here; 'while' introduces contrast. |
| urban areas problem | problems in urban areas | Noun phrase error: rephrase for clarity and correctness. |
| these issue | these issues | Subject-verb agreement: 'these' requires plural 'issues'. |
| develop cities improve the housing | develop cities, improve housing | Run-on sentence; need comma to separate clauses. |
| of cities problems | to the problems of cities | Preposition error: 'solution to' is the correct collocation. |
| countryside area | rural areas | Redundant phrase; 'rural areas' is more concise. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| point | approach | Informal word; 'approach' is more precise and academic. |
| make better planning | improve planning | Collocation error: 'make planning' is not idiomatic; 'improve planning' is correct. |
| another issue | other issues | Since multiple problems are implied, 'other issues' is more appropriate. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The response is relevant and presents a position (partial agreement), but development is somewhat superficial. Both sides are covered, but arguments could be more detailed with specific examples.
Examples
Mentions reduced urban pressure and rural economic benefits, but lacks depth on how relocation might practically solve congestion or housing. The conclusion introduces new points about improving cities without fully linking them to the argument.
How to Improve
Expand on key points with concrete examples, such as case studies of relocation efforts. Ensure the conclusion summarizes the argument without introducing unrelated ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but cohesive devices are sometimes misused, and flow is disrupted by grammatical errors.
Examples
Uses 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' appropriately, but transitions between sentences are clumsy (e.g., 'in conclusion, which relocating industries...'). Paragraphing is clear but could be more logically connected.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however') to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress smoothly.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task, but there are spelling errors and imprecise word choices that reduce clarity.
Examples
Misspellings: 'overcroweded' for 'overcrowded', 'infrustructure' for 'infrastructure', 'problen' for 'problem'. Awkward phrasing: 'A more effective point is to develop cities improve the housing...'
How to Improve
Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Expand vocabulary related to urban planning (e.g., 'commuting', 'suburbanization') and use more precise terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Attempts complex sentences are made, but frequent grammatical errors affect meaning and accuracy.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'they attracts' instead of 'they attract'. Word form: 'forcing employ' instead of 'forcing employees'. Punctuation: missing commas and incorrect capitalization (e.g., 'i' instead of 'I').
How to Improve
Focus on verb agreement, correct word forms, and punctuation. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, and review basic grammar rules.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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