This Band 6 IELTS opinion essay discusses the relocation of businesses from urban to rural areas. While it engages with relevant ideas, it suffers from consistency issues, particularly in the conclusion where the author's position becomes unclear. Improving clarity and ensuring a consistent argument would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Urban Planning Β· 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
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Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (283 words) and stays on-topic, arguing against relocation. However, the conclusion contradicts the stated position with 'I therefore agree,' causing confusion. Ideas are relevant but lack depth. Cohesion is logical but with repetitive phrases. Vocabulary is adequate but has inaccuracies, and grammar contains errors that occasionally hinder clarity.
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Globally, the issue of traffic jams and lack of housing in major cities has been a major concern. Proposals to relocate big businesses and companies from urban to rural places has been given in order to address this phenomenon. This essay will discuss this trend and and explain why I strongly disagree with this assertion.
In general there are primary factors considered before people set up their businesses or industries in a specific site. These could include accessibility as well market. However, moving them to upcountry means less accessibility as well as lack of labor.
Primarily, business and industries in large cities are normally situated in places where the infrastructure is well developed. For example, a well constructed road network allows not only workers to trave to and from work but also the products to be delivered and sold. If the industry will be moved to the remote places, which are normally characterized by poor roads, service delivery as well as that of the products will be affected therefore leading to losses which may eventually lead to its closure.
In addition, industries need many people to work there. In the rural areas, the population is sparse and is for this reason that houses will be few. Although, the population in urban area is big and houses are scarce, social amenities are improved compared to those in upcountry. For instance, in such overcrowded places, there is a school, and a hospital.
In conclusion, urban places are the best suited places to set up an industry or a business because of its improved network and availability of labor, I therefore agree that for such institutions to thrive, they should be located in the major cities.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| trave | travel |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| has been given | have been given | Subject-verb agreement: 'Proposals' is plural, so use 'have' |
| and and | and | Repetition of conjunction |
| In general there are | In general, there are | Missing comma after introductory phrase |
| as well market | as well as the market | Incomplete phrase; missing 'as' and article |
| business and industries | businesses and industries | Pluralization: 'business' should be plural to match 'industries' |
| a well constructed road network | a well-constructed road network | Hyphenation: 'well-constructed' is a compound adjective |
| If the industry will be moved | If the industry is moved | Conditional tense: use present simple for future conditions |
| service delivery as well as that of the products will be affected | service delivery and product delivery will be affected | Awkward phrasing; simplify for clarity |
| its closure | their closure | Pronoun agreement: referring to multiple industries, so use 'their' |
| In the rural areas, the population is sparse and is for this reason that houses will be few. | In rural areas, the population is sparse, which is why houses are few. | Awkward construction; improve sentence structure |
| Although, the population in urban area is big and houses are scarce, social amenities are improved compared to those in upcountry. | Although the population in urban areas is large and houses are scarce, social amenities are better compared to those in rural areas. | Remove comma after 'Although', use 'large' instead of 'big', 'better' instead of 'improved', and 'rural areas' instead of 'upcountry' |
| In conclusion, urban places are the best suited places to set up an industry or a business because of its improved network and availability of labor, I therefore agree that for such institutions to thrive, they should be located in the major cities. | In conclusion, urban places are the best suited places to set up an industry or a business because of their improved network and availability of labor. I therefore agree that for such institutions to thrive, they should be located in major cities. | Run-on sentence; split into two sentences and change 'its' to 'their' for agreement |
Vocabulary Improvements
13 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big businesses | large businesses | Informal; 'large' is more appropriate in academic writing |
| rural places | rural areas | Standard term; 'areas' is more commonly used in this context |
| upcountry | rural areas | Informal or regional; use standard term |
| set up | establish | More formal and academic synonym |
| site | location | Better collocation for business context |
| as well market | as well as market access | Incomplete; specify 'market access' for clarity |
| less accessibility | reduced accessibility | More precise term |
| remote places | remote areas | Better collocation |
| big | large | Informal; use 'large' for population size |
| improved | more developed | More accurate description of amenities |
| overcrowded places | densely populated areas | More neutral and descriptive term |
| best suited places | most suitable locations | More concise and formal |
| institutions | businesses | More accurate term for companies or industries |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt by disagreeing with relocation, discussing infrastructure and labor. However, the conclusion's phrasing 'I therefore agree' contradicts the introduction's 'strongly disagree,' undermining the position. Development is adequate but limited.
Examples
Introduction: '...why I strongly disagree...'; Conclusion: '...I therefore agree that... they should be located in the major cities.' Body paragraphs argue against relocation based on infrastructure and labor.
How to Improve
Maintain consistent position throughout. Clearly state disagreement in introduction and reiterate it in conclusion without contradiction. Consider acknowledging potential benefits of relocation before refuting them to strengthen the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is affected by repetitive phrases and awkward transitions. Paragraphing is appropriate but topic sentences could be sharper.
Examples
Redundant conjunction: '...discuss this trend and and explain...'; Comma splice in conclusion: '...urban places are the best..., I therefore agree...'; Linking words like 'Primarily' and 'In addition' are used but could be more varied.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., however, furthermore) accurately. Proofread to avoid repetitions. Ensure each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and uses punctuation correctly to improve flow.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the topic with terms like 'infrastructure,' 'accessibility,' and 'sparse population.' However, there are lexical errors and informal expressions.
Examples
Informal term: 'upcountry'; Misspelling: 'traine' for 'travel'; Incorrect pronoun: 'its improved network' should be 'their improved network' for plural 'urban places.'
How to Improve
Use more formal and precise vocabulary. Avoid colloquialisms like 'upcountry.' Check word choice and accuracy. Employ synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., 'rural areas' instead of 'upcountry').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Issues include tense, subject-verb agreement, articles, and run-on sentences.
Examples
Incorrect conditional: 'If the industry will be moved' should be 'If the industry is moved'; Run-on sentence: '...poor roads, service delivery as well as that of the products will be affected'; Article error: 'in urban area' should be 'in urban areas'; Comma misuse: 'Although, the population...'.
How to Improve
Review grammar rules for conditionals, relative clauses, and punctuation. Practice constructing complex sentences with correct structure. Proofread to identify and correct errors in agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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