This Band 6 IELTS essay on video games addresses both sides of the argument, but lacks clarity and depth in its analysis. Enhancing the quality of examples and transitions will help improve overall coherence and engagement.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay provides a basic response to the given prompt, examining both sides of the argument on video games, but lacks depth in its analysis and examples. Coherence and cohesion are adequate, though transitions and linking words could be improved. The lexical resource is limited with some repetitive and simplistic language. Grammatical accuracy is fair, but some awkward phrasing and errors are present.
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In modern times, the issue of video games has become highly controversial. Many commentators are of the view that video games are essential, whereas others feel that it should not. In this essay, I will examine both sides of the argument and provide my overall opinion.
Generally speaking, there are two main reasons why people believe that video games are harmless. Perhaps the main reason why people are in favor of video games the reason is to acquire new skills. A good illustration of this is by using a computer; they know about new things. A further point in favor of it is the involvement with technology. If our younger generations are connected with science, their future will be bright.
Despite these arguments, many people feel that there are negative effects in the future, due to several reasons. The main reason why people think that it is harmful is that most of the time, students lose concentration from their education. As a result, uncertainty can be created. Secondly, for more attraction in video games, in daily life, one can be lazy. For example, when anyone is addicted to play in computer, then he does not want to do anything physically.
In conclusion, it must be said that video games have become a complex issue with no solution, and this is also very relevant to modern science. Having considered both sides of the issue, I would agree that this is actually negative for the better future of the students. So the family must restrict their child from playing in computer and incourages them go to playground.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| incourages | encourages |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Many commentators are of the view that video games are essential, whereas others feel that it should not. | Many commentators are of the view that video games are essential, whereas others feel that they should not be. | Pronoun agreement: 'video games' is plural and requires 'they' and 'be'. |
| A good illustration of this is by using a computer; they know about new things. | A good illustration of this is that by using a computer, people learn about new things. | Clarity and subject-verb agreement: Should specify 'people' as the subject instead of 'they'. |
| for more attraction in video games, in daily life, one can be lazy. | due to increased attraction to video games, one can become lazy in daily life. | Incorrect preposition and word order, corrected to enhance clarity. |
| So the family must restrict their child from playing in computer and incourages them go to playground. | So the family must restrict their children from playing on the computer and encourage them to go to the playground. | Proper pluralization and prepositional use: 'children', 'on the computer', 'encourage', 'to go to the playground'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| students lose concentration from their education. | students lose focus on their studies. | Replace 'concentration from their education' with 'focus on their studies' for clarity and precision. |
| For example, when anyone is addicted to play in computer, | For example, when anyone is addicted to playing on the computer, | Replace 'play in computer' with 'playing on the computer' for accuracy. |
| this is also very relevant to modern science. | this is also significantly relevant to contemporary technology. | Replace 'modern science' with 'contemporary technology' to enhance relevance and specificity. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task by discussing both positive and negative views on video games and provides an overall opinion. However, the arguments are not sufficiently developed, and the conclusion is rather general.
Examples
The essay mentions skills acquisition and technological involvement as benefits, but lacks specific examples. Similarly, negative impacts such as loss of concentration are mentioned without detailed support.
How to Improve
Enhance the depth and development of your arguments by providing more specific examples and evidence. Clearly define and elaborate on your conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but the transitions between ideas are not always smooth.
Examples
Phrases like 'Generally speaking,' and 'In conclusion,' are used, but connections between sentences and paragraphs could be clearer.
How to Improve
Improve the flow by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that each paragraph centers on a single clear idea with evidence to support it.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary with some repetition and basic word choice.
Examples
Words like 'reason,' 'feel,' and 'things' are repeatedly used.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by practicing with synonyms and more varied expressions. Aim to use precise and varied language to express your ideas more effectively.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
The essay shows a decent range of grammatical structures with mostly accurate usage, but there are awkward phrasings and minor errors.
Examples
Phrasing such as 'in daily life, one can be lazy' is awkward. Some sentences lack clarity and polish.
How to Improve
Review grammar rules and focus on writing complex and compound sentences accurately. Practice paraphrasing sentences to enhance clarity and flow.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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