This Band 6 IELTS essay on video games highlights key clarity issues and vague positioning. While it discusses both benefits and drawbacks, the lack of a clear stance affects its coherence. Learn how to improve your essay structure and argument effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Video games Β· 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (446 words) and addresses the topic by discussing both benefits and drawbacks of video games. However, it fails to clearly state whether drawbacks outweigh benefits, resulting in a vague position. Organization is basic but lacks smooth transitions, vocabulary is repetitive with errors, and grammar issues impede clarity at times. Overall, it is a Band 6.0 response.
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Video games, whether you play it or not we all know that it is a form of entertainment for people, ranging from children all the way to adults. Video games has been with us for quite a long time now, being introduced a few generations back as a small console as it slowly evolved and be interpreted in almost everything we know now.
For years people have argued about video games, some people says that it is just a form of entertainment, that it can teach us new skills, and make us meet people from across the globe, loving video games. On the other hand a lot of other people also disagrees with that opinion, saying that it teaches bad things to us, that its harmful for kids and is childlike to play it as an adult. Until now people still argue if video games are harmful or not.
Personally video games are not harmful and are just a form of entertainment for the newer generations of kids and adults, but without denying anything, video games can also be harmful to people who play it. There are actually quite a lot of positive sides to video games, as it can teach us skills that can be useful for us, like teaching us reflexes, how to work as a team and communicate with people we've never meet before, never giving up, and much much more. These positive are very useful for people, especially kids that are unable to go outside of their house often, whether its due to an illness or something else.
A common misconception with people is that with the many positive side of video games, people might think that it cant possibly be harmful to people, thats where people are wrong. Video games can also be harmful to people. For kids violent video games can show them violence, making the kid violent. Being able to talk to people around the globe also sounds like a very cool thing, being able to be friend with someone thats from a different country, but it can also be dangerous with people being able to fake identities and possibly trick people to give them money or meet in real life to kidnap them. excessive amount of video games can also harm people, hurting their eyes, brain and makes them not want to go outside and meet real people.
In conclusion the positive and negative side of video games are similar, having equally as good and as bad drawbacks from playing video games. Both opinions are not wrong and it just depends on perspective of the person playing video games whether it will be good for them or not.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
3 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| cant | can't |
| thats | that's |
| its | it's |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| play it | play them | Pronoun-antecedent agreement: 'video games' is plural, so use 'them'. |
| Video games has been | Video games have been | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject requires 'have'. |
| be interpreted | have been interpreted | Verb tense error: should use past participle for passive voice. |
| some people says | some people say | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, so use 'say'. |
| a lot of other people also disagrees | a lot of other people also disagree | Subject-verb agreement: 'a lot of people' is plural, so use 'disagree'. |
| we've never meet | we've never met | Verb tense error: present perfect requires past participle 'met'. |
| These positive are | These positive aspects are | Noun required: 'positive' is an adjective, so need a noun like 'aspects'. |
| with the many positive side | with the many positive sides | Noun number: 'many' requires plural 'sides'. |
| be friend with | be friends with | Idiomatic expression: 'be friends with' requires plural 'friends'. |
| excessive amount | An excessive amount | Article missing: 'amount' is singular, so need an article 'an'. |
| hurting their eyes, brain and makes | hurting their eyes and brain, and making | Parallel structure: use consistent verb forms in a list. |
| on perspective | on the perspective | Article missing: 'perspective' is singular, so need an article 'the'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| make us meet | enable us to meet | Informal phrasing; 'enable' is more precise and formal. |
| bad things | negative aspects | Vague term; 'negative aspects' is more specific and academic. |
| Personally | In my opinion, | Dangling modifier; 'Personally' should modify the speaker, so rephrase for clarity. |
| teach us reflexes | improve our reflexes | Inaccurate word choice; video games develop or improve reflexes, not teach them. |
| never giving up | perseverance | Informal phrase; 'perseverance' is a more academic term. |
| much much more | and many others | Repetitive and informal; use a concise alternative. |
| cool thing | beneficial aspect | Informal slang; 'beneficial aspect' is more appropriate for formal writing. |
| fake identities | assume false identities | Vague; 'assume false identities' is more precise. |
| trick people to give them money | deceive people into giving money | Informal and vague; 'deceive into giving' is clearer and more formal. |
| excessive amount of video games | excessive playing of video games | Incorrect collocation; 'playing' is more accurate than 'amount' in this context. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents both sides of the argument but does not take a clear stance on whether drawbacks outweigh benefits. The conclusion suggests that positives and negatives are similar, which avoids answering the question directly. Ideas are developed with examples but lack depth and analysis.
Examples
In the conclusion, the writer states: 'the positive and negative side of video games are similar, having equally as good and as bad drawbacks.' This indicates a balanced view rather than a decisive opinion.
How to Improve
Clearly state your position in the introduction (e.g., 'In my opinion, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks' or vice versa). Throughout the essay, support this stance with focused paragraphs and detailed examples. Ensure the conclusion reinforces your opinion without ambiguity.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraphing is weak, and ideas are not logically connected. Transitions between paragraphs are minimal, and some sentences are run-on or fragmented, affecting flow.
Examples
The first paragraph introduces video games but lacks a thesis statement. The shift from benefits (paragraph 3) to drawbacks (paragraph 4) is abrupt, with no linking phrase. Sentences like 'Video games, whether you play it or not we all know that it is a form of entertainment' are poorly constructed.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea. Employ cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the other hand,' 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast') to link ideas. Break long sentences into shorter, clearer ones and ensure each paragraph has a single focus.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling and word choice errors. The language is informal at times, and there is a lack of sophisticated lexical items.
Examples
Misspellings: 'cant' (should be 'can't'), 'thats' (should be 'that's'). Incorrect word forms: 'meet' instead of 'met' in 'people we've never meet before'. Repetition of 'video games' and 'harmful' without variation.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms (e.g., 'detrimental' instead of 'harmful', 'pastime' instead of 'entertainment'). Use a dictionary or thesaurus to check word meanings and forms. Proofread to correct spelling and punctuation errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, including subject-verb agreement, tense inconsistencies, and incorrect punctuation. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complex sentences that often contain mistakes.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'Video games has been' (should be 'have been'). Incorrect verb form: 'people says' (should be 'say'). Run-on sentence: 'For kids violent video games can show them violence, making the kid violent.' Missing capitalization: 'excessive amount' should start with a capital letter after a period.
How to Improve
Practice grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Use a variety of sentence structures (e.g., compound and complex sentences) correctly. Proofread carefully to identify and fix errors, and consider using grammar checking tools for practice.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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