This band 6 IELTS essay on video games highlights key areas for improvement, particularly in coherence and grammatical accuracy. While the author presents a clear opinion that benefits outweigh drawbacks, the essay suffers from underdeveloped arguments and frequent spelling errors. Reviewing this feedback can help you enhance your writing for better clarity and organization.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) Β· Video games Β· 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (304 words vs. 250 required) and addresses the topic with a clear opinion that benefits outweigh drawbacks. However, task response is limited due to underdeveloped arguments, especially on drawbacks. Coherence and cohesion are adequate but with some lapses in paragraphing and linking. Lexical resource is sufficient but with noticeable spelling errors and repetition. Grammatical range and accuracy are the weakest areas, with frequent errors affecting clarity.
Now write your own β and see how your verdict holds up.
Submit your Video games essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar β plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.
Due to the technology advancement, Entertainment industry is growing rapidly. video game is one of the recent development in this industry and some people believe skill learned by gaming is useful but others believe that it is affecting people in bad ways. I believe that the pros of video game outweign the cons.
In recent years, A new sport has developed named E-sports. as a result many young people who used to play games for fun , now have a opportunity to earn money through gaming which can eventually decrease the unemployment rate .For example, A game called Free fire has over 20 Million user and among them there are about 1 million streamer and reguler players and these people earn upto 10000 USD per year, nowadays video games has became a major job industry.
Another benifit of video gaming is these skilled gamers are representing their countries which is encourageing many investors to invest in the gaming industry of their country and with this not only the unemployment rate is reducing but also the government is receiving taxes which is helping the economy to grow. Philippines can be a example of this, the economy of Philippines is increasing rapidly and video gaming has a major contribution in it.
However, young people are getting addicted to video games. As a result they are getiing less interested about their study and some of them are quitting only for the video game addiction and some cases of violence can be found in recent years besides kids are getting involved in gaming and some of are becoming victim of online bullying.
To sum up, gaming is a recent developement which is acting as a entirely new job sector and it is helping both people and the country by reducing unemployment and helping to the growth of economy.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| outweign | outweigh |
| benifit | benefit |
| reguler | regular |
| getiing | getting |
| developement | development |
| encourageing | encouraging |
| upto | up to |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Entertainment industry is | The entertainment industry is | Missing article 'the' and lowercase for common nouns |
| video game is one of the recent development | Video games are one of the recent developments | Subject-verb agreement and pluralization required |
| skill learned by gaming is useful | The skills learned from gaming are useful | Missing article 'the' and preposition 'from' for better phrasing |
| have a opportunity | have an opportunity | Article misuse: 'an' should be used before vowel sounds |
| video games has became a major job industry | video games have become a major industry | Subject-verb agreement: 'games' is plural, so 'have' not 'has'; tense error: 'became' is past, but 'have become' is present perfect |
| As a result they are | As a result, they are | Missing comma after introductory phrase |
| Philippines can be a example | The Philippines can be an example | Article misuse: 'an' before vowel sounds and 'the' for proper nouns |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| in bad ways | negatively | Vague phrasing; 'negatively' is more precise and academic |
| nowadays | currently | Informal; 'currently' is more suitable for formal writing |
| about their study | in their studies | Wrong preposition; the correct collocation is 'interested in' |
| quitting only for | quitting due to | Informal phrasing; 'due to' is more formal and clear |
| helping to the growth of economy | contributing to economic growth | Awkward phrasing; 'contributing to economic growth' is more standard |
| besides | additionally | Informal conjunction; 'additionally' is better for formal writing |
Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.
Submit your Video games essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria β with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.
Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The candidate presents a relevant response with a clear opinion that the benefits of video games outweigh the drawbacks. However, the development of ideas is uneven. Benefits are discussed with examples (e.g., e-sports, unemployment reduction, economic growth), but drawbacks are only briefly mentioned in one paragraph without depth or balance. The conclusion repeats points without synthesis.
Examples
Examples include Free Fire having 20 million users and streamers earning money, and the Philippines' economy growing due to gaming. Drawbacks are listed hastily (addiction, study neglect, online bullying) but not elaborated.
How to Improve
Fully develop both sides of the argument with balanced analysis. Expand on drawbacks by providing specific examples or evidence. Ensure the conclusion summarizes key points and restates the position clearly without mere repetition.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraphing is inconsistent, and cohesive devices are sometimes misused. Ideas within paragraphs are not always logically sequenced, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from e-sports to unemployment without a clear link. The use of 'For example' is appropriate, but phrases like 'however' introduce a contrast but the following paragraph lacks development. The conclusion starts with 'To sum up' but simply restates earlier points.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce paragraph main ideas. Improve linking between sentences and paragraphs with a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, consequently). Ensure each paragraph focuses on one central theme.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks sophistication. There are several spelling errors and some word choice issues. Repetition of key terms (e.g., video games, gaming) reduces variety. Some topic-related terms are used correctly (e.g., e-sports, streamer), but others are misspelled.
Examples
Misspellings: 'outweign' for 'outweigh', 'benifit' for 'benefit', 'encourageing' for 'encouraging', 'developement' for 'development'. Repetition: 'video games' used multiple times without synonyms like 'digital games' or 'interactive entertainment'.
How to Improve
Proofread to correct spelling errors. Expand vocabulary by using synonyms and more precise terms. Practice using academic lexicon related to technology and social issues. Avoid repetition by paraphrasing.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammar is problematic with frequent errors in articles, verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Simple sentences dominate, and attempts at complex sentences often contain mistakes that hinder comprehension.
Examples
Errors: 'Due to the technology advancement' (should be 'Due to technological advancements'), 'a opportunity' (should be 'an opportunity'), 'has became' (should be 'has become'), 'which is encourageing' (should be 'which encourages'), 'some of are becoming victim' (should be 'some of them are becoming victims').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially articles, verb forms, and pluralization. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, ensuring accuracy. Use grammar check tools and seek feedback on written work to identify recurring errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
RELATED ESSAYS
01
People nowadays prefer to have adventurous and thrilling activities on their holidays, rather than relaxing in a distant place. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.
As we move further into the twenty-first century, it has been observed that due to modernisation and globalisation travelling has become more popular trend in r...
02
In some countries, more and more people are opting to live alone these days than before. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Write at least 250 words.
In few nations, nowadays many people are choosing to stay alone than before. From my perspective, it is a positive development because a man can live independen...
03
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?Write at least 250 words.ο»Ώο»Ώ
Many people used to say that moving geant organistion and firms with their employees far the cities can resolve problems with trafic and accomodation in large t...
04
In some countries, more and more people are opting to live alone these days than before. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Write at least 250 words.
Many people hold different opinions regarding living alone.Some people want to live alone as they wanted to spend their lives on their own terms.If they live al...
05
People nowadays prefer to have adventurous and thrilling activities on their holidays, rather than relaxing in a distant place. Do you agree or disagree? Write at least 250 words.
There is a lot of debate between citizen about people who going out on holidays and made some adventuous rather than getting some rest in their homes. while com...