This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the impact of video games, highlighting concerns like addiction and physical health. While a clear stance is presented, the response lacks a balanced discussion of both benefits and drawbacks, offering opportunities for improvement in depth and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 255 words and addresses the prompt by stating a clear opinion that drawbacks outweigh benefits. However, it lacks balanced discussion of benefits, and development of ideas is limited. Scores across criteria indicate a competent level with room for improvement in depth, vocabulary range, and grammatical complexity.
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Video games are seen as a form of leisure for some people who need entertainment and want to learn new skills. On the other hand, others argue that video games harm the people who play them, as they have negative impacts. I agree with this sentiment because I believe video games could harm our physical health and result in addiction.
Excessive use of video games can make individuals addicted to them and cause people to be more isolated from their daily lives. This could make individuals neglect their responsibility and decrease self-discipline. Isolation is proof that video games can make individuals antisocial. For instance, a kid who plays video games in his free time would not realise how fast the time goes and forgets to do his homework or daily tasks.
Spending too much time on video games plays a negative role in our physical health. This means that it can result in harming our eyes, causing bad posture, and a messed-up sleeping schedule. Bad physical health can affect our daily lives and burden an individual's financial state. To illustrate, people who play video games for too long should have to wear glasses to make sure that their eyesight does not decline over time.
In conclusion, the drawbacks of video games can outweigh the benefits. Video games could harm our physical health and result in addiction. This is why I believe that video games have a negative impact on people who play them, and they need to start limiting their time spent playing video games.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
2 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| forgets to do his homework | forget to do his homework | Parallel structure error; after 'would not realise', the verb should be in base form 'forget'. |
| should have to wear glasses | should wear glasses | Redundant phrasing; 'should have to' is unnecessary. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| messed-up sleeping schedule | disrupted sleeping schedule | Too informal for academic writing. |
| plays a negative role in | has a negative impact on | More precise and academic expression. |
| financial state | financial situation | Standard collocation. |
| kid | child | Informal term; use more formal alternative. |
| antisocial | socially isolated | 'Antisocial' can imply hostile behavior; 'socially isolated' is more accurate for reduced social interaction. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position but does not fully address the 'outweigh' aspect of the question. It mentions benefits briefly in the introduction but focuses solely on drawbacks in the body paragraphs, without evaluating benefits. Examples are provided but are underdeveloped.
Examples
The writer states 'I agree with this sentiment' and discusses addiction and physical health as drawbacks, using examples like a kid forgetting homework and eye strain requiring glasses. However, no benefits are explored beyond the introductory paraphrase.
How to Improve
To improve, discuss both benefits and drawbacks in detail before concluding which side outweighs the other. Provide more extended examples and evidence to support each point. Ensure the response directly engages with the 'outweigh' instruction by comparing both sides.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a logical structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used, but they are basic, and paragraph transitions could be smoother. Ideas within paragraphs are generally coherent.
Examples
Transitions like 'On the other hand,' 'For instance,' and 'To illustrate' are used. However, the connection between paragraphs is somewhat abrupt, and the flow could be enhanced with more varied linking words.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' 'Consequently') to improve flow. Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument. Practice organizing ideas to create more seamless connections.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks variety and sophistication. Some words are repetitive, and there is occasional use of informal language. Spelling and word choice are generally accurate.
Examples
Words like 'addiction,' 'isolation,' and 'physical health' are used correctly, but 'messed-up' is informal (better: 'disrupted'). The lexical range is limited, with few synonyms or advanced terms.
How to Improve
Incorporate more varied and precise vocabulary. Replace informal terms with formal alternatives. Use synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., 'detrimental' instead of 'negative'). Expand vocabulary related to technology and health for better topic-specific expression.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentences, but with some grammatical errors and limited structural variety. Overall, grammar is understandable but not always accurate.
Examples
Errors include subject-verb agreement in 'forgets to do his homework' (should be 'forget' to match 'would not realise'). Phrases like 'plays a negative role' are correct but simple. The sentence structures are mostly straightforward.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of sentence structures, such as conditional clauses, passive voice, and relative clauses. Proofread carefully to correct grammatical errors. Practice writing complex sentences to enhance range and accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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