This Band 7.5 IELTS essay on relocating businesses provides insightful arguments on urban issues. While coherent and well-structured, it needs to enhance grammatical variety for further improvement.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses the task by providing a nuanced perspective on the issue of relocating businesses to rural areas. It is well-organized and uses a good range of vocabulary. Minor improvements in grammatical variety and complexity could elevate it further.
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Relocating large companies, factories, and their employees from cities to rural areas is often considered a possible solution to urban problems such as traffic congestion and housing shortages. Although this approach may bring several benefits, I partly disagree that it is the best solution because it could also create new economic and social challenges.
On the one hand, moving businesses to rural regions could reduce population pressure in major cities. Large cities are usually overcrowded due to the concentration of industries and employment opportunities. As a result, roads become heavily congested and housing prices rise significantly. If some companies were transferred to smaller towns or villages, fewer people would need to live in urban centers. This could help decrease traffic jams, lower demand for accommodation, and improve the overall quality of life in cities. Furthermore, rural areas could benefit from new job opportunities, improved infrastructure, and economic development.
On the other hand, relocating industries is not always practical or effective. Many businesses depend on urban facilities such as transportation networks, skilled labor, suppliers, and modern technology. Moving them to rural areas could increase operational costs and reduce productivity. In addition, workers may struggle to adapt to rural life because cities generally provide better education, healthcare, entertainment, and public services. Another concern is that transferring large industries to the countryside might damage the natural environment and disrupt local communities.
In my opinion, rather than relocating businesses completely, governments should focus on improving urban planning and public transport systems. For example, developing efficient metro networks, encouraging remote work, and building affordable housing could solve these problems more sustainably.
In conclusion, while moving industries and workers to rural areas may help reduce traffic and housing issues in cities, it is not a perfect or long-term solution. Balanced regional development and better urban management would be more effective overall.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay thoroughly addresses the task with a clear position that is logically sustained throughout. It discusses both potential benefits and drawbacks of relocating businesses to rural areas and suggests an alternative solution.
Examples
The essay discusses reduced urban pressure and potential benefits for rural areas, as well as challenges such as increased operational costs and cultural adaptation issues.
How to Improve
To enhance the score, provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the impact of business relocation in real scenarios.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphs that support the development of ideas. Transition signals are used effectively to guide the reader through the argument.
Examples
Phrases like 'On the one hand,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion' assist in guiding the reader through the structure of the essay.
How to Improve
Improve coherence by enhancing the linkage between some arguments and their outcomes with smoother transitions or clearer connections.
Lexical Resource7.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary with a high degree of precision. There are occasional repetitions, but these do not detract significantly from the overall fluency.
Examples
Words and phrases like 'population pressure,' 'overcrowded,' 'operational costs,' and 'economic development' are well chosen and demonstrate varied vocabulary.
How to Improve
To reach a higher band, attempt to use more varied and nuanced vocabulary, avoiding any repetition of key terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
The essay displays a good range of grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy. However, increased variety in sentence structures and more complex forms could further improve the score.
Examples
The essay mainly uses simple and compound sentences effectively, with occasional complex sentences.
How to Improve
Work on diversifying sentence structures further by incorporating more complex sentence patterns and using a wider range of grammatical forms.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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