This Band 7.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay examines the opinion on relocating businesses and industries to rural areas. While the essay effectively addresses the task, it could enhance its arguments with more specific examples and improve cohesion between points to achieve an even higher score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay directly addresses the question, presents a clear position (largely disagree), and develops arguments with relevant points. It meets the 250-word requirement (295 words). The structure is logical, and language is generally precise. Minor areas for improvement include more specific examples and slightly more sophisticated cohesion. Overall, a strong Band 7.5 performance.
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Relocating large businesses, industries, and their employees from urban centers to rural areas is often proposed as a solution to traffic congestion and housing shortages in major cities. While this approach may offer some benefits, I largely disagree that it is an effective or sustainable solution to these complex urban problems.
On the one hand, moving companies and workers to rural regions could reduce population density in cities. Fewer commuters would likely ease traffic congestion, and the demand for housing might decline, potentially lowering property prices and rents. Additionally, rural areas could experience economic growth through increased employment opportunities, improved infrastructure, and a more balanced regional development. This redistribution of economic activity might also reduce the pressure on overburdened urban services such as public transport, healthcare, and education.
However, the drawbacks of such a policy are significant. First, relocating industries is both costly and logistically challenging. Businesses rely heavily on established infrastructure, supply chains, and access to skilled labor, which are typically concentrated in cities. Forcing or encouraging them to move could disrupt productivity and economic efficiency. Furthermore, many employees may be unwilling to relocate due to personal, social, or educational reasons, leading to dissatisfaction or even workforce shortages.
Another critical issue is that rural areas may not be adequately prepared to accommodate large populations. They often lack the necessary infrastructure, such as reliable transportation, healthcare facilities, and quality education systems. Rapid industrialization could also harm the natural environment in these regions, undermining their ecological balance.
In conclusion, although relocating businesses and workers to rural areas might slightly alleviate urban congestion and housing problems, it is not a comprehensive or practical solution. Governments should instead focus on improving urban planning, expanding public transport, and promoting affordable housing within cities to address these challenges more effectively.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses the prompt, clearly stating the writer's position (largely disagree) and discussing both sides of the argument. All points are relevant to the topic of relocating businesses to rural areas as a solution to urban congestion and housing. The conclusion offers a clear alternative suggestion.
Examples
The opening paragraph presents the stance: 'I largely disagree that it is an effective or sustainable solution.' The body provides balanced views: 'On the one hand...' and 'However...', with a distinct final paragraph focusing on rural preparedness.
How to Improve
Include more specific real-world examples or data to strengthen arguments. For instance, mention a specific city or relocation attempt (e.g., Jakarta's plan to move the capital to Nusantara) to add depth.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5
Evaluation
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs (pros and cons), a third body paragraph on rural infrastructure, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used adequately (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'However', 'Another critical issue is that', 'In conclusion'). Paragraphing is logical.
Examples
The transition 'On the one hand...' introduces benefits, while 'However, the drawbacks...' shifts to counterarguments. 'Another critical issue is that' adds a third supporting point for disagreement.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking phrases (e.g., 'Despite these potential advantages', 'Furthermore', 'Consequently') and ensure that pronouns reference back clearly. The essay could be slightly more cohesive by explicitly connecting the pros and cons to the main position.
Lexical Resource7.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is varied and appropriate for an academic essay. Words like 'alleviate', 'logistically challenging', 'disrupt productivity', 'ecological balance', and 'redistribution of economic activity' show good lexical range. There are no major errors, but some repetition ('rural areas' appears several times).
Examples
Good use of 'unsustainable solution', 'overburdened urban services', 'skilled labor', 'infrastructure', 'rapid industrialization', 'undermining their ecological balance'.
How to Improve
Introduce synonyms for 'rural areas' (e.g., 'countryside', 'regional zones', 'non-urban regions') and vary sentence openings. Consider using more sophisticated collocations like 'ameliorate congestion' or 'exacerbate housing shortages'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences (e.g., 'While this approach may offer...', 'Forcing or encouraging them to move could disrupt...'), conditional clauses, and relative clauses. Punctuation is correct, and there are no significant errors. Sentences are generally clear and accurate.
Examples
Complex sentences: 'Although relocating businesses and workers to rural areas might slightly alleviate urban congestion and housing problems, it is not a comprehensive or practical solution.' Use of passive voice: 'Rural areas may not be adequately prepared to accommodate large populations.'
How to Improve
Incorporate more varied structures such as cleft sentences (e.g., 'What this approach fails to consider is...') or inverted conditionals ('Had the government considered...'). Ensure subject-verb agreement in all cases (no issues found here).
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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