Achieving a band score of 7.5 in the IELTS Writing Task 2 requires a solid grasp of task response and argument balance. This essay discusses the relocation of industries and how it impacts job opportunities and economic efficiency. While effectively refuting relocation, the essay could benefit from exploring its potential advantages to present a more balanced view.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (300 words) and presents a clear disagreement with the opinion, supported by relevant arguments on job opportunities and economic efficiency. However, it could more directly address how relocation might solve traffic and housing issues before refuting them. Overall, it is a well-structured and linguistically competent response.
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In contemporary society, the issue of traffic congestion and housing in major cities has become increasingly contentious. While it is often asserted that large businesses and industries could be relocated from urban to rural areas to minimise these issues, others maintain that this strategy would be disadvantageous to the city as a whole. From my standpoint, I believe that the urban-rural drift of businesses and employees would cause significant degradation of big cities, and this essay will substantiate this perspective.
A compelling justification for this stance is that there will be a considerable decline in the number of job opportunities, especially for the younger generations. This can largely be attributed to the fact that many young people heavily rely on the urban job market, which offers a wider range of employment opportunities. To illustrate, graduates often move to cities to secure internships. Consequently, if major companies were relocated, young individuals might face limited access to suitable jobs, thereby restricting economic mobility, further reinforcing the argument that relocation is not a viable solution.
Equally significant is the fact that relocating businesses and employees to rural areas could undermine economic productivity and operational efficiency. This is based on the fact that industries depend on well-developed infrastructure and advanced technology, and skilled labourers. For instance, companies operating in cities have efficient networking and supply chains, which may be unavailable in rural areas. Consequently, moving such enterprises to less-equipped areas may result in delays, increased costs, and reduced competitiveness in the global market.
In conclusion, although relocating businesses to rural areas may appear to be a plausible solution at first glance, I firmly believe that it is neither practical nor effective. Ultimately, improving urban infrastructure and addressing systemic issues within cities themselves is a far more viable approach to resolving congestion and housing problems.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
2 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| well-developed infrastructure and advanced technology, and skilled labourers | well-developed infrastructure, advanced technology, and skilled labourers | Incorrect list formatting; use commas to separate items in a list without redundant 'and' |
| is a far more viable approach | are far more viable approaches | Subject-verb agreement: compound subject 'improving urban infrastructure and addressing systemic issues' requires plural verb 'are' and plural noun 'approaches' |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big cities | major cities | Informal term; 'major cities' is more appropriate in academic writing |
| urban-rural drift | urban-to-rural relocation | Vague or non-standard term; use more precise language for business movement |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay fully addresses the prompt by taking a clear position (disagreement) and developing arguments against relocation. It discusses impacts on job opportunities and economic productivity, which are relevant to the issues of congestion and housing. However, it does not explicitly explore the potential benefits of relocation for solving traffic and housing problems, which would make the response more balanced.
Examples
Examples include the argument that relocation would reduce job opportunities for young people and undermine economic efficiency due to lack of infrastructure in rural areas.
How to Improve
To improve, acknowledge the potential benefits of relocation (e.g., reduced urban density, cheaper housing) before presenting counterarguments. Ensure that each argument directly links to solving traffic congestion and housing shortages.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5
Evaluation
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas and paragraphs, contributing to a logical flow.
Examples
Phrases like 'A compelling justification for this stance' and 'Equally significant is the fact that' introduce arguments smoothly. Connectors such as 'Consequently' and 'In conclusion' enhance coherence.
How to Improve
To further enhance cohesion, ensure that topic sentences are explicitly tied to the main thesis, and use referencing pronouns more consistently to avoid slight repetition.
Lexical Resource7.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is varied and appropriate, with effective use of less common words and collocations. The lexical choice supports the formal tone required for an academic essay.
Examples
Words like 'contentious', 'urban-rural drift', 'substantiate', 'compelling justification', 'economic mobility', 'undermine', 'operational efficiency', and 'plausible' demonstrate good lexical range.
How to Improve
Incorporate more specific terminology related to urban planning, economics, and sustainability to add depth. Avoid minor redundancies (e.g., 'considerable decline' could be replaced with 'sharp decline' for precision).
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures, including complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Accuracy is high, with only occasional minor errors that do not impede understanding.
Examples
Complex sentences: 'While it is often asserted that... others maintain that...' and 'This can largely be attributed to the fact that...'. Minor issue: 'there will be a considerable decline' might be better as 'there would be' for hypothetical consistency.
How to Improve
Pay attention to verb tense consistency, especially when discussing hypothetical scenarios. Use a wider variety of sentence structures, such as conditional sentences or passive voice, to enhance grammatical range.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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