This Band 7.5 IELTS essay discusses the impact of video games, highlighting the drawbacks and the lack of detailed benefits. While the response is well-structured, it would benefit from a more balanced discussion and specific examples.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Video games · 40 min
Video games are seen by some as a harmless form of entertainment, or even a useful way to learn new skills. However, others argue that video games have a negative impact on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay fully addresses the prompt with a clear opinion that drawbacks outweigh benefits. It meets the word count (297 words vs. 250 required) and presents developed arguments with examples. However, it could improve by discussing benefits more thoroughly and using more specific evidence.
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In recent years, there has been a growing debate about whether video games are an essential way to acquire new skills or have detrimental consequences for the individuals who play them. While this issue is multifaceted and open to interpretation, it warrants a careful examination. Although there are valid arguments on both sides, I am firmly of the opinion that the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits. This essay shall substantiate this position by analysing the most compelling reasons in favour of this perspective.
The most compelling justification for this stance is that video games can be highly addictive due to their reward-based design and brain stimulation. In practical terms, this means that players often spend excessive time gaming, neglecting studies, social interaction, and work. A clear illustration of this can be observed in teenagers who spend entire weekends playing online games, leading to poor school performance and strained family relationships. This demonstrates that the long- term implications are far more significant than they may initially appear.
Another pivotal factor that reinforces this viewpoint is the negative impact of prolonged gaming on social and emotional development. It is undeniable that excessive engagement in video games often reduces face-to-face interaction with family and peers. For instance, adolescents who spend the majority of their free time in online gaming communities frequently report difficulties in communicating effectively in real-life social situations. Therefore, it becomes evident that the social and emotional consequences of gaming can outweigh any educational or recreational benefits it may provide.
Ultimately, when all factors are taken into consideration, it is clear that although video games may offer certain advantages, such as entertainment and skill development, their long-term drawbacks are far more significant. For these reasons, I remain firmly convinced that video games undoubtedly have negative implications.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| long- term | long-term |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| brain stimulation | neurological stimulation | Vague term; 'neurological stimulation' is more precise and academic in context |
| gaming | playing video games | Informal; in formal academic writing, 'playing video games' is preferred for clarity |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7.5
Evaluation
The essay presents a clear position and develops two main arguments (addiction and social impact) with relevant examples. It acknowledges both sides briefly but focuses on drawbacks. The response is complete and well-supported, though benefits are not explored in depth.
Examples
Arguments include video games being 'addictive due to their reward-based design' and causing 'negative impact on social and emotional development', with examples of teenagers neglecting studies and social interactions.
How to Improve
To reach a higher band, provide a more balanced discussion by elaborating on benefits (e.g., specific skills learned) before refuting them. Use more precise, researched examples rather than general observations.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Cohesive devices are used effectively to link ideas, and paragraphing is clear.
Examples
Phrases like 'The most compelling justification' and 'Another pivotal factor' sequence arguments, while 'Ultimately' signals the conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
How to Improve
Vary linking phrases (e.g., instead of 'Another pivotal factor', try 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally') and ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by referencing previous points.
Lexical Resource7.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is generally varied and appropriate, with some effective terms like 'multifaceted', 'detrimental consequences', and 'reinforces this viewpoint'. However, there is slight repetition.
Examples
Use of 'compelling' twice ('compelling justification', 'compelling reasons'), but also good range with 'addictive', 'reward-based design', 'pivotal factor'.
How to Improve
Introduce more synonyms (e.g., replace 'compelling' with 'persuasive' or 'convincing') and avoid overusing certain words. Incorporate more topic-specific vocabulary related to gaming and psychology.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good range of complex structures with high accuracy. Minor errors are present but do not impede understanding.
Examples
Complex sentences: 'Although there are valid arguments on both sides, I am firmly of the opinion that...' and 'It is undeniable that excessive engagement...'. Error: 'long- term' should be 'long-term'.
How to Improve
Proofread for typographical errors and ensure consistent punctuation. Experiment with more advanced structures like conditional sentences or passive voice to enhance variety.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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