This Band 7 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to address urban traffic congestion and housing challenges. While the essay presents clear arguments against this approach, it contains grammatical errors and some underdeveloped ideas. Improving grammatical accuracy and providing specific examples could elevate the overall score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a clear position against relocating businesses to rural areas as a solution to urban issues. It is well-organized and demonstrates a good range of vocabulary. However, there are some grammatical inaccuracies and areas where ideas could be more fully developed to achieve a higher score.
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Traffic congestion and housing shortages are major challenges for many cities nowadays. Some people suggest that replacing big businesses and their employees from urban to rural areas as a solution to this problem. However, I do not agree with this statement due to many various reasons.
Firstly, relocating businesses would require extensive resources, planning and time. Relocating a business would disrupt the sales, increase competitiviness, and increase the need for natural resources, disrupting the environment. In addition, this could negatively impact on the workers. Relocating the place of workspace to a rural area could cause repercussions towards their well-being and quality of life. Moreover, due to logistic and financial burdens, relocation would not be sponsored by the government, making it more expensive to revive this idea.
Secondly, relocating businesses would not solve the major problem of traffic congestion because the causes of it are population growth and fast urbanization. Replacing the businesses would just relocate the problem elsewhere, not remove it. Instead of relocating businesses, cities should expand on public transportations, build more environmentally economic housing and create a better and more efficient working spaces. Additionally, relocating businesses to rural areas could introduce new challenges, such as environmental degradation, social disruption, and economic disparities.
In conclusion, addressing two of the biggest problems in this environmentally polluted and over populated planet by relocating big businesses and industries and their employees from urban to rural areas would not be a great and smart solution. Comprehensive urban planning and smart infrastructure progress, in contrast, could be the solution to traffic congestion and housing shortages. Thus, by focusing on sustainable development and effective government, cities can create long-term solutions that enhance the quality of life, while fostering balanced growth between urban and rural regions.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| competitiviness | competitiveness |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| negatively impact on the workers | negatively impact the workers | The preposition 'on' is unnecessary after 'impact' in this context. |
| Relocating the place of workspace to a rural area | Relocating the workspace to a rural area | The phrase 'place of workspace' is redundant; 'workspace' alone suffices. |
| due to logistic and financial burdens | due to logistical and financial burdens | The adjective 'logistic' should be 'logistical' to match standard usage. |
| expand on public transportations | expand public transportation | The plural 'transportations' is incorrect; 'transportation' is uncountable in this context. |
| environmentally economic housing | environmentally friendly housing | The phrase 'environmentally economic' is awkward and unclear; 'environmentally friendly' is more precise. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| repercussions towards their well-being | negative effects on their well-being | 'Repercussions' is slightly vague here; 'negative effects' is more direct and precise. |
| revive this idea | implement this idea | 'Revive' is not the correct word choice; 'implement' better conveys the intended meaning. |
| introduce new challenges | pose new challenges | 'Pose' is a more formal and precise verb in this context. |
| environmentally polluted and over populated planet | environmentally degraded and overpopulated planet | 'Environmentally polluted' is less precise; 'environmentally degraded' is more accurate. 'Over populated' should be 'overpopulated' as one word. |
| smart infrastructure progress | advanced infrastructure development | 'Smart infrastructure progress' is vague; 'advanced infrastructure development' is more formal and specific. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay provides a clear and relevant response to the task, presenting a strong position against the proposed solution. It includes well-supported arguments and alternative solutions, such as urban planning and sustainable development.
Examples
The essay discusses the logistical and financial challenges of relocation, the impact on workers' well-being, and the ineffectiveness of the solution in addressing root causes like population growth and urbanization.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay could provide more specific examples or data to strengthen the arguments. For instance, citing a case study or example of a city that successfully addressed these issues through urban planning would add depth.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs and logical progression of ideas. Linking words and cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas.
Examples
Phrases like 'Firstly,' 'In addition,' and 'In conclusion' help organize the essay. The transition between discussing the drawbacks of relocation and proposing alternative solutions is smooth.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay could enhance cohesion by using more varied linking phrases and ensuring that all ideas are fully elaborated. For example, the paragraph on alternative solutions could be expanded with more details.
Lexical Resource7.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some sophisticated word choices and appropriate use of topic-specific terms.
Examples
Words and phrases like 'logistical and financial burdens,' 'environmental degradation,' and 'sustainable development' show a strong lexical resource.
How to Improve
To improve, the essay could incorporate more precise and varied vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating 'relocating businesses,' synonyms like 'transferring enterprises' or 'shifting industries' could be used.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6.5
Evaluation
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. However, there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect accuracy and clarity.
Examples
Errors include 'increase competitiviness' (should be 'increase competitiveness'), 'impact on the workers' (should be 'impact the workers'), and 'environmentally economic housing' (should be 'environmentally friendly housing').
How to Improve
To improve, the essay should focus on correcting grammatical errors and ensuring subject-verb agreement. Proofreading and practicing complex sentence structures would help enhance accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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