This Band 7 IELTS essay discusses the relocation of businesses to rural areas to address urban issues. While the writer presents a balanced view, feedback highlights the need for better structural development and a clear conclusion to enhance the overall argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count requirement of 250 words (actual: 263 words). It addresses the topic with a balanced view, partly agreeing that relocating businesses could help but also noting challenges. However, the response could be more fully developed, and the lack of a distinct conclusion paragraph affects the overall structure. Vocabulary and grammar are generally strong, with minor areas for improvement.
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Relocating large businesses and industries from urban areas to rural regions is often suggested as a solution to the problems of traffic congestion and housing shortages in major cities. While this idea may help reduce some pressure on cities, I partly agree with this opinion because it could create benefits for both urban and rural areas, although it may not completely solve these issues.
One major advantage of relocating industries to rural areas is the reduction of traffic congestion in cities. Many employees commute daily to urban workplaces, which increases the number of vehicles on the roads, especially during peak hours. If companies move their offices and factories to rural areas, fewer people would need to travel into cities, which could decrease traffic jams and reduce pollution levels. As a result, urban transportation systems might function more efficiently.
Another benefit is that it could help solve housing problems in large cities. Overpopulation in urban areas often leads to high property prices and limited housing availability. When businesses move to rural locations, workers may also relocate, which would reduce the demand for housing in cities. At the same time, this shift could encourage development in rural areas by creating new jobs and improving infrastructure such as roads, schools, and healthcare facilities.
However, relocating businesses to rural areas may also present several challenges. Rural regions may lack the necessary infrastructure, skilled workforce, and modern facilities required by large companies. Additionally, some industries rely on proximity to urban markets, transportation hubs, and other businesses. Moving them to remote locations could increase operational costs and reduce efficiency.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| traffic jams | traffic congestion | Informal term; 'traffic congestion' is more formal and consistent with academic writing. |
| create benefits | generate benefits | 'Create' is somewhat basic; 'generate' is often used in academic contexts for producing positive outcomes. |
| help solve | alleviate | 'Help solve' is vague; 'alleviate' is more precise and academic for reducing problems. |
| high property prices | soaring property prices | 'High' is simple; 'soaring' adds emphasis and is more descriptive in academic writing. |
| limited housing availability | housing scarcity | Phrase is wordy; 'housing scarcity' is more concise and formal. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6.5
Evaluation
The writer presents a clear position (partly agree) and discusses both advantages and disadvantages of relocating businesses. Relevant ideas are included, but they are not extended in depth, and the conclusion is implicit rather than explicitly stated.
Examples
Advantages such as reducing traffic congestion and solving housing problems are mentioned, but without specific examples or detailed analysis. Challenges like lack of infrastructure are noted but not elaborated.
How to Improve
Develop each main idea with supporting details, such as real-world examples or statistical evidence. Include a separate conclusion paragraph to restate the position and summarize key points.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is logically organized into paragraphs: introduction, two body paragraphs on benefits, and one on challenges. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, but the absence of a conclusion paragraph affects the overall flow and completeness.
Examples
Linking words like 'while,' 'one major advantage,' 'another benefit,' and 'however' help connect ideas. Paragraphing is clear, but the essay ends abruptly after discussing challenges.
How to Improve
Add a concluding paragraph to summarize the argument and reinforce the position. Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs by using phrases like 'in conclusion' or 'to sum up.'
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient and generally accurate, with a good range of topic-related terms. There are no significant errors in word choice, but the lexicon is not highly sophisticated.
Examples
Terms like 'traffic congestion,' 'housing shortages,' 'commute,' 'peak hours,' 'infrastructure,' and 'operational costs' are used correctly and appropriately.
How to Improve
Incorporate more advanced vocabulary and less common lexical items, such as 'decentralization,' 'urban sprawl,' 'sustainable development,' or 'economic diversification,' to enhance precision and variety.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used with good accuracy. Minor errors are minimal, and grammar does not impede understanding.
Examples
Complex sentence: 'If companies move their offices and factories to rural areas, fewer people would need to travel into cities, which could decrease traffic jams and reduce pollution levels.' This demonstrates conditional clauses and relative clauses.
How to Improve
Vary sentence structures further by using more passive constructions, participle clauses, or inverted conditionals. Proofread for minor errors, such as article usage or tense consistency.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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