This essay scored a remarkable band 8 in IELTS for its comprehensive discussion on relocating businesses to rural areas. While it effectively addresses both pros and cons, minor improvements in clarity and specific examples could enhance its overall argument. Use this feedback to refine your own IELTS writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of relocating businesses to rural areas. It is well-organized, uses a wide range of vocabulary and grammar accurately, and meets the word count requirement. Minor improvements could enhance clarity and precision.
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Many major cities around the world are struggling with severe traffic congestion and housing shortages. Some people believe that relocating large businesses, industries, and their employees from urban centres to rural areas could effectively address these problems. While this approach may help to some extent, I partly disagree that it is a complete or practical solution because it could create new economic and social challenges.
On the one hand, moving companies and factories to rural regions could reduce population pressure in large cities. Traffic congestion is often caused by the concentration of workplaces in urban centres, forcing millions of people to commute daily. If businesses were more evenly distributed across a country, fewer workers would need to travel into cities, which could significantly reduce traffic jams and overcrowded public transport systems. In addition, relocating industries would lower the demand for housing in metropolitan areas, potentially making accommodation more affordable for urban residents. Rural regions could also benefit economically from new employment opportunities, infrastructure development, and increased investment.
On the other hand, transferring businesses to rural areas may not be as beneficial as it appears. First, many industries rely heavily on urban infrastructure, including transport networks, skilled labour, and access to suppliers and customers. Relocation could reduce efficiency and increase operational costs. Second, rural areas may not be equipped to handle sudden population growth. Problems such as environmental damage, rising living costs, and pressure on local services could emerge in smaller communities. Furthermore, many employees may be unwilling to move away from cities because of better educational institutions, healthcare facilities, and lifestyle opportunities available there.
Instead of large-scale relocation, governments could focus on improving urban planning and public transport systems. Encouraging remote work, investing in affordable housing projects, and developing satellite towns around major cities may provide more balanced and sustainable solutions without disrupting businesses and workers.
In conclusion, although relocating industries and employees to rural areas could partially ease urban traffic and housing problems, I believe it is not a comprehensive solution. A combination of improved infrastructure, decentralised development, and modern working practices would likely be more effective in addressing the challenges faced by major cities.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay provides a clear and well-developed response to the task. It discusses both the potential benefits and drawbacks of relocating businesses to rural areas, offering relevant examples and a thoughtful conclusion. The writer also suggests alternative solutions, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Examples
The essay discusses how relocation could reduce traffic congestion and housing demand in cities while also highlighting potential challenges such as increased operational costs and strain on rural infrastructure.
How to Improve
To achieve a higher score, the essay could include more specific examples or data to support the arguments, such as real-world cases of successful or unsuccessful relocations.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
The essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphing and logical progression of ideas. Linking words and cohesive devices are used effectively to connect ideas and maintain flow.
Examples
Phrases like 'On the one hand,' 'On the other hand,' and 'Instead of large-scale relocation' help to organize the discussion and guide the reader through the argument.
How to Improve
To improve further, the writer could use more varied linking phrases to enhance the sophistication of the essay's cohesion.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a wide range of vocabulary, including topic-specific terms and phrases. Word choice is appropriate and precise, with minimal repetition.
Examples
Terms like 'traffic congestion,' 'metropolitan areas,' 'decentralised development,' and 'satellite towns' show a strong command of topic-related vocabulary.
How to Improve
To improve, the writer could incorporate more advanced or less common expressions to further demonstrate lexical sophistication.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, with a high level of grammatical accuracy. Errors, if present, are minor and do not impede understanding.
Examples
Sentences like 'If businesses were more evenly distributed across a country, fewer workers would need to travel into cities' demonstrate effective use of conditional structures.
How to Improve
To improve, the writer could experiment with more advanced grammatical structures, such as inversion or less common passive constructions, to further showcase range.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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