This Band 8 IELTS essay tackles the complex topic of relocating businesses to rural areas to solve urban issues. It provides compelling arguments against this approach, highlighting challenges and proposing urban development as a solution. The feedback emphasizes the essay's effective structure and clarity, while also suggesting areas for improvement in coherence and vocabulary usage.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Agree/ Disagree (Opinion) · Urban Planning · 40 min
Relocating big businesses and industries and their workers from urban areas to rural areas could be a good solution for the issues of traffic congestion and housing in major cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay effectively addresses the task prompt, providing a well-reasoned argument against relocating businesses to rural areas. It presents clear and relevant ideas supported by evidence, maintaining coherence throughout. The vocabulary variety is broad, and the grammar is mostly accurate with minor errors.
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Traffic congestion and housing shortages are major challenges for many cities today. Some propose moving large businesses, industries, and their workers to rural areas as a solution. However, I believe this approach is neither feasible nor effective. A more sustainable alternative would be to improve urban infrastructure and transportation systems rather than displacing economic hubs.
To begin with, relocating businesses and industries would require extensive resources, planning, and coordination. According to the World Bank, relocating a firm demands careful management and significant resources, often disrupting productivity, profitability, and overall competitiveness, affecting both firms and workers. Additionally, uprooting employees from established urban communities could negatively impact their well-being and quality of life, making relocation an undesirable option for many. Given the financial and logistical burdens, large-scale relocation is unlikely to gain support from businesses or governments.
Moreover, this strategy fails to address the root causes of traffic congestion and housing shortages. These issues stem from rapid urbanization, population growth, and inadequate infrastructure in cities. Moving some firms and workers would not resolve these fundamental problems but instead shift them elsewhere. Instead of relocating businesses, cities should focus on expanding public transportation and enforcing zoning regulations to create more efficient living spaces. Additionally, relocating businesses to rural areas could introduce new challenges, such as environmental degradation, social disruption, and economic disparities.
In conclusion, addressing traffic congestion and housing shortages requires comprehensive urban planning and investment in infrastructure rather than relocating businesses and workers to rural areas. Thus, I think that developing smart cities with sustainable solutions can improve urban conditions while minimizing negative impacts on rural areas. By focusing on sustainable development and effective governance, cities can create long-term solutions that enhance livability while fostering balanced growth between urban and rural regions.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay effectively answers the task, presenting a clear stance against relocating businesses and providing relevant support and evidence.
Examples
The argument states that relocation would require extensive resources and would fail to resolve urban issues, supported by references to rapid urbanization and infrastructural inadequacies.
How to Improve
To improve, consider addressing potential counterarguments or alternative opinions more explicitly.
Coherence & Cohesion8
Evaluation
Coherence is maintained well with logical progression of ideas and clear paragraphing.
Examples
The essay uses transitional devices such as 'Moreover' and 'In conclusion' effectively to connect ideas.
How to Improve
To enhance coherence, use a greater variety of linking words and phrases to introduce examples and counterpoints.
Lexical Resource8
Evaluation
The lexical resource is varied and precise, using a broad range of vocabulary to convey nuanced meaning.
Examples
Terms like 'urbanization', 'displacement', and 'sustainable solutions' demonstrate lexical sophistication.
How to Improve
Focus on integrating more idiomatic expressions or less common collocations to further display range.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy8
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar with a range of structures and few errors.
Examples
Complex sentences are used effectively, such as 'Given the financial and logistical burdens...'.
How to Improve
To achieve a higher score, minimize minor errors and increase the use of more complex sentence structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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