This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the complex issue of drug abuse but suffers from insufficient depth and coherence. The lack of detailed examples and underdeveloped arguments hinder its effectiveness. By understanding the feedback and areas of improvement, such as enhancing task response and coherence, you can elevate your own essays.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Drugs · 40 min
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: Hello User, the essay discusses drug abuse factors and remedies, but it is under the required word count (223 vs. 250 words). This impacts the Task Response score. The task response is somewhat underdeveloped, lacking in-depth exploration and concrete examples. The essay needs better organization for coherence and cohesion and improved grammatical accuracy.
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Nowadays, people with illnesses are increasing rapidly due to the contamination in the environment and unhealthy diets. Becoming a reason to use medicine to maintain a healthy life, but unfortunately, the illegal use of drugs has become a major problem in many communities. This is because of a lack of awareness and the absence of strict regulations. However, simple solution measures, such as fixing rules and awareness, can easily address the issue.
Minor children can easily access the drugs from the drugstore, and people can easily get any quantity of medicine without a doctor's prescription. leading to a drastic growth in the issue of drug abuse. In addition, a lack of awareness and a bad friend circle make a deadly combination to become a reason for kids to become addicted to drugs, especially in schools and colleges. For instance, individuals with a friend group of drug users often become one of them without knowing the drawbacks.
However, tight checking of borders and awareness programs related to the issue can solve this major problem in simple ways.
In conclusion, the developing problem of the unsafe use of medicine are because of weak laws and lack of knowledge related to those areas which can be simply reduced by measures such as spreading knowledge, and reinforcement of stronger rules and regulations at the border, and pharmacy.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Becoming a reason to use medicine to maintain a healthy life, | This has become a reason to use medicine to maintain a healthy life, | Incomplete sentence structure; the correction provides a subject for the sentence. |
| leading to a drastic growth | which leads to a drastic growth | Fragment; sentence starts with lowercase and needs a conjunction to connect to the previous clause. |
| the developing problem of the unsafe use of medicine are | the developing problem of the unsafe use of medicine is | Subject-verb agreement: 'problem' is singular and requires 'is'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
2 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| fixing rules | establishing rules | More formal and precise; 'establishing' conveys the creation and implementation of rules. |
| simple solution measures | straightforward solution measures | More precise term; 'straightforward' is more academically appropriate than 'simple'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response4.5
Evaluation
The essay answers the prompt but lacks depth and detail, especially regarding the factors of drug abuse and how to address them.
Examples
The essay mentions lack of awareness and weak regulations but does not explore these factors comprehensively.
How to Improve
Expand on the identified causes of drug abuse with more examples and analysis. Provide more specific strategies for addressing these issues.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay is generally organized but lacks clear linking phrases and logical progression.
Examples
Transitions between ideas, like 'However, tight checking of borders', need clearer connection with previous points.
How to Improve
Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively, and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the last.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary usage is adequate but lacks variety and precision.
Examples
Phrases like 'simple solution measures' and 'tight checking' could be more sophisticated.
How to Improve
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and more precise expressions related to drug abuse and solutions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are some grammatical errors affecting clarity, with a limited range of sentence structures.
Examples
Errors such as 'leading to a drastic growth' starting a sentence fragment should be corrected.
How to Improve
Practice using a variety of complex sentence structures and check for subject-verb agreement and sentence completeness.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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