Achieving a Band 5 in IELTS writing indicates several challenges, particularly in presenting clear arguments and development. This essay focuses on the internet's role in communication, confronting issues with clarity and the underdevelopment of points within each argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Advantages/ Disadvantages Β· Internet Β· 40 min
The internet connects people from different places and makes the world feel smaller. Discuss the arguments for and against the idea that the internet has simplified communication between individuals and provide your own opinion on the matter.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both sides and giving an opinion, but the arguments are underdeveloped and not always directly related to the simplification of communication. Language errors frequently hinder clarity. The word count is sufficient at approximately 306 words.
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It is often argued that the world feels smaller after people connected from different palces with the internet. Since the internet have the significant benefits for the world in communication industry while, internet has simplified communication between individuals. In this essay I will examin the certain advantages of internet and provide my own opinion.
One of the significant benefite of internet uage is in education industry. Although, students can use asymmetric learning sources from internet. Therefore, students can take the online lectures from different part of the world and receive accurate result. For example, nowadays students are using the mobile application where they can learn forign languages from the native speakers. Another major advantage of internet is, people are connected through mobile devices, while in the earlier time people use the letter for the communication. Moreover, internet help to get career opportunites overseas, employeer can hire the skilled person from all over the world.
On the other hand, people weakening the personal reletionships becuase most of the time idividuals use internet for talking with streangers on social media. For example, people are less value the personal relationships with the parents and their loved ones, instead they choose to talk with the new person online. Also, online jobs provide the better opportunites still the people have to work as per the employeers' time and compromise the health.
In my opinion, internet make easy communication in the world and it has more benefites comperes to the drawbacks.
To conclude, as internet beneficial for the communication all over the world while, it's drawbacks cannot be negosiated. Hence, a balance the combination for the both can helps to make strong reletionship amoung the world.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
15 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| palces | places |
| examin | examine |
| benefite | benefits |
| uage | usage |
| forign | foreign |
| opportunites | opportunities |
| employeer | employer |
| reletionships | relationships |
| becuase | because |
| idividuals | individuals |
| streangers | strangers |
| benefites | benefits |
| comperes | compared |
| negosiated | negated |
| amoung | among |
Grammatical Mistakes
22 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| internet have the significant benefits | the internet has significant benefits | Subject-verb agreement: 'internet' is singular, so 'has' is needed; also, article 'the' before 'internet' |
| while, internet has simplified | and the internet has simplified | Incorrect use of 'while' as a conjunction; 'and' is more appropriate here |
| examin the certain advantages | examine certain advantages | Article misuse: 'the' is unnecessary before 'certain' |
| is in education industry | is in the education sector | Missing article 'the' and 'industry' is less fitting; 'sector' is better for education |
| Although, students can use | For example, students can use | 'Although' is used incorrectly; it introduces a contrast, but here an example is intended |
| take the online lectures | take online lectures | Unnecessary article 'the' before plural noun |
| from different part | from different parts | Plural form needed to match 'different' |
| receive accurate result | receive accurate results | Plural form needed for consistency |
| using the mobile application | using mobile applications | Article misuse and plural form for general statement |
| from the native speakers | from native speakers | Unnecessary article 'the' before plural noun |
| advantage of internet is, people are connected | advantage of the internet is that people are connected | Missing 'that' after 'is' and article 'the' before 'internet' |
| while in the earlier time people use the letter | whereas in the past people used letters | Tense error: 'use' should be past tense 'used'; 'earlier time' is awkward, 'past' is better; 'letter' should be plural for general reference |
| internet help to get | the internet helps to get | Subject-verb agreement: 'internet' is singular, so 'helps'; also, article 'the' needed |
| people weakening the personal reletionships | people are weakening personal relationships | Verb form error: 'weakening' should be 'are weakening' for present continuous; spelling correction for 'relationships' |
| people are less value | people value less | Incorrect verb construction: 'are less value' should be 'value less' or 'undervalue' |
| provide the better opportunites still | provide better opportunities, but | Unnecessary article 'the' before comparative 'better'; 'still' is not a conjunction, use 'but' |
| work as per the employeers' time | work according to the employers' time | 'as per' is informal; 'according to' is more standard; spelling correction for 'employers'' |
| internet make easy communication | the internet makes communication easy | Subject-verb agreement: 'internet' is singular, so 'makes'; word order improved |
| as internet beneficial | the internet is beneficial | Missing verb 'is' after 'internet' |
| it's drawbacks | its drawbacks | 'it's' is a contraction for 'it is'; possessive form should be 'its' |
| a balance the combination for the both | a balanced combination of both | Awkward phrasing; 'balanced combination' is clearer, and 'of both' replaces 'for the both' |
| can helps | can help | Modal verb 'can' should be followed by base form 'help' |
Vocabulary Improvements
14 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| asymmetric learning sources | diverse learning resources | 'Asymmetric' is likely incorrect in this context; 'diverse' is more appropriate for varied learning materials |
| education industry | education sector | 'Industry' is typically used for business; 'sector' is a better term for education in formal writing |
| accurate result | accurate information | 'Result' is vague here; 'information' is more precise for learning outcomes |
| letter for the communication | postal mail | 'Letter' is specific; 'postal mail' is a clearer term for historical communication method |
| skilled person | skilled individuals | 'Person' is singular and informal; 'individuals' is more formal and plural for general reference |
| talking with streangers | communicating with strangers | 'Talking' is informal; 'communicating' is more formal and appropriate for academic writing |
| less value | undervalue | 'Less value' is awkward; 'undervalue' is a verb that means to assign too low a value |
| new person | strangers | 'New person' is vague; 'strangers' is more precise in the context of online communication |
| online jobs | remote work | 'Online jobs' is informal; 'remote work' is a standard term for employment done from anywhere |
| compromise the health | compromise their health | Pronoun 'their' is needed for clarity, referring to people's health |
| make easy communication | facilitate communication | 'Make easy' is informal and awkward; 'facilitate' is a more academic verb meaning to make easier |
| balance the combination | balanced approach | Awkward phrasing; 'balanced approach' is clearer and more concise |
| make strong reletionship | build strong relationships | 'Make' is less appropriate for relationships; 'build' is a better verb for developing connections |
| amoung the world | around the world | 'Among' is used for groups; 'around' is correct for global context meaning worldwide |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5
Evaluation
Partially addresses the task by presenting some advantages and disadvantages of the internet in communication, but the development is limited and some points are irrelevant or unclear. The opinion is stated but not thoroughly supported.
Examples
Advantages focus on education and career opportunities without explicitly linking them to simplified communication. Disadvantages mention weakened personal relationships and health compromises, which are consequences rather than direct arguments against simplification.
How to Improve
Ensure all points directly relate to how the internet simplifies or complicates communication. Develop arguments with specific examples (e.g., instant messaging for simplicity, misinterpretation for complexity) and provide deeper analysis to support the opinion.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
Has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but coherence is affected by poor sentence connections and grammatical errors. Cohesive devices are used inaccurately, leading to awkward flow.
Examples
The first paragraph uses 'while' incorrectly, creating confusion. Body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences, and transitions between ideas are abrupt (e.g., 'Although, students can use...').
How to Improve
Use appropriate linking words (e.g., 'however,' 'furthermore') to connect ideas logically. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and ensure supporting sentences follow a coherent sequence. Proofread to improve clarity.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited with frequent spelling errors and incorrect word choices, reducing precision and clarity. Some terms are misused, and repetition occurs.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'palces' (places), 'benefite' (benefit), 'uage' (usage), 'forign' (foreign), 'reletionships' (relationships), 'streangers' (strangers). Word choice: 'asymmetric' likely meant 'asynchronous' or 'diverse'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to technology and communication through reading and practice. Use a dictionary to check spellings and meanings. Aim for more precise and varied terms (e.g., 'global connectivity' instead of 'internet usage').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammar is weak with numerous errors in verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, articles, and sentence structure. Simple sentences dominate, and complex structures are attempted but faulty.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'internet have' (should be 'has'), 'internet make' (should be 'makes'). Tense errors: 'people connected' (should be 'have connected'). Punctuation: incorrect use of commas (e.g., 'Another major advantage of internet is, people are connected...').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially verb forms and agreement. Practice constructing complex sentences with clauses. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors. Consider using grammar check tools for feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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