This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses internet communication. The analysis covers clarity issues and underdeveloped arguments. Understanding these aspects can help improve your performance when tackling similar topics.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Advantages/ Disadvantages Β· Internet Β· 40 min
The internet connects people from different places and makes the world feel smaller. Discuss the arguments for and against the idea that the internet has simplified communication between individuals and provide your own opinion on the matter.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (actual: 277 words) and partially addresses the topic by discussing some benefits and drawbacks of internet communication. However, the arguments for and against the simplification of communication are not fully developed, and the opinion lacks depth. Issues with coherence, vocabulary, and grammar reduce clarity and impact.
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The internet connects people worldwide and makes the world feel smaller. However, social media made communication easier and helped a lot of people to find buisnes partners, furthermore, some people found the love of their life in the internet. However, some people argue that it can be harmful for youth if they connect with bad people.In my humble opinion, the internet is not only a place where i can meet new friends, but place with plenty of opportunities to earn money.
On the one hand, the internet is the easiest way to make a new friends or find a community with the same interests. Many types of different platforms are avaible nowadays, so everyone can find something that are will be curious and new. Moreover, the internet has no borders so people all over the world can meet each other daily without any issues. For example, I recently had conected with the girl from the US, while i was in Ukraine.
On the other hand, for unprepared person interted can be dangerous and harmful. dark side of social media consists" title="Correction: The dark side of social media consists">Dark side of the social media consist of plenty of toxic communities. Moreover, there are plenty of robbers who are always trying" title="Correction: robbers who are always trying">robbers that always trying to steal pesonal data. All users should be avare of that and always keep their personal information into sertified and trusted apps.Good example was in 2011, when the internet was early,groups of personal data robbers tried to stole information from social media accounts.
In conclusion, the internet is perfect place to meet new people within a couple minutes, however personal data of user should be secured. For me it is good opportunity not only to find ne people, make money" title="Correction: but to make money">but make money online.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| buisnes | business |
| avaible | available |
| conected | connected |
| interted | internet |
| pesonal | personal |
| avare | aware |
| sertified | certified |
| ne | new |
Grammatical Mistakes
18 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| social media made | social media has made | Tense inconsistency; use present perfect to show action from past with present effects. |
| in the internet | on the internet | Preposition error; 'on' is used for being connected to the internet. |
| i | I | Capitalization error; first person pronoun 'I' should be capitalized. |
| but place | but a place | Article missing; 'a' is needed before singular noun 'place'. |
| make a new friends | make new friends | Article misuse; 'friends' is plural, so no 'a' is needed. |
| that are will be curious and new | that is interesting and new | Subject-verb agreement and word choice; 'something' is singular, so 'is' should be used, and 'curious' is not typically used for things. |
| had conected | have connected | Verb tense error; use present perfect for recent actions with current relevance. |
| for unprepared person | for an unprepared person | Article missing; 'an' is needed before singular noun 'person'. |
| Dark side of the social media consist | The dark side of social media consists | Article missing and subject-verb agreement; add 'The' and use 'consists' for singular subject. |
| robbers that always trying | robbers who are always trying | Relative clause error; use 'who' for people and include auxiliary verb 'are' for continuous tense. |
| into | in | Preposition error; 'in' is used for location within something, 'into' implies movement. |
| Good example was | A good example was | Article missing; 'a' is needed before singular noun 'example'. |
| tried to stole | tried to steal | Infinitive error; after 'to', use base form 'steal'. |
| is perfect place | is a perfect place | Article missing; 'a' is needed before singular noun 'place'. |
| within a couple minutes | within a couple of minutes | Phrase error; 'a couple of' is the correct collocation. |
| personal data of user | users' personal data | Possessive form; use possessive 'users'' for clarity and correctness. |
| it is good opportunity | it is a good opportunity | Article missing; 'a' is needed before singular noun 'opportunity'. |
| but make money | but to make money | Parallelism error; use 'to' to match 'to find' in the infinitive structure. |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a lot of | many | Informal; use 'many' for more academic tone. |
| bad people | malicious individuals | Vague; 'malicious individuals' is more precise and formal. |
| in my humble opinion | in my opinion | Too informal; 'in my opinion' is standard in academic writing. |
| plenty of | many | Informal; 'many' is more appropriate for formal essays. |
| curious and new | interesting and new | Word choice; 'curious' is not typically used to describe platforms; 'interesting' is better. |
| girl | woman | Informal or age-specific; use 'woman' for adult female, or 'person' for neutrality. |
| Dark side | negative aspect | Informal metaphor; 'negative aspect' is more academic. |
| robbers | criminals | Imprecise; 'robbers' typically steal physical property, while 'criminals' is better for data theft. |
| apps | applications | Informal abbreviation; use 'applications' for formal writing. |
| when the internet was early | during the early days of the internet | Awkward phrasing; 'early days of the internet' is more natural and precise. |
| make money | earn money | Collocation; 'earn money' is more formal than 'make money'. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt but does not explore the arguments in depth. It mentions general benefits like making friends and finding partners, and drawbacks like dangers, but it does not specifically focus on how the internet simplifies communication. The opinion is stated but not thoroughly supported.
Examples
The example of connecting with a girl from the US while in Ukraine is relevant but underdeveloped. The discussion of business opportunities and personal data theft does not directly link to the simplification of communication.
How to Improve
Provide more detailed arguments for and against the idea that the internet simplifies communication. Expand on specific ways it makes communication easier (e.g., instant messaging, video calls) and counterpoints (e.g., misinterpretation, overload). Support your opinion with clear reasons and examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the flow is disrupted by awkward transitions and repetitive use of 'however'. Paragraphing is present but linking between ideas could be improved.
Examples
The introduction uses 'however' incorrectly, creating confusion. Body paragraphs start with 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but the connection to the main topic is weak. The conclusion abruptly shifts to making money online.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., furthermore, in contrast, consequently) to improve cohesion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and that transitions between paragraphs are smooth. Revise the introduction to better set up the discussion.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors, which sometimes obscure meaning. There is an attempt to use varied words, but inaccuracies are frequent.
Examples
Misspellings such as 'buisnes' (business), 'avaible' (available), 'conected' (connected), 'pesonal' (personal), and 'sertified' (certified). Inappropriate word choice like 'curious' instead of 'interesting' in 'that are will be curious'.
How to Improve
Work on spelling and practice using academic vocabulary related to technology and communication. Use a dictionary or spell-check tools. Aim for more precise terms, such as 'cybersecurity' instead of 'personal data robbers'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement, tense errors, and article misuse.
Examples
Incorrect structures: 'that are will be curious' (should be 'that will be interesting'), 'had conected' (should be 'connected'), 'tried to stole' (should be 'tried to steal'), 'the internet is perfect place' (should be 'a perfect place').
How to Improve
Focus on verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with subordinate clauses. Review common grammatical rules and proofread essays to identify and correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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