This Band 5 IELTS essay discusses the complexities of internet communication, highlighting issues such as relevance and the unbalanced development of arguments. The writer's personal experiences add some depth but fail to maintain focus on the essay topic.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Advantages/ Disadvantages Β· Internet Β· 40 min
The internet connects people from different places and makes the world feel smaller. Discuss the arguments for and against the idea that the internet has simplified communication between individuals and provide your own opinion on the matter.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (313 words). It addresses the topic but does not fully satisfy the task requirements. The discussion of arguments for and against the idea that the internet has simplified communication is unbalanced; arguments against are developed with personal experience, while arguments for are only briefly mentioned. The personal anecdote about elementary school is not directly relevant to communication. The opinion is present but not clearly developed. Overall, the essay lacks full development and relevance in parts.
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As a person who has lived in both eras; where internet was beirly here, and a software engineer, who's life can not function with out the internet I have a good grasp on how internet can affect our life both positively and very bad.
When I was in the elementary school, the only internet we known at the time was my schools ICT labs computer, where we had biweekly access to . Since there was'nt enough computers to fascilitate 40 students at a time, we had to go in 2 separate groups to access these computers. While one group stayed in class the other went to the lab to learn some basic computer skills. As kids, we enjoyed staying behind and entertaing ourselve, playing games and just talking. Those were the sessions I didn't want to end, just because time was flowing easly with out any preasure.
Nowadays people think communicating over a text, makes them closer to the people they love, "make the world feel smaller"; which actually is in the contrary; I would argue. When a loved one text you, we might never know what he/she actually means or is feeling. Understanding your loved ones is one of the base for a healthy relationship, we can not build a relationship based on what a person might have meant. Most people including me are left with "does he mean to say....?" or "is she saying what I think she is saying or....?". True fellings come from understanding body language, feeling connected on a deeper level and much more.
I'm not saying internet is 100% bad as well, the software engineer side of me knows, with out the internet we wouldn't have the easier and more comfortable life that we have now. Yes we can benefit from this high end technology and utilize it with caution to simplify our day to day life.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| beirly | barely |
| fascilitate | facilitate |
| entertaing | entertaining |
| ourselfe | ourselves |
| easly | easily |
| preasure | pressure |
| fellings | feelings |
| with out | without |
Grammatical Mistakes
13 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| who's life | whose life | Possessive pronoun error; 'who's' means 'who is', but 'whose' is the possessive form. |
| we known | we knew | Verb tense error; past simple 'knew' is required for past action. |
| access to . | access to them | Incomplete phrase; needs an object after 'to'. |
| there was'nt enough computers | there weren't enough computers | Subject-verb agreement; 'computers' is plural, so 'were' is needed. |
| While one group stayed in class the other went to the lab | While one group stayed in class, the other went to the lab | Missing comma after introductory clause. |
| communicating over a text, makes them closer | communicating over text makes them closer | Unnecessary comma before verb 'makes'. |
| in the contrary | on the contrary | Incorrect preposition; 'on' is used in the fixed phrase 'on the contrary'. |
| When a loved one text you | When a loved one texts you | Subject-verb agreement; singular subject 'a loved one' requires third-person singular verb 'texts'. |
| one of the base for | one of the bases for | Word choice error; 'base' should be 'basis' or 'bases' for foundation. |
| can not | cannot | Standard spelling; 'cannot' is one word in most contexts. |
| I'm not saying internet is 100% bad as well | I'm not saying the internet is 100% bad either | Article missing before 'internet', and 'either' is preferred over 'as well' in negative statements. |
| knows, with out the internet we wouldn't have | knows that without the internet, we wouldn't have | Comma splice; use 'that' to introduce the clause, and add comma for clarity. |
| Yes we can benefit | Yes, we can benefit | Comma required after introductory word 'Yes'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| very bad | negatively | Informal; 'negatively' is more precise and academic for describing adverse effects. |
| kids | children | Informal; 'children' is the standard term in formal writing. |
| much more | and other factors | Vague; 'and other factors' is more specific and appropriate. |
| high end technology | advanced technology | Informal phrasing; 'advanced technology' is more formal and precise. |
| day to day life | daily life | Wordy; 'daily life' is concise and commonly used. |
| software engineer side of me | aspect of me as a software engineer | Informal construction; rephrased for better formality and clarity. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The response partially addresses the task. It presents some relevant ideas against the internet simplifying communication (e.g., misinterpretation in texting) and briefly mentions benefits, but the 'for' arguments are underdeveloped. The personal story about limited internet access in school does not directly relate to communication simplification. The writer's opinion is implied but not clearly stated and supported.
Examples
Paragraph 2 discusses childhood computer lab sessions, which is more about limited access and enjoyment of offline time rather than communication. Paragraph 3 argues against text communication, while paragraph 4 briefly acknowledges internet benefits but does not elaborate on how it simplifies communication.
How to Improve
Focus directly on the topic: discuss specific arguments for how the internet simplifies communication (e.g., instant messaging, video calls, social media connecting people globally) and against (e.g., lack of non-verbal cues, misinformation). Ensure both sides are equally developed. Clearly state your opinion and support it with relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression is weak. The second paragraph is not clearly linked to the main topic, and transitions between ideas are limited. Paragraphing is present but not always effective.
Examples
The shift from personal background to childhood anecdote is abrupt. The connection between paragraphs 3 and 4 is weak; the conclusion is brief. Cohesive devices are simple (e.g., 'Nowadays', 'While', 'Yes we can') and sometimes inaccurate.
How to Improve
Use a clear essay structure: introduction with thesis, body paragraphs each focusing on one main idea (e.g., one for arguments for, one against), and a conclusion summarizing and giving opinion. Use linking words (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'Furthermore', 'In contrast') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. There is an attempt to use some less common words, but accuracy is lacking.
Examples
Misspellings: 'beirly' (barely), 'fascilitate' (facilitate), 'entertaing' (entertaining), 'fellings' (feelings). Inaccurate phrases: 'in the contrary' (on the contrary), 'True fellings come from understanding body language' (True feelings). Some words are used incorrectly, e.g., 'high end technology' might be better as 'advanced technology'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to technology and communication. Practice spelling and use a dictionary to check word forms. Use collocations accurately (e.g., 'simplify communication', 'enhance understanding'). Avoid informal language ('kids') in academic writing.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but numerous grammatical errors in tense, subject-verb agreement, punctuation, and word order. Errors are frequent and sometimes impede understanding.
Examples
Tense error: 'the only internet we known' (we knew). Punctuation: missing commas in compound sentences ('While one group stayed in class the other went...'). Article error: 'a software engineer, who's life' (whose life). Word separation: 'with out' (without). Sentence fragment: 'Those were the sessions I didn't want to end, just because time was flowing easly with out any preasure.' (easily without any pressure).
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: verb tenses, articles, prepositions, and possessive forms. Practice writing complex sentences with correct punctuation. Proofread to correct errors like 'was'nt' (wasn't) and 'does he mean to say....?' (unnecessary ellipsis). Use sentence connectors appropriately.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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