This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the advantages and disadvantages of internet communication. While it addresses key points, it suffers from clarity and structural issues that hinder its overall effectiveness. To improve, focus on organizing arguments more clearly and enhancing grammatical accuracy.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Advantages/ Disadvantages Β· Internet Β· 40 min
The internet connects people from different places and makes the world feel smaller. Discuss the arguments for and against the idea that the internet has simplified communication between individuals and provide your own opinion on the matter.
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic by presenting both advantages and disadvantages of the internet in simplifying communication, and implies a personal opinion. However, the arguments could be more fully developed and clearly structured. The word count is sufficient (approximately 302 words, meeting the 250-word requirement). There are issues with grammatical accuracy and lexical precision, which affect clarity and cohesion.
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When you want to connect with someone, it's just a click away, No more waiting for letters, the modern technology is making everything much more convenient. The internet is a new way for the people of the twenty-first century to connect, it's fast and reliable. People around the world can communicate with each other just under a few seconds, making the world feel smaller than it actually is. The effortless connection with people via the internet makes our life interesting, we can talk with our loved ones and meet new stranger, expanding your social circle endlessly.
The internet helps people stay connected. A decade ago, when the internet wasn't invented yet, it takes days or even weeks just to say hello to someone in a different place, keeping in touch was harder in the past. Now, we can just send a quick text and receive the reply instantly. Other than staying connected, we're also able to create new connections, to make new online friends. We are able to talk to people just another town away to someone in an entirely different continent, finding the connection in the online world have never been easier but as everyone can access to the internet, not all are friendly nor safe.
With millions people roaming this small space we call the internet, we might encounter people who have malicious intentions toward the others. There are many examples of these dangerous situations, like online scamming or phishing, that have real world consequences. Accusing people of wrong doing might be too extreme but it's better safe than sorry. We might be able to have a wonderful connection with people we have never met, but at the same time there are people who might exploit the online space for wrong doings. We should cautiously use the internet, reserve your trust in others, and take care of ourselves in the online world.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| No more waiting for letters, the modern technology is making everything much more convenient. | No more waiting for letters. Modern technology is making everything much more convenient. | Run-on sentence; use a period to separate independent clauses |
| The internet is a new way for the people of the twenty-first century to connect, it's fast and reliable. | The internet is a new way for the people of the twenty-first century to connect. It is fast and reliable. | Comma splice; use a period or conjunction to join independent clauses |
| just under a few seconds | in just a few seconds | Incorrect preposition; use 'in' for time duration |
| makes our life interesting, we can talk with our loved ones and meet new stranger, expanding your social circle endlessly. | makes our lives interesting. We can talk with our loved ones and meet new strangers, expanding our social circle endlessly. | Run-on sentence, pronoun inconsistency, and noun number error |
| it takes days | it took days | Tense inconsistency; should use past tense to match context |
| have never been easier | has never been easier | Subject-verb agreement; 'finding' is singular and requires 'has' |
| access to the internet | access the internet | Incorrect verb phrase; 'access' is transitive, so no 'to' needed |
| nor safe | or safe | 'Nor' is used with 'neither'; with 'not all', use 'or' |
| millions people | millions of people | Missing preposition 'of' after 'millions' |
| the others | others | Unnecessary article; 'others' is sufficient |
| wrong doing | wrongdoing | Compound noun should be written as one word |
| reserve your trust | reserve our trust | Pronoun inconsistency; maintain 'we' throughout |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| just a click away | instantly accessible | Informal phrase; use more formal alternative for academic writing |
| makes our life interesting | enriches our lives | Vague; 'enriches' is more descriptive and precise |
| endlessly | significantly | Overly vague and exaggerated; use a more measured term |
| a quick text | a brief message | Informal; use standard term for written communication |
| finding the connection | establishing connections | Vague; 'establishing' is a more active and precise verb |
| real world | real-world | Compound adjective requires hyphen for clarity |
| better safe than sorry | it is prudent to be cautious | Informal idiom; use formal expression for academic tone |
| online space | online platforms | Vague term; 'platforms' is more specific and appropriate |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay partially fulfills the task by discussing some arguments for and against the simplification of communication via the internet. The opinion is present but not explicitly stated, and arguments are somewhat underdeveloped.
Examples
For arguments: mentions speed, reliability, and ease of connection (e.g., 'just a click away'). Against arguments: mentions safety issues like scamming and phishing. Opinion: suggests cautious use in conclusion.
How to Improve
Clearly separate paragraphs for 'for' and 'against' arguments. Provide more detailed examples for each side, such as specific benefits (e.g., video calls bridging distances) and drawbacks (e.g., privacy concerns). State your opinion explicitly in the introduction or conclusion, and support it with reasoning.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic paragraph structure, but cohesion is weakened by poor sentence linking and inconsistent pronoun use. The flow of ideas is somewhat disjointed.
Examples
Shift from 'our' to 'your' in the first paragraph. Lack of transitional phrases between paragraphs. Run-on sentences, e.g., 'The effortless connection... makes our life interesting, we can talk...'
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices such as 'however', 'on the other hand', 'in contrast' to link ideas. Ensure consistent pronoun usage. Break long sentences into shorter ones or use appropriate punctuation, like semicolons or conjunctions.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate but with some errors and repetition. There is an attempt to use less common words, but inaccuracies reduce the effectiveness.
Examples
Incorrect: 'meet new stranger' (should be 'strangers'), 'access to the internet' (should be 'access the internet'), 'millions people' (should be 'millions of people'). Good use: 'malicious intentions', 'exploit', 'phishing'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range by learning collocations (e.g., 'establish connections', 'foster relationships'). Practice using words accurately in context. Avoid repetition by using synonyms like 'communication' instead of 'connect' repeatedly.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity and accuracy.
Examples
Tense inconsistency: 'it takes days' instead of 'it took days'. Subject-verb agreement: 'finding the connection... have never been easier' (should be 'has'). Article misuse: 'the modern technology' (should be 'modern technology').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Practice writing complex sentences with correct subordinate clauses. Proofread essays to catch and correct errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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