This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses academic pressure's impact on teenagers. While it addresses causes and solutions, it struggles with clarity and depth, needing improved organization and vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (264 words) and addresses the prompt by discussing causes of academic pressure (family, teachers, society, lack of free time) and suggesting solutions (curriculum changes, outdoor activities, family support). However, the response lacks depth, with only a brief example and limited elaboration. Coherence is hindered by poor paragraphing and repetitive connectors. Lexical resource is weak due to frequent errors and limited vocabulary. Grammatical errors are numerous, affecting clarity. Overall, the essay is adequate but requires significant improvement in language and organisation.
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Academic Pressure is causing mental health problem among teenagers which have a long term iffect to the society. In the modern era, Students are using their full time for academic persuit. They do not have proper time for play, travel and mental developmental activities. They are using their full tim e for academic education. For that reason, they are facing anxiety, depression, and burnout, which causes serious problems among the youth. The main causes for this , the pressure of academic good result from the family, relatives ,teachers and the society. For that reason teenagers are used to go institutions, private tuitions and coachings for their academic purpose, which takes whole time of a day and a student did not get tinme for mental growth. This havits makes them introvert and they faces the problems. For example, Akib a brilliant student always spend his time for academic purpose and do not get proper time for mental peace development, for that reason when he was in class 10, he faces anxiety and depression . Also he become so introvert, as a result he tries to commit suicide. To avoid this situation we need to moderate our education curriculum with mental development elements. Also we should give proper time to the youth for play outdoor games, travel and explore new things which will sharpen the brain of youth generation. Also family should have friendly behaviour with their child and spend quality time with them. To Conclude, We should reduce academic pressure and spend quality time with teenagers for avoiding such problems and for a best society.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
5 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| ifeect | effect |
| persuit | pursuit |
| tim e | time |
| tinme | time |
| havits | habits |
Grammatical Mistakes
16 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| mental health problem | mental health problems | Plural noun needed because the context implies multiple problems |
| long term iffect to the society | long-term effects on society | Preposition 'to' should be 'on'; remove article 'the'; 'effect' plural; hyphenate compound adjective |
| academic persuit | academic pursuits | Noun should be plural 'pursuits' |
| which causes serious problems | which cause serious problems | Relative pronoun 'which' refers to plural antecedents (anxiety, depression, burnout), so verb should be 'cause' |
| The main causes for this , the pressure of academic good result from the family, relatives ,teachers and the society. | The main causes for this are the pressure for good academic results from family, relatives, teachers, and society. | Missing verb 'are'; word order 'academic good result' corrected; extra spaces removed; article 'the' before 'society' removed |
| teenagers are used to go institutions | teenagers go to institutions | 'are used to go' is incorrect; correct simple present with 'go to' for habitual action |
| which takes whole time of a day and a student did not get tinme for mental growth | which takes up the whole day and students do not get time for mental growth | Phrasing 'whole time of a day' corrected to 'the whole day'; tense shift 'did not get' changed to present 'do not get'; plural 'students' for consistency |
| This havits makes | These habits make | Subject-verb agreement: 'habits' is plural, so verb should be 'make'; demonstrative 'this' changed to 'these' |
| they faces the problems | they face problems | Subject-verb agreement: 'they' requires 'face' not 'faces'; article 'the' removed for general reference |
| Akib a brilliant student always spend his time for academic purpose and do not get proper time | Akib, a brilliant student, always spends his time on academic purposes and does not get proper time | Add commas around appositive; 'spend' → 'spends' (third person singular); 'purpose' → 'purposes'; 'do not' → 'does not' |
| he faces anxiety and depression | he faced anxiety and depression | Past tense needed for consistency with 'was in class 10' |
| Also he become so introvert, as a result he tries to commit suicide. | He also became so introverted that he tried to commit suicide. | Past tense 'became' and 'tried'; 'introvert' (noun) changed to 'introverted' (adjective); restructured sentence for clarity |
| give proper time to the youth for play outdoor games | give youth proper time to play outdoor games | Infinitive 'to play' required after 'time for'; word order improved |
| which will sharpen the brain of youth generation | which will sharpen the brains of the younger generation | Plural 'brains'; 'youth generation' → 'younger generation' for natural collocation and article |
| family should have friendly behaviour with their child and spend quality time with them | families should be friendly with their children and spend quality time with them | Subject-verb number consistency: 'family' → 'families' or keep singular and change 'them' appropriately; 'have friendly behaviour with' → 'be friendly with' |
| for avoiding such problems and for a best society | to avoid such problems and create a better society | 'for avoiding' → infinitive 'to avoid'; 'a best' → 'a better' (comparative needed) |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| full time for academic education | all their time on academic education | 'Full time' is a noun phrase; 'all their time' is more natural in this context |
| mental developmental activities | activities for mental development | Collocation: 'mental development' is standard; 'developmental' is redundant |
| academic good result | good academic results | Adjective order: 'good' should precede 'academic'; plural 'results' for general reference |
| private tuitions and coachings | private tuition and coaching | 'Tuition' and 'coaching' are uncountable nouns; do not take plural -s |
| mental peace development | mental development or peace of mind | Unclear hybrid; 'mental development' is precise; 'peace of mind' is a fixed phrase for well-being |
| he become so introvert | he became so introverted | 'Introvert' is a noun; the adjective 'introverted' is required |
| sharpen the brain | enhance cognitive abilities | More academic and precise than the informal 'sharpen the brain' |
| youth generation | younger generation | Standard collocation: 'younger generation' instead of redundant 'youth generation' |
| friendly behaviour with | kind and supportive towards | More appropriate collocation for describing parent-child relationships |
| for a best society | for a better society | Comparative adjective 'better' needed; 'best' implies superlative without comparison |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay identifies relevant causes (pressure from family, relatives, teachers, society; lack of time for mental growth) and solutions (moderate curriculum, play, family time). It includes a brief example (Akib) to illustrate the problem. However, the ideas are not fully developed or explained, and the argument remains superficial. The word count is sufficient.
Examples
The essay mentions 'Akib a brilliant student... he faces anxiety and depression... he tries to commit suicide' as an example, but it is presented without sufficient context or analysis.
How to Improve
Expand each cause and solution with specific details, evidence, or multiple perspectives. Use the example to illustrate a clear cause-effect relationship and link it to the suggested solutions. Ensure every part of the question is thoroughly addressed.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic logical structure, moving from causes to solutions and a conclusion. However, paragraphing is absent (the entire essay is a single block of text). Cohesive devices are limited and repetitive ('for that reason', 'also', 'to conclude'). Some sentences are disjointed, and ideas do not flow smoothly.
Examples
The transition from 'the main causes for this' to 'For that reason teenagers are used to go institutions' is abrupt. The conclusion is introduced with 'To Conclude' but does not summarise the main points effectively.
How to Improve
Use clear paragraph breaks: one for introduction, one or two for causes, one or two for solutions, and a separate conclusion. Incorporate a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'consequently', 'in addition', 'as a result'). Ensure each sentence logically follows the previous one.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is basic and repetitive ('academic', 'teenager', 'time', 'mental'). There are several spelling errors ('iffert' for effect, 'persuit' for pursuit, 'havits' for habits, 'tinme' for time). The register is informal in places (e.g., 'did not get tinme for mental growth'). No use of less common or academic lexis.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'iffert' (effect), 'persuit' (pursuit), 'tinme' (time), 'havits' (habits). Incorrect word choice: 'students are using their full time for academic persuit' – should be 'spend all their time on academic pursuits'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms (e.g., 'pressure' → 'strain', 'stress'; 'causes' → 'factors', 'triggers'). Proofread spelling carefully. Use more precise terms like 'curriculum reform', 'extracurricular activities', 'psychological well-being'. Avoid informal phrasing.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement errors ('Students are using', but later 'a student did not get'), incorrect tense usage, missing articles, and run-on sentences. Sentence structures are mostly simple or incorrectly combined. There is little variety in sentence types.
Examples
'Academic Pressure is causing mental health problem among teenagers which have a long term iffect to the society' – subject-verb agreement issue ('which have' should be 'which has'), missing article ('a long-term effect'). 'teenagers are used to go institutions' – incorrect structure (should be 'teenagers are used to going to institutions' or 'teenagers go to institutions').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct verb patterns ('used to doing' vs. 'used to do'). Practice writing complex sentences using subordinators (e.g., 'because', 'although', 'while'). After writing, proofread for errors. Consider using a grammar check tool or seeking feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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