This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the causes and solutions of academic pressure affecting teenagers. While it identifies key factors, the essay lacks depth and detailed examples, leading to clarity issues. Improving the development of ideas and supporting them with specific instances could enhance overall effectiveness.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task by identifying causes (educational curriculum, school structure, parents) and proposing solutions (revising curriculum, flexible learning, parent orientation). However, it lacks depth and development, with only one personal example. Vocabulary and grammar errors significantly affect clarity and range. The word count (294) meets the minimum requirement.
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Academic pressure is affecting the mental health of teenagers resulting into anxiety, depression, and burn out. This increasing problem is having negative impacts on the students' well-being and long term growth. Factors like education curriculum, unfavorable school structure, and parents are the causes. Solving this requires rapt attention to the education curriculum, schools learning structures and parents.
One of the major causes of academic strress is the educational curriculum. For instance, when the ministry of education provides a curriculum that involves too many activities with an expectation that each school makes sure students partake in all, it leads to academic pressure. In addition, there are some school that are structured in way that do not give room for students' rest. A good example is the school I attended for my secondary school education. Apart from the fact that we all studied alot during school hours, we were also given assignments during the holiday for each day. Also, parents gives these teenagers unneccesary pressure to perform well academically.
To put a stop to this, some necessary measures need to be taken. To start with, the education curicullum should be revise in a way that makes learning easier. Teenagers can be allowed to choose their area of insterest instead of doing all activities. Again, schools should organize a flexible learning environment for the students. For instance, holidays should be for the students to rejuvinate. Additionally, parents should be orientated on the effects of the mental stress they put on their children academically, and how to avoid that.
In conclusion, all the three factors which are education curriculum, school structures, and parents without exemption, should be put into consideration to foster change. There should be a flexible school structure, a well-organized curriculum and orientation for the parents.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| strress | stress |
| alot | a lot |
| unneccesary | unnecessary |
| curicullum | curriculum |
| insterest | interest |
| rejuvinate | rejuvenate |
| orientated | oriented |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| resulting into | resulting in | Preposition error: 'result in' is the correct collocation |
| long term | long-term | Compound adjective requires a hyphen when preceding a noun |
| partake in all | participate in all of them | Missing object after 'all'; added 'of them' for clarity |
| there are some school | there are some schools | Subject-verb agreement: 'school' should be plural 'schools' |
| during the holiday | during the holidays | Holiday period is plural or requires article adjustment |
| parents gives | parents give | Subject-verb agreement: 'parents' is plural, so verb should be 'give' |
| should be revise | should be revised | Past participle needed after 'should be' |
| all the three factors | all three factors | Redundant article 'the' before 'three' |
| without exemption | without exception | Incorrect word: 'exemption' means exclusion; 'exception' means excluding |
| put into consideration | taken into consideration | Incorrect collocation: 'take into consideration' is the standard phrase |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| rapt attention | urgent attention | 'Rapt attention' implies being engrossed; here 'urgent' or 'focused' is more appropriate |
| give room for | allow for | Informal phrase; 'allow for' is more formal and precise |
| put a stop to this | address this issue | Informal idiom; 'address this issue' is more academic |
| like | such as | Informal; 'such as' is more appropriate in academic writing |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response covers both parts of the question (causes and solutions) and stays on topic. However, ideas are underdeveloped and largely generic. The personal anecdote (the school the writer attended) is the only specific example, and the solutions are not elaborated with concrete details or real-world applicability.
Examples
Causes are listed as 'education curriculum, unfavorable school structure, and parents' but the explanation for each is brief. For instance, the claim about 'too many activities' is not supported with specific instances beyond the writer's own school experience.
How to Improve
Expand each cause with a more detailed explanation or a clear example (e.g., mention specific subjects, exam pressure, or parental expectations). For solutions, suggest practical steps like counselling services, teacher training, or awareness campaigns. Ensure each paragraph fully develops the idea before moving on.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure: introduction, two body paragraphs (causes then solutions), and a conclusion. Transition words like 'For instance', 'In addition', and 'To start with' are used, but the flow is sometimes awkward, and ideas can appear repetitive. The conclusion mirrors the introduction without summarising key points effectively.
Examples
The phrase 'To put a stop to this' is an abrupt shift. The sentence 'Additionally, parents should be orientated on the effects...' could be better linked to the previous point. The list of three factors is repeated almost verbatim in the conclusion.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'furthermore', 'as a result'). Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the concluding paragraph synthesises, not just repeats, the main ideas. Avoid starting the solution paragraph with a new marker that feels disconnected.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and contains several spelling errors and awkward word choices, which reduce precision and formality. There is some attempt to use topic-related words ('curriculum', 'flexible learning environment', 'mental stress'), but the range is narrow.
Examples
Spelling mistakes: 'strress' (stress), 'unneccesary' (unnecessary), 'rejuvinate' (rejuvenate), 'curicullum' (curriculum), 'insterest' (interest). Awkward phrasing: 'rapt attention' (intended: 'careful attention' or 'focus'), 'parents gives' (subject-verb agreement error). The word 'orientated' is informal; 'educated' or 'informed' is better.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by reading academic articles on education and mental health. Practise using synonyms for common words (e.g., 'pressure' → 'strain', 'demand'). Proofread for spelling errors and replace informal expressions with more formal alternatives. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to check collocations.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that impede clarity. Sentence structures are mostly simple or compound, with few complex forms. Subject-verb agreement, verb forms, and article usage are inconsistent.
Examples
'Acacemic pressure is affecting... resulting into anxiety' should be 'resulting in'; 'gives these teenagers unneccesary pressure' should be 'give' or 'subject them to'; 'holidays should be for the students to rejuvinate' – incorrect word form; 'all the three factors... without exemption' is awkward. The phrase 'schools that are structured in way that do not give room' lacks an article and correct relative pronoun.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and countable/uncountable nouns. Practise writing complex sentences using subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Because the curriculum is overloaded, students feel overwhelmed'). Have your work checked for errors before submission. Focus on accurate use of articles (a, an, the) and prepositions.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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