This Band 5.5 essay addresses the significant issue of academic pressure among teenagers and its mental health impacts. While it covers causes and solutions, clarity and paragraph structure need improvement for a more coherent argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions of academic pressure leading to teenage mental health issues. However, the response lacks depth, contains repetitive points, and the solutions are vague. Coherence is weakened by poor paragraph structure and limited linking devices. Lexical range is narrow with frequent spelling errors, and grammatical errors are common, reducing clarity.
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In this writing we will discuss the cause of anxiety, depression and burnout on teenagers due to academic pressure and possible solutions to overcome the issue.
Accademic presure is not something that teenagers discovered just when they are teenagers. This was gradually built from the time when they were kids. From the time they first attended nursery. Due the growing competition in job markets, parents tend to force their kids to study more to prepare for the future. Eventhough the so called requirement for the jobs are in the future, parents create a compettion among the children unknowningly from the childhood.
As parents demand the best for their children, this create a high competion among the schools and colleges to become the best, including more and more to their syllabus to ensure that the children studying in their schools or colleges to have more knowledge than the others. This practice keeps building up and as teenagers, the amount of study materials that a teenager has to go through becomes humonges.
This gradually turns to anxiety, depression and burnout as they are exposed to study materials more than everbefore. Furthermore, in any class only 3 people can take the top place in any given time and the creation of this places has created insecurity to all others below them. This leads to mental health issues to teenagers eventhough they have scored good marks. Also for the top 3 studetns they will be under constent pressure to keep their spots as, failing to do so, they will join the others.
The best solution to overcome this is, all the education system should be revamped to understand what knowledge really matters the students and what should be optional studies. Furthermore, the ranking system should be reviwed and all students with respectable scores should be given credit. Also the parents should understand their children should also have pass time to relax and reboot their mind to ensure the stress does not overtake them. Through this overall, we can believe" title="Correction: Through this overall, we can believe">Through this overall we can belive that the stress on teenagers could be limited to certain extent.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
10 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| Accademic | Academic |
| Eventhough | Even though |
| compettion | competition |
| unknowningly | unknowingly |
| humonges | humongous |
| everbefore | ever before |
| studetns | students |
| constent | constant |
| reviwed | reviewed |
| belive | believe |
Grammatical Mistakes
15 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Due the growing | Due to the growing | Missing preposition 'to' |
| from the childhood | from childhood | Unnecessary article 'the' before abstract noun 'childhood' |
| this create a high competion | this creates a high competition | Subject-verb agreement: 'this' requires singular verb 'creates' |
| including more and more to their syllabus | including more and more in their syllabus | Preposition 'in' is correct instead of 'to' |
| this gradually turns to anxiety | this gradually turns into anxiety | Phrasal verb 'turns into' is appropriate |
| the creation of this places | the creation of these places | Demonstrative pronoun should be plural 'these' to agree with 'places' |
| has created insecurity to all others | has created insecurity in all others | Preposition 'in' is more appropriate than 'to' |
| leads to mental health issues to teenagers | leads to mental health issues in teenagers | Preposition 'in' is standard for indicating who experiences the issues |
| for the top 3 studetns they will be under constent pressure | the top 3 students will be under constant pressure | Remove unnecessary 'for' and fix spelling |
| to keep their spots as, failing to do so, they will join the others | to keep their spots; failing to do so, they will join the others | Comma splice; use semicolon or rephrase with 'as' clause properly |
| The best solution to overcome this is, all the education system should be revamped | The best solution to overcome this is that the education system should be revamped | Replace comma with 'that' to introduce clause |
| what knowledge really matters the students | what knowledge really matters to the students | Missing preposition 'to' after 'matters' |
| their children should also have pass time to relax | their children should also have time to relax | 'Pass time' is not a noun; use 'time' or 'pastime' |
| Through this overall we can belive | Through this overall, we can believe | Missing comma after 'overall' and spelling correction |
| to certain extent | to a certain extent | Missing article 'a' |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| humonges | enormous | 'Humongous' is informal; 'enormous' is more academic |
| top place | top ranks | 'Place' is vague; 'ranks' is more precise in a competitive context |
| pass time | leisure time | 'Pass time' is not a standard noun phrase; 'leisure time' is appropriate for academic tone |
| reboot their mind | refresh their mind | 'Reboot' is a tech metaphor; 'refresh' is more natural for mental relaxation |
| Through this overall | Overall, through this approach | The phrasing is awkward; rephrase for clarity |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the question, identifying causes such as parental pressure, school competition, and ranking systems, and suggests solutions like curriculum reform and parental awareness. However, the ideas are underdeveloped and sometimes tangential (e.g., focusing solely on top-three rankings). The response is on topic but lacks full exploration.
Examples
Cause: 'parents tend to force their kids to study more' and 'this create a high competion among the schools'. Solution: 'all the education system should be revamped' and 'parent should understand their children should also have pass time'.
How to Improve
Provide more specific evidence or examples for each cause (e.g., citing statistics or common scenarios). Develop solutions with practical steps (e.g., how to revamp the system). Ensure each paragraph addresses a distinct point to avoid repetition.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure (introduction, causes, solutions) but lacks clear topic sentences and effective transitions. Ideas are sometimes repeated rather than logically sequenced. Paragraph breaks are inconsistent, and cohesion is weak overall.
Examples
The second and third paragraphs both focus on competition without clear progression. The phrase 'Furthermore, in any class only 3 people can take the top place' is abrupt and poorly linked. There is little use of cohesive devices like 'therefore', 'consequently', or 'on the other hand'.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Employ a range of linking words to show cause-effect and contrast. Ensure each paragraph covers one main idea and flows smoothly to the next.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and often inaccurate. Spelling errors (e.g., 'Accademic', 'compettion', 'humonges', 'studetns', 'constent', 'reviwed') and inappropriate word choices (e.g., 'pass time' instead of 'pastime') reduce lexical range. Repetition of basic terms like 'pressure' and 'stress' is noticeable.
Examples
'Eventhough', 'unknowningly', 'everbefore', 'belive', 'humonges' (for 'humongous'), 'limitied' (for 'limited'). There is some attempt at variety ('gradually built', 'revamped'), but overall it is narrow.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for key terms (e.g., strain, burden, alleviate). Proofread to eliminate spelling errors. Use collocations naturally (e.g., 'excessive academic pressure', 'mitigate stress').
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that interfere with meaning. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('This create'), incorrect tense ('was gradually built'), missing prepositions ('Due the growing competition'), and article misuse. Sentence structures are mostly simple or fragmented.
Examples
'As parents demand the best for their children, this create a high competion...' (should be 'creates'). 'Also for the top 3 studetns they will be under constent pressure...' (comma splice). 'Through this overall we can belive...' (wrong word order and spelling).
How to Improve
Practice basic grammar rules (subject-verb agreement, tenses, prepositions). Write complex sentences with clear subordination. Review common error patterns and seek feedback. Use a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences correctly.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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