Achieving a Band 5.5 in the IELTS Writing section, this essay addresses academic pressure's impact on teenagers. The main feedback centers on coherence and grammar issues, which impede clarity and effectiveness. By reviewing this response, students can learn to enhance their ideas and improve their writing strategies.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic and meets the word count requirement (287 words). However, it suffers from issues in coherence, grammar, and lexical variety, which limit its overall effectiveness. The response provides some relevant ideas but lacks depth and precision in their development.
Now write your own — and see how your verdict holds up.
Submit your Education essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar — plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.
Some people argue that academic pressure is causing mental health issues especially among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout and much more.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
Nowadays, mental health problems has been the basic discussion among society. There are many causes for this issue community should not overlook it. Firstly, the level of competition among students had risen dramatically in recent decades. The children in schools have long hours of studying. Nevertheless, the quality of subject had turned to be very concentrated. Therefore, that result in students have to study harder in order to achieve the optimal academic result. Among this long journey some from those students able to succeed and others filldown into mental health issues. So, high competition and imbalanced study life are considerable causes.
Regarding the propsed solutions for academic pressure issues and its consequences. To begin with, it is highly important to support those teenagers closely. All kind of support is neccesery at this time of age. For instance, parents at home can assist in doing the homework and insure of having a healthy lifestyle that balanced between study and other activities like watching T.V. or playing outdoor. Furthermore, much of the day time students are staying in schools with their instructors. hence, Schools should do a regular extracurricular activities which helps studens improve their soft skills. Currently, many teenagers are doing a different type of sports that include: running, swimming, walkig, boxing and riding a bicycles. this activities have a variable advantages on both physical and mental health.
In cnclusion, the mental health issues has been one the bigger disadvantages of academic pressure on teenagers. However, it can be solved by the callobration of schools and parents.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| filldown | fall down |
| propsed | proposed |
| neccesery | necessary |
| insure | ensure |
| studens | students |
| walkig | walking |
| bicycles | bicycle |
| cnclusion | conclusion |
| callobration | collaboration |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| mental health problems has been | mental health problems have been | Subject-verb agreement: 'problems' is plural and requires 'have'. |
| the level of competition among students had risen | the level of competition among students has risen | Incorrect tense: 'has' is appropriate for recent changes. |
| the quality of subject had turned | the quality of subjects has turned | Incorrect tense and singular/plural mismatch: 'subjects' is plural, and 'has' is appropriate for recent changes. |
| that result in students have to study harder | this results in students having to study harder | Subject-verb agreement and sentence structure correction. |
| others filldown into mental health issues | others fall into mental health issues | Incorrect verb usage: 'fall' is the correct verb here. |
| All kind of support is neccesery | All kinds of support are necessary | Plural form and subject-verb agreement correction. |
| Schools should do a regular extracurricular activities | Schools should organize regular extracurricular activities | Improved verb choice and article usage. |
| this activities have a variable advantages | these activities have various advantages | Demonstrative pronoun agreement and improved vocabulary. |
| the mental health issues has been | mental health issues have been | Subject-verb agreement: 'issues' is plural and requires 'have'. |
| one the bigger disadvantages | one of the biggest disadvantages | Article usage and superlative form correction. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| basic discussion | common topic of discussion | Improved precision and formality. |
| turned to be very concentrated | become highly specialized | Improved phrasing for academic tone. |
| assist in doing the homework | assist with completing homework | Improved phrasing for clarity and formality. |
| watching T.V. | watching television | Avoid abbreviation in formal writing. |
| include: running, swimming, walkig, boxing and riding a bicycles | include activities such as running, swimming, walking, boxing, and cycling | Improved phrasing and corrected word choice for clarity and formality. |
| variable advantages | various benefits | Improved word choice for precision and academic tone. |
Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.
Submit your Education essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria — with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.
Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the question by identifying causes of academic pressure and suggesting solutions. However, the ideas are not fully developed, and some points lack clarity or depth. For example, the discussion of 'high competition and imbalanced study life' is too general and not supported with specific examples or evidence.
Examples
The mention of 'long hours of studying' and 'extracurricular activities' is relevant but not elaborated upon in detail.
How to Improve
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. For instance, explain how extracurricular activities can directly alleviate mental health issues or how competition impacts teenagers' well-being.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the ideas are not always logically connected, and transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak. Some sentences are repetitive or unclear, which affects the overall flow.
Examples
Phrases like 'Regarding the propsed solutions for academic pressure issues and its consequences' are awkward and disrupt the flow. The conclusion is abrupt and does not summarize the main points effectively.
How to Improve
Use clear linking words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. For example, use 'Moreover,' 'In addition,' or 'As a result' to improve transitions. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and that the conclusion summarizes the key points.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition and incorrect word choices. There are attempts to use more advanced words, but they are often used inaccurately or awkwardly.
Examples
Words like 'propsed,' 'callobration,' and 'neccesery' are misspelled. Phrases like 'the quality of subject had turned to be very concentrated' are unclear and awkward.
How to Improve
Expand your vocabulary by learning synonyms and collocations related to the topic. Practice using more precise and varied language. For example, instead of 'doing a different type of sports,' use 'engaging in various physical activities.'
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement issues, incorrect verb forms, and sentence structure problems. These errors make the essay difficult to read and reduce its overall effectiveness.
Examples
Errors include 'mental health problems has been,' 'others filldown into mental health issues,' and 'this activities have a variable advantages.'
How to Improve
Focus on improving basic grammar, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Practice writing simple, grammatically correct sentences before attempting more complex ones. For example, 'This activity has various advantages' is a correct version of 'this activities have a variable advantages.'
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
RELATED ESSAYS
01
In many schools, students are increasingly distracted by digital devices during lessons, which affects their concentration and classroom engagement.What problems does this cause, and what solutions can be implemented to address them? Write at least 250 words.
It is believed by many individuals that school students have shown decline in their ability to focus due to usage of digital devices during classes. However, wh...
02
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
In this century, the topic of incresing of drug abuses has become a subject of great importance and frequently discussed by the people all over the world. Some ...
03
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, many countries have been facing a variety of social and economic challenges. Among these, the issue mentioned in the statement has become a ma...
04
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
"Knowledge is power", is a well-known quote amongst many people. The world has advanced technologically and academically to exceedingly high levels. With such d...
05
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words.
There is an old line in the Philippines where a person can be judge with their character at home based on the behavior they display publicly. It is fundamental ...