In this Band 5.5 IELTS essay, the writer tackles the issue of academic pressure affecting mental health among teenagers. Despite addressing key causes and suggesting solutions, the essay suffers from significant spelling errors and a need for deeper development of ideas. Discover how to improve clarity and strengthen your IELTS writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions for mental health issues due to academic pressure, meeting the word count (260 words). However, development is somewhat shallow, with ideas needing more elaboration. There are numerous spelling errors and grammatical inaccuracies that affect clarity and lexical range. Coherence and cohesion are generally maintained through a clear structure and linking words, though paragraph transitions could be smoother. Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic but flawed command of IELTS criteria, resulting in a band 5.5.
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Academic pressure has become a mojor concern in modern education,leading to serious mental heakth problem among tennegers such as anxiety, depression,and burnout. This issue not only affects students'well-being but also their long term development. This essay will discuss the main causes of the problem and suggest possible solution.
One of the primary causes of mental health issues among tennagers is excessive academic pressure.students are often expected to acheive high grades,ehich creates constant stress. In many cases,parents and teachers place unrealistic expectations on students, forcing them to compete with others. As a result,tennegers may feel overwhelmed and anxious about their performance.Additionally,the education system in many countries focuses more on exams then practical learning,which increases pressure rather then reducing it.
Another contributing factor is the lack of proper emotional support. Many students do not feel comfortable sharing their problem with parents or teachers. social media can also worsen the situation ,as a tennegers compare themselves with other and feel inadequate.
To adess this issue,several measures can be taken. Firstly,schools should promote a banaced approach to education by reducing exam pressure and encouraging extracurricular activities. this can help students relax and develop other skill. secondly parents should support their children emotionally instead of forcing them to meet high expection and compare to others.finally school should provide counselling services to help stuedents deal with stress , yoga classes and other mental health problem effectively.
In conclusion,acedemic pressure is a significant cause of mental health issue among tennegers.however,with proper support frpm school and families, this problem can be reduced,leading to healthier and more confident students.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
13 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| mojor | major |
| heakth | health |
| tennegers | teenagers |
| tennagers | teenagers |
| acheive | achieve |
| ehich | which |
| then | than |
| adess | address |
| banaced | balanced |
| expection | expectation |
| stuedents | students |
| acedemic | academic |
| frpm | from |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| mental health problem | mental health problems | Plural required since it refers to multiple issues (anxiety, depression, burnout) |
| possible solution | possible solutions | Plural needed as the essay suggests multiple measures |
| sharing their problem | sharing their problems | Plural to match 'many students' and the general context |
| as a tennegers | as teenagers | Remove unnecessary article 'a' and correct spelling; 'teenagers' is plural |
| compare themselves with other | compare themselves with others | 'Others' plural to refer to multiple people |
| other skill | other skills | Plural needed as there are multiple skills |
| high expection | high expectations | Plural form, and spelling corrected |
| yoga classes | attend yoga classes | Parallelism: 'yoga classes' should be a verb phrase to match 'deal with stress' |
| other mental health problem | other mental health problems | Plural required |
| mental health issue | mental health issues | Plural to match earlier references |
| long term development | long-term development | Compound adjective should be hyphenated |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the task, identifying relevant causes (excessive pressure, lack of emotional support) and solutions (balanced education, parental support, counselling). However, the ideas are not fully developed; for example, the role of social media is mentioned but not explored. The conclusion restates the main points without strong synthesis. There is room for deeper analysis and more specific examples.
Examples
Causes: 'excessive academic pressure' and 'lack of proper emotional support'. Solutions: 'schools should promote a balanced approach', 'parents should support their children emotionally', 'schools should provide counselling services'.
How to Improve
Expand each point with specific examples or evidence. For instance, describe how excessive homework or exam culture triggers anxiety. Explain how counselling services work in practice. Use a clear cause-effect structure to show deeper understanding.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear organizational pattern: introduction, causes (two paragraphs), solutions (one paragraph), conclusion. Cohesive devices like 'one of', 'another', 'firstly', 'secondly', 'finally', and 'in conclusion' are used effectively. However, the paragraph on solutions is a single block, and some transitions between ideas are abrupt. Spelling errors occasionally disrupt flow.
Examples
Introduction links to causes; 'One of the primary causes...' and 'Another contributing factor...' are well-signposted. Solutions paragraph uses sequential markers.
How to Improve
Break the solutions paragraph into separate points for clarity. Use more varied linking phrases (e.g., 'in addition', 'furthermore', 'as a result'). Ensure each body paragraph focuses on one main idea with a topic sentence.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with frequent spelling errors that impede readability (e.g., 'mojor', 'heakth', 'tennegers', 'acheive', 'banaced', 'expection', 'stuedents', 'frpm'). Attempts at academic words ('contributing factor', 'overwhelmed', 'extracurricular') show some range, but overall lexical control is weak.
Examples
Misuse: 'acedemic' instead of 'academic', 'ehich' instead of 'which', 'tennegers' for 'teenagers'. Better use: 'excessive academic pressure', 'unrealistic expectations', 'counselling services'.
How to Improve
Focus on spelling accuracy by reviewing common academic words. Build vocabulary related to education and mental health (e.g., 'curriculum overload', 'resilience', 'emotional well-being', 'stress management'). Use synonyms to avoid repetition of 'pressure' and 'students'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
The essay relies on simple and compound sentences with frequent grammatical errors. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('a tennegers compare'), article misuse ('a significant cause'), incorrect word forms ('banaced'), and run-on sentences. There is little use of complex structures or subordinate clauses.
Examples
Error: 'students are often expected to acheive high grades,ehich creates constant stress' – missing comma and 'which'. Error: 'as a tennegers compare themselves with other' – 'a' before plural noun, 'other' should be 'others'. Correct example: 'Many students do not feel comfortable sharing their problems with parents or teachers.'
How to Improve
Practice constructing complex sentences using relative clauses (e.g., 'The pressure, which often comes from high expectations, leads to anxiety'). Work on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofread carefully to eliminate spelling errors that affect grammar.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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