This Band 5.5 IELTS essay addresses the challenges of aging in affluent societies, including degenerative diseases. While it meets the word count, grammar and clarity issues reduce its effectiveness, making it crucial for students to focus on improving these areas.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Old People · 40 min
As people live longer in rich countries, they encounter a range of challenges that require long-term solutions. What challenges will they and their communities face? What are some possible solutions to mitigate the effects of growing old?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (282 words) and addresses both parts of the question, discussing challenges of aging and possible solutions. However, the development is somewhat general, lacking depth and specific examples from rich countries. There are noticeable issues with grammar, spelling, and cohesion that reduce clarity and overall effectiveness.
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In developed countries people have a long life span.This is mainly because they have access to quality health care and good shelter.However,old age is associated with many difficulties that has a negative impact on their livelihoods and the community as well.This essay will explore the problems associated with old age followed by possible solutions.
First of all,old age is mostly associated with degenarative diseases.The are diseases that mainly affect eye sight,muscles and the brain.Most people of this age suffer memory loss,poor eye sight and have difficulties in moving.For example when one suffers memory loss,they easily forget simple details such as where they placed their phone and conversations they had before.Morever,being unable to see properly and move form one place to another unsupervised has a negative impact on their daily routines such as,preparing food ,bathing and attending doctor's appointments.Therefore,with such kind of problems it will not be possible for old aged people to survive without supervision.
However there are a wide range of solutions that can mitifate the effects of old age.The introduction of Old people's home can have a positive outcome towards this problem.In these homes,carers will be available offering servive like feeding,giving medication and support movement from one place to another.The govenment can also consider including them on monthly based salary.This could help them purchase basic needs and pay for medication.As a community,giving first preference to the old people in public areas can also help.For example in Zimbabwe old people are the first to be assisted in banks where people stand in long lines waiting for servive and in hospital.Considering that they are no longer energetic an can not stand for long periods,this initiative has a significant impact on their wellbeing.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| degenarative | degenerative |
| Morever | Moreover |
| mitifate | mitigate |
| servive | service |
| govenment | government |
| form | from |
| an | and |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| difficulties that has | difficulties that have | Subject-verb agreement: 'difficulties' is plural and requires 'have' |
| The are diseases | These are diseases | Incorrect pronoun/article; use 'These' to refer to previously mentioned diseases |
| support movement | supporting movement | Parallel structure error; in the list 'feeding, giving medication and support movement', all items should be gerunds for consistency |
| including them on monthly based salary | including them in a monthly pension scheme | Preposition and phrasing error; 'on' is incorrect, and 'monthly based salary' is not standard English; suggest 'monthly pension scheme' for clarity |
| an can not stand | and cannot stand | Conjunction error; 'an' is misspelled for 'and', and 'can not' should be 'cannot' as one word |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| eye sight | eyesight | Compound word; 'eyesight' is the standard term for the ability to see |
| old aged people | elderly people | More formal and appropriate term; 'old aged' is redundant |
| Old people's home | nursing homes | More precise and formal term for facilities that care for the elderly |
| giving medication | administering medication | More accurate term in a caregiving context |
| basic needs | basic necessities | Slightly more formal and specific |
| first preference | priority | More concise and formal word for giving precedence |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response covers the main points by identifying challenges (e.g., degenerative diseases) and suggesting solutions (e.g., old people's homes, government support). However, it lacks detailed exploration of how these challenges specifically impact communities in rich countries, and solutions are presented without thorough elaboration.
Examples
Challenges mentioned include memory loss, poor eyesight, and mobility issues; solutions include care homes, pensions, and community priority. But these are not deeply linked to the context of affluent societies beyond initial mention of healthcare and shelter.
How to Improve
To improve, provide more specific examples of challenges in rich countries (e.g., strain on pension systems, social isolation) and develop solutions with concrete steps or policies. Expand on how communities are affected, such as increased healthcare costs or family caregiving burdens.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for problems and solutions, and an implied conclusion. However, cohesion is hindered by punctuation errors, awkward transitions, and some run-on sentences, which affect the flow of ideas.
Examples
Missing comma after 'However' in 'However there are'; run-on sentence in 'For example when one suffers memory loss,they easily forget...'. Paragraphing is clear but within paragraphs, ideas could be better connected.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., furthermore, consequently) to connect ideas. Ensure proper punctuation, especially commas after introductory phrases. Break long sentences into shorter, clearer ones to improve readability.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the topic but with several spelling errors and repetition, limiting the range and precision. Some key terms are used appropriately, but errors detract from the overall lexical quality.
Examples
Misspellings: 'degenarative' (degenerative), 'mitifate' (mitigate), 'servive' (service). Repetition of words like 'old people' and 'problems'. Some relevant terms like 'degenerative diseases' and 'wellbeing' are included.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by using synonyms (e.g., 'elderly' instead of 'old people', 'alleviate' instead of 'mitigate'). Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors. Incorporate more topic-specific terms like 'geriatric care' or 'social integration'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar is a weakness, with frequent errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, conjunctions, and sentence structure. While some complex sentences are attempted, inaccuracies are prominent, affecting clarity.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement error: 'difficulties that has' (should be 'have'). Missing articles: 'The are diseases' (should be 'These are diseases'). Conjunction error: 'energetic an can not' (should be 'energetic and cannot'). Incorrect punctuation: 'preparing food ,bathing' (should be 'preparing food, bathing').
How to Improve
Focus on mastering basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practice forming compound and complex sentences with correct connectors. Review punctuation rules to avoid run-on sentences and comma splices.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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