This essay on drug abuse achieved a band score of 5.5 due to superficial development of ideas and coherence issues. The discussion on factors and solutions lacks depth, making it essential to incorporate detailed examples and connectors to improve clarity.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Drugs · 40 min
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic of drug abuse by mentioning factors such as easy access via technology and mental health, and suggests government intervention as a solution. It meets the minimum word count of 250 words (actual: 305). However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial, with limited exploration of factors and solutions. Cohesion is weak due to abrupt transitions and a brief conclusion. Lexical resource is adequate but with inaccuracies, and grammatical errors affect clarity.
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In recent years, drug abuse has become a huge societal concern and requires immediate attention by the government and authorities at large. This is not only dangerous for the ones consuming drugs but also for the people around them. To understand the seriousness of the issue, first and foremost, the root cause of the problem needs to be identified followed by suggesting ways to curb and minimize the damage.
One of the biggest factors contributing to the rise in drug consumption is the easy access to drugs. With the improvements in technology, social media has made the 'how to use drugs' and access very convenient for those who wish to take these. Not only that, but social media has contributed in influencing children and adults both thus encouraging the drug intake. The mental health of individuals also plays a pivotal role in drug consumption as people seek temporary riddance from chronic stress. An increasing numnber of people are becoming addicted to it as drugs give them ease but only for the timebeing, failing to realize that the effects could be detrimental in the long run at the cost of short term convenience and joy. In effect, people consuming drugs are not just causing themselves harm but also at the society at large. Overall, it causes damage to the society as drug abuse results in lower productivity, which means lesser workforce and overall increased dependence on the tax payers.
Government intervention is inevitable without which the issue will become more widespread and will continue to rise. The local authorities should impose a ban on drug consumption and take over control on narcotics from the smaller level. For this, the government should impose bans on the advertising agencies and then put sanctions on the social media. These baby steps would help alleviate the societal issue at large.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| numnber | number |
| timebeing | time being |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| attention by the government | attention from the government | Preposition misuse: 'attention' is typically received 'from' a source, not 'by'. |
| the ones consuming | those consuming | Awkward phrasing: 'those' is more concise and formal than 'the ones'. |
| has contributed in influencing | has contributed to influencing | Preposition after 'contributed' should be 'to', not 'in'. |
| are not just causing themselves harm but also at the society | are not just causing harm to themselves but also to society | Faulty parallelism: The structure 'causing harm to X and to Y' should be parallel. |
| to the society | to society | Article misuse: Do not use 'the' before 'society' when speaking in a general sense. |
| take over control on narcotics | take control of narcotics | Preposition and phrasing: The correct collocation is 'take control of'. |
| put sanctions on the social media | impose sanctions on social media | Verb and article: 'Impose sanctions' is standard collocation; omit 'the' before 'social media' in this general context. |
Vocabulary Improvements
8 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| huge | significant | Informal and vague; 'significant' is more precise and academic. |
| riddance | relief | Incorrect word choice; 'riddance' (removal of something unwanted) is not idiomatic here. 'Relief' is the correct term for easing distress. |
| ease | temporary relief | Vague and informal; 'temporary relief' is more descriptive and formal. |
| lesser | smaller | Incorrect collocation; 'lesser' compares degree, not quantity. Use 'smaller' for a countable noun like 'workforce'. |
| tax payers | taxpayers | Incorrect compound noun; 'taxpayers' is the standard single-word form. |
| take over control | assume control | Wordy and informal; 'assume control' is more concise and formal. |
| baby steps | initial steps | Too informal and colloquial; 'initial steps' is more appropriate for formal writing. |
| at large | Redundant: The phrase 'societal issue' already implies a broad scope; 'at large' is unnecessary repetition. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The response covers both parts of the question (factors and solutions) but lacks depth and thorough development. Ideas are presented but not fully extended or supported with specific examples.
Examples
Factors like easy access to drugs and mental health are mentioned, but not elaborated with detailed examples or evidence. Solutions such as government bans are stated without explaining how they would be implemented or their effectiveness.
How to Improve
Expand on each factor with concrete examples (e.g., specific social media platforms, statistics). Develop solutions by detailing steps, potential challenges, and expected outcomes. Ensure a balanced discussion of both parts of the question.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion, but coherence is affected by poor paragraphing and weak transitions. The flow of ideas is sometimes disjointed.
Examples
The second paragraph jumps from access to drugs to mental health to societal damage without clear links. The conclusion is abrupt and does not effectively summarize the essay. Cohesive devices like 'not only that' are used but inconsistently.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea. Employ linking words (e.g., furthermore, however, consequently) to connect sentences and paragraphs. Ensure the conclusion restates main points and provides a final thought.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is sufficient for the task but lacks range and precision. There are spelling errors and inappropriate word choices that hinder clarity.
Examples
Misspellings: 'numnber' for 'number', 'timebeing' for 'time being'. Inaccurate word choice: 'riddance' (likely meant 'relief' or 'respite'). Repetitive phrases like 'at large'.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'substance abuse', 'rehabilitation', 'prevention programs'). Proofread for spelling errors. Consult dictionaries or thesauruses to improve word choice and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammatical structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complexity but frequent errors that impede understanding. Sentence construction needs improvement.
Examples
Incorrect prepositions: 'attention by the government' should be 'attention from the government'; 'contributing in influencing' should be 'contributing to influencing' or simply 'influencing'. Awkward phrasing: 'take over control on narcotics' should be 'take control of narcotics'.
How to Improve
Practice using complex sentences with clauses (e.g., relative clauses, conditional sentences). Focus on correct preposition use and verb-noun collocations. Review grammar rules and consider using grammar check tools for accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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