This Band 5.5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the complex issue of drug abuse and identifies main contributing factors. However, it struggles with vocabulary and grammatical accuracy, affecting clarity. Understanding these issues can help you enhance your writing for better IELTS results.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Drugs · 40 min
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count (299 words) and addresses the prompt by discussing factors like unemployment, stress, and peer pressure, along with solutions such as education and regulations. However, ideas are not fully developed, and there are issues with vocabulary and grammar that affect clarity. Coherence is maintained but with basic linking devices. Overall, it is a competent response but with noticeable errors.
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Drug abuse can be defined as an excessive use of both illegal and prescribed drugs.Nowadays the excessive use of drugs has become a new trend in our community mostly affecting young ages.These are the peer groups that are mosty affected because they easily succumb to pear pressure.
The first factor that contribute to drug abuse in our communities is the high rate of unemployment.Most people spend much of their time roaming the streets with no work to do as a result they end up being involved in such activities.If one is employed ans spend much of their time at work they will not be exposed to such activities.
In addition stress and lack of counselling can cause one to indulge in excessive drug use.This is because most victims of drug abuse believe that if they use the substances in excess they wont be able feel and pain or stressed .Moreover, they believe that drugs can help them relive their stress.
Furthermore, peer pressure can also contribute to the rise of drus abuse in the community.Most people think that if there is a trend and they are not part of it , they are backwards,hence end up engaging in these activities to avoid being shamed by their friends.Some they succumb to this pressure because of curiosity ,having the edge to want to experience the feeling that comes after using the drugs and they end up being addicted.And this edge is usually impacted by those who are already taking drugs excessively.
However the rate of drug abuse can be reduced through various methods which include, awareness campaigns and introducing drug abuse topics in the school cirriculum as a way of educating them on the effects of these drugs.Introducing regulations that guard against use of drugs could also help solve the problem.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| mosty | mostly |
| pear | peer |
| drus | drug |
| ans | and |
| wont | won't |
| relive | relieve |
| cirriculum | curriculum |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| that contribute | that contributes | Subject-verb agreement: 'factor' is singular, so verb should be 'contributes'. |
| if one is employed and spend | if one is employed and spends | Subject-verb agreement: 'one' is singular, so verb should be 'spends'. |
| they wont be able feel and pain or stressed | they won't be able to feel any pain or stress | Missing infinitive 'to' after 'able', and 'and pain' should be 'any pain' for correct phrasing. |
| Some they succumb | Some succumb | Redundant pronoun 'they'; remove for correct grammar. |
| which include, | which include | Unnecessary comma after 'include'; in lists, no comma immediately after 'include'. |
| However the rate | However, the rate | Missing comma after 'However' when used to start a sentence. |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| young ages | young people | Vague term; 'young ages' refers to time periods, not individuals. Use 'young people' for clarity. |
| such activities | drug abuse | Vague reference; specify 'drug abuse' to improve precision. |
| backwards | behind | Informal; 'behind' is a more formal alternative meaning not up to date. |
| shamed | embarrassed | Informal; 'embarrassed' is more appropriate in academic writing for feeling ashamed. |
| edge | urge | Incorrect word; 'urge' means a strong desire, which fits the context of wanting to experience something. |
| impacted | influenced | 'Impacted' is often misused; 'influenced' is better for describing the effect on someone's actions. |
| guard against use | regulate the use | 'Guard against' is less common in this context; 'regulate' is more precise for rules controlling drug use. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response
6
Evaluation
The essay responds to all parts of the task, presenting factors and solutions. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial, with limited extension or support. For instance, factors are listed but not elaborated with detailed examples or evidence.
Examples
Factors include unemployment, stress, and peer pressure; solutions include awareness campaigns and school curriculum changes. But each point is briefly stated without deeper analysis.
How to Improve
Extend each paragraph with specific examples, statistics, or real-world cases. Explain how each factor directly leads to drug abuse and how proposed solutions would effectively address them. Ensure a balanced discussion between factors and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, cohesion is mechanical due to overuse of basic linking words (e.g., 'The first factor', 'In addition', 'Furthermore'). Some spelling errors disrupt the flow, and paragraph transitions could be smoother.
Examples
Misspellings like 'drus' for 'drugs' and 'pear' for 'peer' affect readability. Sentences such as 'Some they succumb to this pressure because of curiosity' are awkwardly constructed.
How to Improve
Use a wider variety of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'as a result', 'in contrast') to connect ideas more naturally. Proofread for spelling errors and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument.
Lexical Resource
5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive and prone to errors. There are several spelling mistakes and imprecise word choices, which reduce the clarity and sophistication of the essay.
Examples
Incorrect spellings: 'pear pressure' (peer pressure), 'drus' (drugs), 'ans' (and). Awkward phrasing: 'having the edge to want to experience' (meaning 'urge' or 'desire').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms for common terms (e.g., 'contribute' to 'lead to', 'exacerbate'). Use a dictionary or thesaurus to ensure accurate word choice. Practice spelling and proofreading to avoid errors that distract from the message.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, tense inconsistencies, and punctuation issues. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with attempts at complexity that often result in mistakes.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'factor that contribute' should be 'factor that contributes'. Punctuation: missing commas in lists and run-on sentences like 'If one is employed ans spend much of their time at work they will not be exposed' (should be 'If one is employed and spends much of their time at work, they will not be exposed').
How to Improve
Review grammar rules for subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and proper comma usage. Practice writing complex sentences with subordinate clauses, and proofread carefully to correct errors. Consider using grammar check tools to identify common mistakes.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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