This Band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses mental health issues among teenagers due to academic pressure. While it addresses key causes and solutions, it lacks clarity and detail in its arguments, which affects its overall effectiveness. Explore the provided feedback to enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task and provides basic insights into the causes and solutions for the mental health issues among teenagers due to academic pressure. However, the development of ideas is somewhat superficial and there are frequent errors in language use that affect clarity.
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Nowadays, millions of students face serious mental health issues, including anxiety, depression, and burnout due to various reasons, all connecting to one main source - academic pressure. The following essay is going to explicate the causes of mental health problems in students and the solutions to those issues.
Unfortunately, issues like anxiety, depression and an overall burnout is quiet common in the lifes of teenagers. The main cause is academic expectations placed on students by their teachers and parents. Many students are expected to get perfect grades in all subjects, participare in lots of extracuricular activities and prepare for competitive university admissions. As a result, they do not have enough time, facing constant stress and anxiety towards the fear of failure. Moreover, comparisson between them and their classmates can make students feel worse about themselves, increasing insecurity. Therefore, excessive academic demands can powerfully affect students' mental well-being ina negative way.
However, there are multiple solutions that can help the students fight for their mental health. One of the first solutions to think about is to make sure that their physical health is completely fine. Sleep atleast 8 hours/night, eat healthy and excercise three times a week. Another solution is to stop doing exactly what everyone is saying, because the students should know what exactly they have to do, excluding other activities they do unnecessarily. Lastly, the school should decrease the amound of homework and tests they give to the students, giving more time for them to finish other major tasks.
In concusion, there are many causes of mental health issues among teenagers, mainly caused by the academic pressure they face everyday. However, there are also many different solutions towards the problem, such as fucising on the main tasks, reducing the academic pressure by the school, and ensuring a physical well-being.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| quiet | quite |
| lifes | lives |
| participare | participate |
| extracuricular | extracurricular |
| comparisson | comparison |
| ina | in a |
| atleast | at least |
| excercise | exercise |
| amound | amount |
| concusion | conclusion |
| fucising | focusing |
Grammatical Mistakes
1 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| and an overall burnout is | and an overall burnout are | Subject-verb agreement: 'issues' is plural and requires 'are' |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the task and attempts to identify causes and solutions for mental health issues caused by academic pressure. However, the discussion lacks depth and detail, with only general solutions mentioned.
Examples
The essay mentions the need to reduce academic pressure and to ensure students' physical health, but details are not fully developed.
How to Improve
To improve task response, provide more detailed examples and explanations of the causes and more concrete solutions. Elaborate on how each solution could be effectively implemented.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay presents a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but lacks clear transitions between ideas.
Examples
Ideas are presented but connections between sentences and paragraphs are weak, resulting in a lack of smooth reading.
How to Improve
Use clear transitional phrases and ensure that each paragraph logically follows from the last to improve flow and connections between ideas.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary used is adequate but limited and there are some spelling errors which affect comprehension.
Examples
Words like 'lifestyles', 'participare', 'comparisson', 'atleast', and 'amound' are misspelled.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary usage by incorporating more precise and varied language. Pay attention to word forms and spelling through proofreading.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There is a basic range of grammatical structures, but frequent errors affect the understanding of the essay.
Examples
Errors such as 'ina' instead of 'in a', 'fucising' instead of 'focusing', and subject-verb agreement issues are present.
How to Improve
Increase grammatical accuracy by practicing correct sentence structures and agreement. Proofread writing to catch and correct errors more effectively.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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