This band 5.5 IELTS essay discusses the causes and solutions to student behaviour issues in schools. Though it covers relevant points, it suffers from coherence and vocabulary concerns, preventing a deeper exploration of the topic. Understanding these feedback points can significantly enhance your writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Student Behaviour · 40 min
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic and meets the word count (251 words). However, it lacks depth in development, has coherence issues, uses limited vocabulary with some inaccuracies, and contains grammatical errors. Overall, it demonstrates a moderate level of English proficiency.
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Many schools around the world suffer from variable behaviour of their students. Different schools even provide the students with mental health care because of this issue.
The students are young due to which they might have very sensitive temperament causing their behavior to change with time. There are many causes of this. For instance, online games, movies that need parental guidance, less physical activities, societal pressure regarding studies, unhealthy diet etc. Other than the above mentioned reasons, parents also play a vital role that causes serious issues in student behaviour. For example, if parents are irresponsible about their child's growth and does not provide him with basic facilities such as clothes, food and shelter, or they fail to teach their child basic manners such as teaching him on how to behave in public.
The solutions to the abovementioned problems are rather simple. First of all the parents shall take good care of their child's healh, both, physical and mental. After that, the schools shall take initiative of introducing different awareness programs teaching the professors on how to handle students with behavioural issues. The government shall also take a stance on this issue by providing the general public with good educational institutes along with sports complexes so that children can be simultaneously become intelligent and physically strong.
Concluding the above discussion, it is clear that student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world but this problem can be solved taking effective measures for the betterment of the society.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| healh | health |
Grammatical Mistakes
4 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| and does not provide him | and do not provide him | Subject-verb agreement: 'parents' is plural and requires 'do' instead of 'does'. |
| take initiative of introducing | take the initiative to introduce | Preposition error: 'initiative' is typically followed by 'to' with the infinitive or 'in' with the gerund, not 'of'. |
| can be simultaneously become | can simultaneously become | Verb redundancy: 'be' and 'become' are both used; 'become' is sufficient to convey the meaning. |
| solved taking effective measures | solved by taking effective measures | Missing preposition: 'by' is needed to indicate the means of solving. |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| variable behaviour | problematic behaviour | Vague term; 'problematic' is more precise in describing issues with student conduct. |
| etc. | among others | Informal in academic writing; 'among others' is a more formal alternative to list examples. |
| basic facilities | basic necessities | Wrong collocation; 'facilities' often refers to services or buildings, while 'necessities' is more appropriate for essential items like food and shelter. |
| rather simple | relatively simple | 'Rather' can be informal; 'relatively' is more academic and suitable for formal writing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
Partially addresses the task by presenting causes and solutions, but ideas are not fully extended or supported. The response remains relevant but lacks detailed elaboration.
Examples
Lists causes such as online games, parental irresponsibility, and societal pressure, but does not explain how these specifically lead to behavioral issues. Solutions are mentioned briefly without concrete examples.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, explain how online games affect behavior, or detail what awareness programs in schools should include. Ensure each idea is fully explored to meet the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
Has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the flow is disjointed. Paragraphs are not well-linked, and transitions are minimal.
Examples
The first paragraph introduces mental health care but abruptly shifts to causes. The solution paragraph lists points without clear connections. The conclusion is very brief and repetitive.
How to Improve
Use linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'Therefore,' 'In addition') to improve cohesion. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and logically progresses from one idea to the next. Consider restructuring paragraphs for better flow.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Uses a limited range of vocabulary with some inaccuracies and repetition. Words are sometimes awkward or imprecise.
Examples
'Variable behaviour' is an unusual phrase; 'problematic behavior' or 'disciplinary issues' would be more appropriate. Misspelling 'healh' for 'health'. Phrases like 'sensitive temperament' are acceptable but not sophisticated.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-specific words (e.g., 'disciplinary problems,' 'interventions,' 'counseling'). Practice spelling and use a dictionary to ensure accuracy. Aim for more precise and varied expressions.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Uses mostly simple sentence structures with several grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement and awkward phrasing. Limited range of complex structures.
Examples
Error in subject-verb agreement: 'parents are irresponsible... and does not provide' should be 'do not provide'. Awkward construction: 'due to which they might have very sensitive temperament' could be 'because they are young, they might have a sensitive temperament'. 'simultaneously become intelligent' is slightly off.
How to Improve
Review subject-verb agreement rules. Practice forming complex sentences using clauses and connectors. Proofread to correct errors and improve sentence fluency. Consider using grammar exercises to enhance accuracy.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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