This Band 5 IELTS essay addresses the serious issue of academic pressure affecting teenagers' mental health. While it aims to discuss causes and solutions, it suffers from clarity and relevance problems. The development of ideas is limited, making it crucial for students to recognize how deepening their responses can enhance their scores.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay attempts to address the causes and solutions of academic pressure on teenagers' mental health, but development is limited and the response is only partially effective. The word count (308) meets the minimum requirement, but the essay contains frequent errors in spelling, grammar, and vocabulary that impede clarity. The ideas are underdeveloped and often repetitive, with a weak overall structure.
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Nowdays,their is a serious problem for the teenagers,Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development,In my own oionion thats problems increased in the lasts years therefore we should find a solutiin for it.
firstly,that problem may affect teenagers confident and there personality,so i think one of the useful soultions its to decline the pressure in the academic materials and adding to the education program events outside the system,because this events could help teenagers feel good and give them relaxing feeling in academic days.
Their is a lot of activities that teenagers can done and will support there feelings and declines the anxiety and pressure,such as nights events,calls a rap singer and gather teenagers together that will support there emotions and motivates the confidence for them,In addition they will meet freinds and make some chat.
Moreover they can add small event gatherin teenagers with professors and make small game includes some material,and that also will help support passing material in enjoyable way.
secondly,in my opinion in academic system,in every chapter there is a period for exams,and that will be so hard to pass many exams in short period,therefore universities and colleges should seperates the test in long-period in the chapter,for example after every material making his exam,that will be easier than making exams seqences will be complex for teenagers,to full focus in all the material in short-period,furthermore they most be in relationship,it will pressurly for them,In contrast when making test a long-period and every two weeks passes a test,it will easier for them and support there mental health and preventinf dieases.
To conclude,in my opionon its a serious problem that we should deal with it before it getting wosre,and solutions now in our hand,after period most be difficult to find solutions for huge dieases.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
15 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| Nowdays | Nowadays |
| oionion | opinion |
| thats | that's |
| solutiin | solution |
| soultions | solutions |
| gatherin | gathering |
| freinds | friends |
| seperates | separates |
| seqences | sequences |
| pressurly | pressuring |
| preventinf | preventing |
| dieases | diseases |
| lasts | last |
| wosre | worse |
| opionon | opinion |
Grammatical Mistakes
17 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| their is a serious problem | there is a serious problem | Misuse of possessive pronoun 'their' instead of existential 'there' |
| for the teenagers | for teenagers | Unnecessary definite article 'the' before plural generic noun |
| thats problems increased in the lasts years | that problem has increased in the last few years | Subject-verb agreement and incorrect noun form; 'thats' is a misspelling and should be 'that problem has' |
| affect teenagers confident | affect teenagers' confidence | Missing possessive apostrophe and incorrect adjective 'confident' instead of noun 'confidence' |
| there personality | their personality | Confusion between possessive 'their' and location 'there' |
| one of the useful soultions its to decline | one of the useful solutions is to reduce | Incorrect verb form 'its' (possessive) and 'decline' (intransitive); corrected with 'is' and 'reduce' |
| because this events | because these events | Plural noun 'events' requires plural demonstrative 'these' |
| Their is a lot of activities that teenagers can done | There are a lot of activities that teenagers can do | Subject-verb agreement: 'activities' is plural, so 'are'; 'can' requires base verb 'do' not past participle 'done' |
| will support there feelings and declines the anxiety | will support their feelings and decrease the anxiety | Possessive 'there' -> 'their'; verb 'declines' should be base form 'decrease' for parallel structure |
| calls a rap singer and gather teenagers together | calling a rap singer and gathering teenagers together | Inconsistent verb forms; should be gerunds to match previous structure |
| motivates the confidence for them | motivate their confidence | Subject-verb agreement: plural subject 'activities' requires 'motivate'; preposition 'for' is unnecessary |
| they can add small event gatherin teenagers | they can add small events gathering teenagers | Plural noun 'events' and correct spelling of 'gathering' |
| make small game includes some material | make small games that include some material | Plural 'games', relative pronoun 'that', and subject-verb agreement 'include' |
| it will pressurly for them | it will be pressuring for them | Missing verb 'be' and incorrect word 'pressurly' |
| every two weeks passes a test | a test every two weeks | Incorrect word order; the frequency phrase should follow the noun |
| before it getting wosre | before it gets worse | Incorrect verb form after 'before'; should be present tense 'gets' |
| after period most be difficult | after a period it may be difficult | Missing article 'a' and incorrect word 'most' meaning 'must'; better 'may' for probability |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| decline the pressure | reduce the pressure | 'Decline' is intransitive or used for refusal; 'reduce' is the correct transitive verb for lowering pressure |
| relaxing feeling | sense of relaxation | 'Relaxing feeling' is informal; a more academic phrase is 'sense of relaxation' |
| nights events | evening events | 'Nights events' is not idiomatic; 'evening events' is standard |
| make some chat | have conversations | 'Make some chat' is informal and non-standard; 'have conversations' is appropriate |
| passing material | mastering the material | 'Passing material' is vague; 'mastering' implies deeper understanding |
| full focus | fully focus | Adjective 'full' used instead of adverb 'fully' to modify verb 'focus' |
| huge dieases | serious diseases | 'Huge' is informal for severity; 'serious' is more appropriate in academic context |
| in our hand | within our reach | Idiom 'in our hands' is slightly off; 'within our reach' is clearer and more formal |
| confident (as noun) | confidence | 'Confident' is an adjective; noun form 'confidence' is needed |
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt by mentioning some causes (e.g., exams in short periods) and solutions (e.g., reducing pressure, adding events, spacing out tests). However, the response lacks depth and clarity; many points are vague or irrelevant (e.g., rap singer events). The position is unclear, and the conclusion merely restates the problem without a strong summary of solutions.
Examples
The essay states 'In my own opinion thats problems increased in the lasts years' and suggests 'decline the pressure in the academic materials' but does not explain how. It also proposes 'nights events, calls a rap singer' without linking to the stated causes or mental health issues.
How to Improve
Fully address both parts of the question (causes and solutions) with specific, well-developed ideas. Use the introduction to outline the main points, and ensure each paragraph focuses on one clear cause or solution with supporting details and examples. Avoid irrelevant suggestions and maintain a clear stance throughout.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with separate paragraphs ('firstly', 'secondly', 'To conclude'), but ideas do not flow logically. There are abrupt shifts between topics, and cohesive devices are minimal or used incorrectly (e.g., 'In addition', 'Moreover', 'furthermore' are overused without linking to previous sentences). The second paragraph mixes causes and solutions without clear progression.
Examples
The first paragraph jumps from 'affect teenagers confident' to 'one of the useful soultions its to decline the pressure' without a transition. The second paragraph introduces 'nights events' and then 'small event gatherin teenagers with professors', but the connection between them is unclear.
How to Improve
Plan an outline before writing: dedicate one paragraph to causes and one or two to solutions. Use a range of linking words (e.g., 'This is because...', 'As a result...', 'To address this...') to connect sentences and paragraphs. Ensure each sentence flows naturally from the previous one, and avoid jumping between unrelated ideas.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is very limited and repetitive, with frequent spelling errors (e.g., 'Nowdays', 'their', 'oionion', 'soultions', 'seperates', 'preventinf', 'dieases'). The essay relies on basic words like 'problem', 'teenagers', 'exams', 'pressure', and lacks academic or topic-specific terms. There is no attempt to paraphrase the question or use synonyms, and collocations are often incorrect (e.g., 'support there emotions', 'motivates the confidence').
Examples
The phrase 'calls a rap singer and gather teenagers together' is unclear and unidiomatic. 'In enjoyable way' should be 'in an enjoyable way'. The word 'dieases' is an incorrect spelling of 'diseases' and is misused (should be 'issues' or 'problems').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms related to mental health and education (e.g., 'anxiety', 'distress', 'curriculum', 'scheduling'). Practice spelling common words correctly. Use a dictionary to check collocations (e.g., 'boost confidence', 'reduce pressure'). Avoid repetition by paraphrasing the question in the introduction and using varied expressions throughout.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that often obscure meaning. These include incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., 'that problem may affect teenagers confident'), missing articles (e.g., 'in academic system'), incorrect word order, and run-on sentences. The sentence structures are mostly simple and repetitive, with little use of complex forms. Punctuation is often missing or incorrect.
Examples
'In every chapter there is a period for exams, and that will be so hard to pass many exams in short period' is a run-on sentence with missing articles. 'When making test a long-period and every two weeks passes a test, it will easier for them' has wrong verb forms ('will easier' should be 'will be easier') and incomplete structure. 'Preventinf dieases' is a misspelling and incorrect gerund form.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules: subject-verb agreement, articles (a/an/the), prepositions, and verb tenses. Practice writing complex sentences using connectors like 'although', 'because', 'which', and 'that'. Proofread for common errors (e.g., 'their/there/they're', 'its/it's'). Use shorter, clearer sentences to avoid losing control of grammar. Consider studying conditional structures and relative clauses to add variety.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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