This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the impact of academic pressure on mental health. While it identifies some causes and solutions, coherence and grammar errors hinder clarity, making it challenging to follow the argument. Here, we provide valuable feedback to enhance your writing and improve your IELTS score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic of academic pressure causing mental health issues and attempts to discuss causes and solutions. However, the development is limited, examples are not fully relevant, and there are frequent errors in grammar, vocabulary, and cohesion. The word count of 309 meets the minimum requirement.
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There is a growing trend where adolescents feel depressed, anxiety because of academic pressure, and this can lead to worse students' health" title="Correction: anxiety because of academic pressure, and this can lead to worse students' health">anxiety because of academic pressure and this can leads to worse student's health. While this can be largely attributed to high demand and strict regulations, however I believe that the issue can be tackled by practical solutions.
One compelling for this issue is unrealistic expectations. Since tutors require research, critical analysis, carry out research professionally" title="Correction: students cannot meet deadlines to carry out research professionally">students cannot meet dedline to carry out reseach professionally. The direct results of this are not confined to burnout, but also a low grades and status. This is exemplified by China's universities, where mentors give practical and thereotical assignments, as a result, learners face challenges to manage their time effectively. Another reason is setting punishment. When students cannot do assignment, they are warned and punished by tutors, thereby reducing mental and physical well-being. A prime example is India, where students even punish or dismiss due to some mistakes, and this is associated with unliteracy young generations.
To address the growing issue, it is imperative for universities and schools to take decisive action by promoting their achievements. By supporting individuals to correct their mistakes and reward, students is likely to set ambitious goals and improve their knowledge without any pressure. Consequently, not only cure their fearness, but also improve their fitness level. In some cases, it encourages them to engage in outdoor activities and socialize with their friends. Taking a break is vital in mitigating the consequences. If universities set short-term holidays or go abroad, entertainment spots together, it helps students reduce anxiety and boost their moods. As a result, this activities improve their performance and concentration during the rest of their study days. Take American students as an example. They usually travel to European nations such as France, Italy in spring season. This not only take minds off study, but also enables them learn other cultures, lifestyles and traditions.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| anxiety | anxieties |
| leads | lead |
| dedline | deadline |
| reseach | research |
| thereotical | theoretical |
| unliteracy | illiteracy |
| fearness | fear |
| this activities | these activities |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| anxiety because of academic pressure and this can leads to worse student's health | anxiety because of academic pressure, and this can lead to worse students' health | Subject-verb agreement and possessive correction: 'students' health' should be plural possessive, and 'can lead' aligns with singular subject 'this'. |
| While this can be largely attributed to high demand and strict regulations, however I believe | While this can be largely attributed to high demand and strict regulations, I believe | Redundant use of 'while' and 'however' together; only one is needed. |
| students cannot meet dedline to carry out reseach professionally | students cannot meet deadlines to carry out research professionally | Pluralization of 'deadline' and correction of spelling errors. |
| not confined to burnout, but also a low grades and status | not confined to burnout, but also low grades and status | Article misuse: 'a' is unnecessary before 'low grades'. |
| students even punish or dismiss due to some mistakes | students are even punished or dismissed due to some mistakes | Passive voice correction: 'punish' should be 'are punished'. |
| students is likely to set ambitious goals | students are likely to set ambitious goals | Subject-verb agreement: 'students' is plural and requires 'are'. |
| this activities improve their performance | these activities improve their performance | Demonstrative pronoun correction: 'this' should be 'these' for plural 'activities'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| worse student's health | poor student health | Improved phrasing: 'poor' is more precise and appropriate than 'worse'. |
| carry out research professionally | conduct research effectively | Improved collocation: 'conduct research' is more academically appropriate. |
| cure their fearness | alleviate their fears | Improved phrasing: 'alleviate' is more precise and academic than 'cure'. |
| boost their moods | enhance their emotional well-being | Improved phrasing: 'enhance emotional well-being' is more formal and precise. |
| take minds off study | provide a mental break from academic stress | Improved phrasing: 'provide a mental break' is more formal and descriptive. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay identifies some causes (unrealistic expectations, punishment) and solutions (promoting achievements, taking breaks), but the ideas are not well-explained or consistently relevant. Examples from China, India, and the US are mentioned but lack depth and sometimes stray from the main issue.
Examples
The statement 'China's universities, where mentors give practical and theoretical assignments' is vague and does not clearly link to anxiety or depression. The suggestion that American students travel to Europe to reduce anxiety is only partially relevant.
How to Improve
Focus on clearly explaining each cause and solution with specific, well-developed examples. Ensure every point directly relates to the mental health consequences of academic pressure. Avoid tangential ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, two cause paragraphs, and one solution paragraph. However, transitions are weak (e.g., 'One compelling for this issue', 'Another reason'), and ideas within paragraphs are not logically connected. There is some attempt at using cohesive devices, but errors disrupt flow.
Examples
The phrase 'As a result, this activities improve their performance' shows poor reference ('this' should be 'these', and the link to the previous sentence is unclear). The paragraph on solutions jumps from promoting achievements to taking breaks without a clear link.
How to Improve
Use clear topic sentences and logical connectors (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'Consequently'). Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and links sentences smoothly. Practice paragraphing with coherent progression.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
The vocabulary range is limited and contains frequent errors and inappropriate word choices. Some attempts at academic language (e.g., 'unrealistic expectations', 'mitigating the consequences') are overshadowed by mistakes like 'dedline', 'fearness', 'unliteracy', and 'thereotical'.
Examples
'leads to worse student's health' should be 'leads to worse student health' or 'deteriorates students' health'. 'cannot meet dedline' is misspelled. 'punish or dismiss due to some mistakes' is awkward. 'boost their moods' is acceptable but informal.
How to Improve
Expand your academic vocabulary by reading sample IELTS essays. Practice using synonyms and correct collocations (e.g., 'meet deadlines', 'impose punishments', 'reduce burnout'). Proofread for spelling and word form errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are numerous grammatical errors throughout the essay, including subject-verb agreement, article usage, noun-pronoun agreement, and sentence fragments. Complex sentences are attempted but often incorrectly structured, affecting clarity.
Examples
'students is likely' should be 'students are likely'. 'this can leads' should be 'this can lead'. 'One compelling for this issue' is missing a noun (e.g., 'One compelling reason'). 'not only cure their fearness, but also improve their fitness level' lacks parallel structure and correct verb forms.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and articles. Practice writing simple, accurate sentences before combining them. Have your work checked for common errors and focus on one structure at a time.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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