This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the issue of academic pressure among teenagers, highlighting key causes and solutions. However, it struggles with coherence and clarity, limiting the depth of the arguments presented. By addressing these feedback points, students can enhance their writing skills and achieve better scores.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions of academic pressure among teenagers, but it is under the minimum word count of 250 (actual: 233). This limits the development of ideas and negatively impacts Task Response. The response is generally on topic but lacks depth and specific examples. Coherence is basic, lexical errors and limited range reduce clarity, and grammatical errors are frequent. Overall, the essay meets the criteria for a Band 5.0.
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Academic pressure is serious issue for teenagers and often leads to anxiety, depression and burnout. This essay will discuss the main causes of this problem and suggest possible solutions.
One major cause of academic pressure is the highest expectation from teenagers parents and teachers. Many parents thought that students should take the highest grades from every subject. And another reason for that can be competiton. Because many teenagers compare themselves with their classmates and other class's students. When they compare, they feel stress and depression. In addition, they have further homework and exam, it may damage students mental and physical physology and also they can not relax and have a rest enough. During studying time, it will demand much power and energy.
Several solution can help to reduce this problem. First, schools should limit the amount of homework and create less exams. This can allow students to have enough relax and entertainment. Secondly, their parents should understand that grades will not lead to successfull achievements. Only they should suppport them it will be enough to teenager to take good achievements from every field. Then, schools should provide physologists to give advise for stressed students.
In conclusion, academic pressure comes from competition, expectations and a lot of homework and exams. If we want to decrease academic presseure, we shouold support teenagers all time. As a result academic depression will not occur among the students.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
7 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| competiton | competition |
| physology | physiology |
| presseure | pressure |
| shouold | should |
| successfull | successful |
| physologists | psychologists |
| advise | advice |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Academic pressure is serious issue | Academic pressure is a serious issue | Missing article 'a' before 'serious issue' |
| the highest expectation from teenagers parents and teachers | high expectations from teenagers' parents and teachers | Use plural 'expectations' and possessive 'teenagers''; remove definite article 'the' as it is not a unique entity |
| Because many teenagers compare themselves with their classmates and other class's students. | This is because many teenagers compare themselves with their classmates and students from other classes. | Sentence fragment starting with 'Because'; corrected to a complete sentence and fixed possessive 'other class's' to 'other classes' |
| they have further homework and exam, it may damage students mental and physical physology and also they can not relax and have a rest enough | they have further homework and exams, which may damage students' mental and physical physiology and also prevent them from relaxing and having enough rest | Run-on sentence; fixed plural 'exams', added possessive 'students'', corrected 'have a rest enough' to 'having enough rest' |
| Several solution can help | Several solutions can help | Subject-verb agreement: 'solutions' should be plural |
| create less exams | create fewer exams | Use 'fewer' for countable nouns (exams) instead of 'less' |
| to have enough relax and entertainment | to have enough relaxation and entertainment | 'Relax' is a verb; the noun form 'relaxation' is needed here |
| Only they should suppport them it will be enough to teenager to take good achievements | They should only support them, and that will be enough for teenagers to achieve good results | Missing conjunction, incorrect pronoun 'it', singular 'teenager', and informal 'take good achievements'; restructured for clarity |
| to give advise for stressed students | to give advice to stressed students | 'Advise' is a verb; 'advice' is the noun needed here. Use 'to' instead of 'for' |
| we shouold support teenagers all time | we should support teenagers all the time | Missing article 'the' before 'time' |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| highest expectation | high expectations | Superlative 'highest' is too extreme; 'high' or 'unrealistic' is more appropriate in academic context |
| take the highest grades | achieve top grades | 'Take' is informal; 'achieve' or 'get' is more precise for academic performance |
| have a rest enough | have enough rest | Word order and collocation; 'enough rest' is the standard phrase |
| demand much power and energy | require significant effort | 'Power and energy' is vague; 'effort' is more precise for studying. 'Much' is informal; 'significant' is academic |
| successfull achievements | academic success | Redundant phrase; 'successful achievements' is tautological. 'Academic success' is clearer and more concise |
| take good achievements | achieve good results | Informal and vague; 'achieve results' is standard in academic writing |
| academic depression | academic stress or depression due to academic pressure | 'Academic depression' is not a standard term; clarify the cause or use 'stress' |
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Task Response
5
Evaluation
The essay attempts to cover both causes and solutions as required, but it is 17 words short of the 250-word minimum, which restricts the depth of argument. Causes are mentioned (high expectations, competition, excessive homework) and solutions (limit homework, parental support, school psychologists), but they are underdeveloped and lack specific examples or elaboration. The response is generally relevant but not fully extended.
Examples
The cause 'highest expectation from teenagers parents and teachers' is stated but not explained. The solution 'schools should provide physologists' is vague and misspelled.
How to Improve
Ensure the essay meets the word count (250 words minimum) by adding more detailed explanations and examples. For each cause, provide a concrete scenario or evidence. For solutions, elaborate on how they would be implemented and their potential impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, cohesion is weak due to limited use of linking words and abrupt transitions between ideas. Paragraphs are not clearly divided (the second paragraph mixes causes and solutions). Ideas are often listed without logical flow.
Examples
The phrase 'And another reason for that can be competiton' is poorly linked. The second paragraph jumps from causes to solutions without a clear transition. The conclusion is short and repetitive.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'firstly', 'in addition', 'as a result', 'on the other hand') to connect sentences and paragraphs. Organize ideas more clearly: dedicate one paragraph to causes and another to solutions, with topic sentences for each. Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea.
Lexical Resource
4.5
Evaluation
The vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with several spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. The range of words is limited, and attempts at more advanced terms (e.g., 'physology' for 'physiology') are often incorrect. This reduces clarity and precision.
Examples
Errors include 'highest expectation' (should be 'high expectations'), 'competiton' (competition), 'successfull achievements' (successful achievements), 'physologists' (psychologists), 'presseure' (pressure). The word 'teenagers' is misspelled as 'teanagers' in one instance.
How to Improve
Study topic-specific vocabulary related to education and mental health (e.g., 'curriculum overload', 'peer pressure', 'counselling services'). Proofread for spelling errors. Use a thesaurus to vary word choices (e.g., instead of 'support', try 'encourage', 'motivate', 'assist').
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
4.5
Evaluation
The essay relies on simple sentence structures and contains frequent grammatical errors. Tenses are inconsistent, articles are often missing or misused, and subject-verb agreement errors occur. This makes the essay difficult to follow at times.
Examples
Examples: 'Many parents thought that students should take the highest grades' (tense shift – 'think' would be better). 'it may damage students mental and physical physology' (missing apostrophe and incorrect word). 'Only they should suppport them it will be enough' (run-on sentence, missing punctuation). 'shouold' and 'teanagers' are spelling errors that also affect grammar.
How to Improve
Practice writing complex sentences using subordinators (e.g., 'although', 'because', 'which'). Review basic grammar rules: verb tenses, article usage, and subject-verb agreement. After writing, check for common errors and correct them. Use shorter, clear sentences if unsure about complex structures.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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