This Band 5 essay explores the issue of academic pressure and its effects on teenagers' mental health, including anxiety and burnout. While it identifies key causes and potential solutions, it requires deeper development of ideas and improved clarity. Learn how to enhance your responses with specific examples and better organization.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions for academic pressure affecting teenagers' mental health, meeting the minimum word count of 255 words. However, the response lacks depth in development, with ideas presented simplistically and repetitively. Cohesion is basic, vocabulary is limited and sometimes inaccurate, and grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity.
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Academic pressure has many serious effects upon students mental health and well- being. This can cause many mental problems, such as anxiety, depression, and burnout.
There are numerous causes of academic pressure. But it also has some solutions.
There are some causes of academic pressure. Among them, high expectations from students lead it. Parents have many expectations from their children. They want their children to perform well in exams and in school. this can lead to pressure and which letter can cause anxiety and depression. secondly, teachers gives heavy workload to students. When students can not perform well teacher gives them punishment. Heavy workload makes students burn out. Lastly, the most important thing is the fear of failure. when student has a fear, that he or she might not pass the exam, this can lead to anxiety and depression.
Besides all this, there are some solutions that can be taken to lessen mental issues and pressure. First of all, parents and teachers should support their child. This helps students to cope with this pressure. Time management and proper planning is another solution. Every student should manage their time during exams. This can help students to cope with depression and anxiety. Teachers should console students and give proper breaks and time for relaxation.
To wrap up this, if we follow these solutions, then it will be easy to improve our mental health. In conclusion, academic pressure can affect the mental health of every student, which can lead to anxiety and depression, so we should support students.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
2 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| well- being | well-being |
| letter | later |
Grammatical Mistakes
7 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| students mental health | students' mental health | Possessive form needed for plural nouns |
| this can lead to | This can lead to | Capitalization error at the start of a sentence |
| teachers gives | teachers give | Subject-verb agreement: 'teachers' is plural and requires 'give' |
| When students can not perform well teacher gives them punishment. | When students cannot perform well, teachers give them punishment. | Missing comma and subject-verb agreement |
| when student has a fear, that he or she might not pass the exam | When a student has a fear that he or she might not pass the exam | Article misuse ('a student' needed) and unnecessary comma |
| their child | their children | Pronoun-antecedent agreement: 'students' is plural, so 'children' should be plural |
| Time management and proper planning is | Time management and proper planning are | Subject-verb agreement: compound subject requires plural verb 'are' |
Vocabulary Improvements
11 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| upon | on | 'Upon' is formal and less common; 'on' is preferred for 'effects on' in modern academic writing |
| mental problems | mental health issues | Vague; 'mental health issues' is more specific and appropriate |
| But | However | Too informal for academic writing; 'However' is more suitable |
| lead it | are a primary cause | Incorrect phrasing; 'lead it' is not standard; use 'are a primary cause' for clarity |
| gives heavy workload | assigns a heavy workload | 'Gives' is informal; 'assigns' is more academic and precise |
| burn out | burnout | Incorrect collocation; 'burnout' is the standard noun for mental exhaustion |
| the most important thing | a significant factor | Too informal for academic writing; 'a significant factor' is more objective |
| Besides all this | Furthermore | Too informal; 'Furthermore' is better for academic transitions |
| lessen | alleviate | 'Lessen' is somewhat informal; 'alleviate' is more precise and academic |
| First of all | Firstly | Too informal for academic writing; 'Firstly' is more appropriate |
| To wrap up this | In summary | Too informal; 'In summary' is standard for conclusions in academic writing |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay partially fulfills the task by identifying causes (e.g., parental expectations, heavy workload, fear of failure) and solutions (e.g., support, time management, breaks). However, ideas are not fully extended or supported with detailed examples or explanation, leading to a superficial treatment of the topic.
Examples
Causes are listed without elaboration: 'Parents have many expectations from their children' is stated but not explored in depth. Solutions like 'Time management and proper planning' are mentioned but not linked specifically to reducing mental health issues.
How to Improve
Develop each cause and solution with specific examples and consequences. For instance, explain how parental expectations translate into pressure, or provide strategies for effective time management. Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly with relevant details.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but paragraphing is inconsistent and linking devices are weak. The flow of ideas is sometimes choppy, and transitions are simplistic.
Examples
The introduction is fragmented: 'Academic pressure has many serious effects...' is separate from the next sentence. Transitions like 'Besides all this' and 'To wrap up this' are used but do not smoothly connect ideas. Paragraph breaks are not always logical.
How to Improve
Organize paragraphs around single main ideas (e.g., one paragraph for causes, one for solutions). Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' 'As a result') to improve flow. Ensure topic sentences clearly introduce each paragraph's focus.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with errors in word choice and limited range. Key terms like 'pressure,' 'anxiety,' and 'depression' are overused, and some words are misused, reducing precision.
Examples
Incorrect word choice: 'which letter can cause anxiety' (likely meant 'later'). 'Console' is used where 'counsel' or 'support' might be more appropriate. Repetition: 'academic pressure' and 'mental health' are frequently repeated without variation.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and more precise terms (e.g., 'excessive demands' instead of 'heavy workload,' 'psychological distress' instead of 'mental problems'). Use a thesaurus cautiously and practice incorporating new words in context to improve accuracy.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement, article omission, and punctuation mistakes. Sentence structures are predominantly simple, with limited complexity, affecting clarity and range.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'teachers gives' should be 'teachers give.' Article omission: 'when student has' should be 'when a student has.' Punctuation: 'this can lead to pressure' should start with 'This' after a full stop. Awkward phrasing: 'which letter can cause anxiety.'
How to Improve
Review grammar rules, especially for articles, verb tenses, and subject-verb agreement. Practice writing compound and complex sentences (e.g., using relative clauses or conditional structures). Proofread carefully to correct errors and improve sentence fluency.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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