This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses academic pressure and its impact on mental health. While it identifies causes and solutions, the response lacks depth and clarity, with insufficient development of ideas and some grammatical errors. Understanding these weaknesses can help improve your writing skills and achieve a higher band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes and solutions for academic pressure and mental health issues, meeting the word count of 296 words. However, the response lacks depth in development, with basic ideas and insufficient elaboration. Issues with vocabulary, grammar, and coherence affect clarity and sophistication, resulting in an overall Band 5 performance.
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In these moderen days academic is very important for our future, enabling us to get into collage so we are able to get jobs to get money and live our lives, but recently acemics has been getting more and more competetive in the recent years. This competition with other students creats pressure for the student, making them think that they have to perform better than other people.
Academic pressure is a problem among students these days and they are very big problems that are affecting them and is not being taken care of enough. Academic pressure roots from multiple reasons, examples are the pressure of wanting to perform better than other students making them to overwork themselves, the weight of wanting to get in to a prestigeous universities, the weight of expectation from their parents or themselves of getting perfect scores in their tests, and so much more. These situations are causing the students to experience the academic pressure causing mental health issues like anxiety, depression and burnouts from all the pressure and expectations they are trying to meet, wether its from themselves or from other people.
There is no way to prevent academic pressure because it is an inevitable thing to experience as a student, but there are ways to reduce the stress experienced by them. One of the ways is to create a scheadule for themselves, plan out their activities for the day so they know what to expect what to do for the day and not get too stressed about what to do. Another way is to stop having too high of an expectations, students are able to have expectations and set a bar, but they have to know their own limits, setting a bar too high would just cause even more stress.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| moderen | modern |
| collage | college |
| acemics | academics |
| competetive | competitive |
| creats | creates |
| prestigeous | prestigious |
| wether | whether |
| scheadule | schedule |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| academic is | academics are | Subject-verb agreement: 'academics' is plural and requires 'are' |
| acemics has been | academics have been | Subject-verb agreement: 'academics' is plural and requires 'have' |
| in the recent years | in recent years | Article misuse: 'the' is unnecessary here |
| they are very big problems | it is a very big problem | Pronoun-antecedent agreement: 'academic pressure' is singular, so use 'it' and 'problem' |
| roots from | stems from | Verb choice: 'stems from' is more appropriate than 'roots from' |
| making them to overwork | making them overwork | Infinitive error: after 'making', use base form of verb without 'to' |
| get in to a prestigeous universities | get into prestigious universities | Preposition and article error: 'into' is correct, and 'a' should not be used with plural 'universities' |
| expectation from their parents | expectations from their parents | Noun number: 'expectations' should be plural to match multiple sources |
| wether its from | whether it's from | Spelling and contraction: 'whether' is correct, and 'it's' is the contraction for 'it is' |
| what to expect what to do | what to expect and what to do | Parallel structure: use 'and' to connect two phrases |
| too high of an expectations | expectations that are too high | Phrasing error: 'too high of an' is incorrect; use 'expectations that are too high' |
Vocabulary Improvements
9 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| get into collage | gain admission to college | Informal phrase; 'gain admission to college' is more formal and precise |
| get jobs | secure employment | Informal; 'secure employment' is more academic |
| get money | earn a living | Informal and vague; 'earn a living' is more appropriate |
| very big problems | significant issues | Vague; 'significant issues' is more precise |
| taken care of enough | adequately addressed | Informal phrasal verb; 'adequately addressed' is more formal |
| so much more | among other reasons | Informal; 'among other reasons' is more academic |
| burnouts | burnout | Word choice; 'burnout' is typically uncountable in this context |
| plan out | organize | Informal phrasal verb; 'organize' is more formal |
| set a bar | set standards | Informal metaphor; 'set standards' is clearer and more academic |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay covers the required causes and solutions but with limited development. Ideas are relevant but not fully extended, and the conclusion is absent. The position is clear but lacks depth and detailed explanation.
Examples
Causes mentioned include competition, pressure to enter prestigious universities, and expectations from parents or self. Solutions include creating a schedule and managing expectations. However, the essay states academic pressure is 'inevitable,' which may contradict the need for solutions.
How to Improve
Develop each cause and solution with specific examples, evidence, or further explanation. Provide a clear concluding paragraph to summarize main points and reinforce the response. Avoid contradictory statements that undermine the proposed solutions.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with introduction and body paragraphs, but the flow is disrupted by repetitive phrases and weak linking devices. Paragraphing is present but not always logical, affecting overall cohesion.
Examples
The introduction is wordy and vague (e.g., 'In these moderen days academic is very important...'). Transitions between ideas are minimal; for instance, 'Another way is to stop having too high of an expectations' is abruptly introduced. Repetition of 'pressure' and 'expectations' without cohesive links.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly,' 'Moreover,' 'In contrast') to connect ideas smoothly. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and logically progresses to the next. Revise the introduction to be more concise and directly address the prompt.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is repetitive and contains several spelling and word choice errors, which impede communication at times. There is an attempt to use less common words, but inaccuracies reduce effectiveness.
Examples
Misspellings: 'moderen' (modern), 'collage' (college), 'acemics' (academics), 'competetive' (competitive), 'prestigeous' (prestigious), 'sheadule' (schedule). Incorrect word forms: 'academics has been getting' should be 'academic pressure has been increasing'. Repetition of 'pressure' and 'expectations' without lexical variety.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning synonyms and context-appropriate terms (e.g., use 'stress' instead of 'pressure' at times). Proofread carefully for spelling errors and use a dictionary to verify word forms. Practice using academic vocabulary related to education and mental health.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There is an attempt to use a mix of simple and complex sentences, but grammatical errors are frequent, affecting clarity and accuracy. Issues include subject-verb agreement, tense consistency, and sentence structure.
Examples
Errors: 'Academic pressure roots from multiple reasons' (should be 'stems from' or 'has multiple causes'). 'This competition... creats pressure for the student' (misspelling and awkward phrasing). 'Students are able to have expectations' (awkward; better as 'Students should set expectations'). Fragment: 'making them think that they have to perform better than other people.'
How to Improve
Practice grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Work on constructing complete sentences and using complex structures accurately. Review punctuation rules to avoid fragments and run-on sentences. Consider using grammar check tools for feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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