This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the problem of drug abuse by highlighting factors like advertising and peer pressure. While it meets the word count, the response is hindered by clarity and limited development of ideas. Addressing these issues can help boost your overall band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution Β· Drugs Β· 40 min
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 276 words (required: 250). It partially addresses the prompt by discussing factors like advertisements, peer pressure, and availability, and suggesting solutions such as taxes and policies. However, the response lacks depth and development, with a narrow focus on teenagers and specific drugs. Issues in coherence, vocabulary, and grammar reduce clarity and impact.
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In recent years, the concern of drug abuse has become widely discussed. It has become a growing problem in many socities. This essay will focus on the factors that resulted for the increasing concern of drug abuse in our society and how can we address them.
In my opinion, the important factor that contributes to the increasing problems for drug abuse in our society can be advertisemnts. Social media advertise the wrong content in seek of attention and views. This attraction is faced mosty by teenagers, their adrenaline rush encourages them to try various drugs such as alcohol, weed, vape and cigarettes. In addition, the feer of peer pressure force them to consume it, wheather they don't like the taste of it. Other reason for this is that they are available so easily and prices are so cheap. Drug dealers are selling them so widely that on every other shop cigrattes are available, this gets easy for teenagers to buy it.
We can address these issues with increasing the tax on drugs and with the help of some government policies, such as every drug dealer should have the liciense with proper government stamps on it. Before selling the drugs, it should be important for drug dealers to check the age of the customer by verifying his election card or aadhar card. Moreover, government should arrange the campaigns that shows the side-effects of consuming alcohol.
In conclusion, although drinking and smoking on special occassion helps the person to enjoy the moment, but it should not cross its limit. One should be able to know their body and stop it when it start causing damage to our health.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
8 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| socities | societies |
| advertisemnts | advertisements |
| mosty | mostly |
| feer | fear |
| wheather | whether |
| cigrattes | cigarettes |
| liciense | license |
| occassion | occasion |
Grammatical Mistakes
18 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| resulted for | resulted in | Preposition error; 'resulted' should be followed by 'in' |
| how can we address them | how we can address them | Incorrect word order; in indirect questions, use subject-verb order |
| problems for drug abuse | problems of drug abuse | Preposition misuse; 'of' is more appropriate |
| in seek of | seeking | Incorrect phrase; 'in seek of' is not standard English |
| faced mosty by teenagers, their | faced mostly by teenagers. Their | Run-on sentence; needs proper punctuation |
| force them | forces them | Subject-verb agreement; 'fear' is singular, so verb should be 'forces' |
| wheather they don't like | even if they don't like | Incorrect conjunction use; 'even if' is more appropriate |
| Other reason | Another reason | Article misuse; 'another' is used for singular |
| on every other shop | in every other shop | Preposition error; 'in' is used for locations like shops |
| this gets easy | this makes it easy | Incorrect construction; 'makes it easy' is standard |
| with increasing the tax | by increasing the tax | Preposition error; 'by' is used for methods |
| such as every drug dealer should have | such as requiring every drug dealer to have | Clause structure; after 'such as', use a noun phrase or gerund |
| by verifying his election card | by verifying their voter ID card | Pronoun agreement; use 'their' for gender neutrality |
| campaigns that shows | campaigns that show | Subject-verb agreement; 'campaigns' is plural, so verb should be 'show' |
| although drinking and smoking on special occassion helps the person to enjoy the moment, but | Although drinking and smoking on special occasions help a person enjoy the moment, | Redundant conjunction; use either 'although' or 'but', not both |
| know their body | know one's body | Pronoun agreement; 'one' should be followed by 'one's' |
| when it start causing | when it starts causing | Subject-verb agreement; 'it' is singular, so verb should be 'starts' |
| to our health | to their health | Pronoun consistency; 'our' is inconsistent with earlier references |
Vocabulary Improvements
15 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| concern of drug abuse | problem of drug abuse | Vague; 'problem' is more direct in this context |
| in seek of | seeking | Incorrect collocation; 'seeking' is standard |
| adrenaline rush | thrill-seeking behavior | Informal term; use more academic language |
| weed, vape and cigarettes | marijuana, vaping products, and cigarettes | Informal or slang terms; use formal terminology |
| available so easily | readily accessible | Informal phrasing; 'readily accessible' is more formal |
| prices are so cheap | prices are low | 'Cheap' has negative connotations; 'low' is neutral |
| on every other shop | in many shops | Informal; 'in many shops' is clearer |
| this gets easy | this makes it easy | Informal construction; 'makes it easy' is better |
| with the help of some government policies | through government policies | Wordy; more concise alternative |
| election card | voter ID card | Vague; 'voter ID card' is specific |
| arrange the campaigns | organize campaigns | Less formal; 'organize' is better for official actions |
| shows the side-effects | highlights the side effects | Informal; 'highlights' is more academic |
| helps the person to enjoy | helps a person enjoy | Redundant 'to'; omitting 'to' is more concise |
| cross its limit | exceed limits | Informal phrase; 'exceed limits' is more precise |
| know their body | understand their body | Vague; 'understand' is more specific |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt but with limited development. Factors and solutions are mentioned but are simplistic and not fully explored. The conclusion introduces an irrelevant point about special occasions, which detracts from the societal focus.
Examples
The essay states: 'the important factor that contributes to the increasing problems for drug abuse in our society can be advertisemnts.' and 'although drinking and smoking on special occassion helps the person to enjoy the moment, but it should not cross its limit.'
How to Improve
Expand on a wider range of factors (e.g., socioeconomic conditions, mental health, education) and solutions (e.g., rehabilitation programs, community support). Ensure all ideas are directly relevant and developed with specific examples or evidence.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, cohesion is weak due to abrupt transitions and underuse of linking words. Paragraphing is present but ideas within paragraphs are not always logically connected.
Examples
The first body paragraph jumps from advertisements to peer pressure without clear transition: 'In addition, the feer of peer pressure force them to consume it...'
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'however', 'for instance') to link ideas. Organize paragraphs around one main idea each, such as dedicating one paragraph to factors and another to solutions, with topic sentences to guide the reader.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling and word choice errors that occasionally hinder meaning. The lexical range is basic and lacks sophistication for an academic context.
Examples
Misspellings: 'socities' (societies), 'advertisemnts' (advertisements), 'feer' (fear), 'wheather' (whether), 'occassion' (occasion). Awkward phrasing: 'in seek of attention' (should be 'seeking attention' or 'for attention').
How to Improve
Use a wider range of topic-specific vocabulary (e.g., 'prevalence', 'addiction', 'preventive measures', 'enforcement'). Practice spelling and consult dictionaries to ensure accurate word forms. Avoid repetition by using synonyms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent throughout the essay, affecting clarity. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with issues in subject-verb agreement, tense, and sentence construction. Complex sentences are attempted but often incorrect.
Examples
Errors include: 'how can we address them' (should be 'how we can address them'), 'the feer of peer pressure force them' (should be 'the fear of peer pressure forces them'), 'when it start causing damage' (should be 'when it starts causing damage').
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement, article usage, and tense consistency. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, and proofread to correct errors. Consider using grammar check tools for feedback.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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