This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the challenges of elderly care in developed countries. While it identifies key issues, such as healthcare and social security, it suffers from coherence and vocabulary problems. Improving these areas can significantly enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution Β· Old People Β· 40 min
As people live longer in rich countries, they encounter a range of challenges that require long-term solutions. What challenges will they and their communities face? What are some possible solutions to mitigate the effects of growing old?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (265 words vs. 250 minimum) and addresses the topic superficially. However, it lacks depth in development, includes an irrelevant example (Kathmandu, not a rich country), and has issues with coherence, vocabulary, and grammar, resulting in an overall band score of 5.0.
Now write your own β and see how your verdict holds up.
Submit your Old People essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar β plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.
Old people are mirror of society, who teaches the experince they grab in their life.There is a significant number of old people in developed countries, where they encounter a range of challanges. In the essay, challneges to the older population and long-term solutions to mitigate them are disscued.
One major problem is health care facility, which require enormous investment. Although rich countries have invested in hospitals, and age care, old population treatment require dedicated and highly equiped hospitals.
Another common problem is about infrastructure modification and social security. Rich countries: Japan, America, Canada, and Italy are performing a significant work, but certain policies change can overpass the challanges . For example, in Japan, average life expentancy is 100 years, where the government faces various issues on providing social security and age care facilities.
The government is working hard to mitigate such problems. Social awareness could be the prime solutions as people are educated about the difficulties of old aged citizens. Proper hospital facilities: well equipped labrotary, adequate of health personals, lead to better environment in terms of health care. Social security is also a solution to ovecome challenges faced by people who live longer. For instant, in Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal, the government provides free transportation, free medical facilities and hecticless servies to old age people, which eventually encourage the society to care their old one's.
In conclusion, old people are the back bone of the society; their experince and contribution to the society lead to current situtaion. So, the government should invest in various facilities that eventually help and motivate old people.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| experince | experience |
| challanges | challenges |
| challneges | challenges |
| disscued | discussed |
| equiped | equipped |
| expentancy | expectancy |
| labrotary | laboratory |
| personals | personnel |
| ovecome | overcome |
| instant | instance |
| hecticless | hassle-free |
| one's | ones |
| situtaion | situation |
| back bone | backbone |
Grammatical Mistakes
12 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| are mirror of society | are the mirror of society | Article missing before 'mirror' |
| who teaches | who teach | Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, so 'teach' |
| grab in their life | have gained in their lives | Incorrect verb usage and plural noun; 'grab' is informal, use 'gain' or 'have gained'; 'life' should be 'lives' for plural |
| There is a significant number | There are a significant number | 'A number of' is plural, so 'are' is preferred |
| health care facility, which require | health care facilities, which require | Subject-verb agreement: 'facilities' is plural, so 'require' |
| old population treatment require | treatment of the old population requires | Word order and subject-verb agreement: 'treatment' is singular, so 'requires' |
| are performing a significant work | are performing significant work | 'Work' is uncountable, so no article 'a' |
| policies change can overpass | policy changes can overcome | Noun form: 'policy changes' is correct; verb 'overpass' is incorrect, use 'overcome' |
| average life expentancy is | the average life expectancy is | Article missing before 'average' |
| prime solutions | prime solution | Singular/plural agreement: 'social awareness' is singular, so 'solution' should be singular |
| lead to better environment | lead to a better environment | Article missing before 'better environment' |
| encourage the society to care their | encourages society to care for their | Subject-verb agreement: 'which' refers to singular provision, so 'encourages'; preposition 'for' needed with 'care' |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| grab | gain | Informal and incorrect in context; use 'gain' or 'acquire' for experience |
| age care | elderly care | Incorrect term; standard term is 'elderly care' or 'aged care' |
| overpass | overcome | Wrong word choice; 'overpass' means a bridge, use 'overcome' for challenges |
| hecticless | hassle-free | Not a standard word; use 'hassle-free' or 'convenient' for clear meaning |
| old one's | elderly ones | Informal and possessive error; use formal term 'elderly ones' or 'older adults' |
| health personals | health personnel | Incorrect word; 'personnel' is the correct term for staff members |
| old aged citizens | elderly citizens | Awkward phrasing; 'elderly' is more concise and appropriate |
Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.
Submit your Old People essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria β with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.
Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay partially answers the prompt by listing challenges (e.g., healthcare, infrastructure) and solutions (e.g., social awareness, government facilities), but ideas are underdeveloped and lack specificity. The example of Kathmandu is not from a rich country, deviating from the prompt's focus.
Examples
Mentions 'health care facility' and 'social security' as challenges without explaining their impact on communities. Suggests 'social awareness' as a solution but does not elaborate on how it works.
How to Improve
Focus on detailed challenges specific to rich countries, such as pension system strains or elder care shortages. Provide well-explained solutions with relevant examples from developed nations like Japan or Canada.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
A basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) is present, but logical flow is weak. Paragraphs are not cohesively linked, and transitions are minimal, making the essay feel disjointed.
Examples
The introduction starts with a general statement ('Old people are mirror of society') that is not directly relevant. The jump from challenges to solutions in the third paragraph is abrupt.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' 'Therefore') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress smoothly from challenges to solutions.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. Some topic-related terms are used but often incorrectly, reducing clarity.
Examples
Misspellings: 'challanges' for challenges, 'disscued' for discussed, 'expentancy' for expectancy. Non-standard phrase: 'hecticless servies' likely intended to mean hassle-free services.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary on aging populations (e.g., 'geriatric care,' 'demographic shift,' 'age-friendly policies'). Use a dictionary to check spelling and accuracy. Avoid inventing words.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
There are multiple grammatical errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentences are often awkward or incorrect, hindering communication.
Examples
Incorrect: 'Old people are mirror of society, who teaches the experince they grab' should be 'Old people are mirrors of society, who teach the experience they gain.' 'For instant' should be 'For instance.'
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially articles ('a,' 'the'), subject-verb agreement, and tense consistency. Practice writing complex sentences and proofread thoroughly to correct errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
RELATED ESSAYS
01
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting studentsβ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, academic pressure is a reason for health related issues among young people, which includes anxiety, depression and burnout. Which has become a rising ...
02
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
In this century, the topic of incresing of drug abuses has become a subject of great importance and frequently discussed by the people all over the world. Some ...
03
In many schools, students are increasingly distracted by digital devices during lessons, which affects their concentration and classroom engagement.What problems does this cause, and what solutions can be implemented to address them? Write at least 250 words.
In modern era, there is an increasing debate about digital devices in schools causes destructing by students which leads to off-focus and intrest in accademics....
04
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, many countries have been facing a variety of social and economic challenges. Among these, the issue mentioned in the statement has become a ma...
05
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, people with illnesses are increasing rapidly due to the contamination in the environment and unhealthy diets. Becoming a reason to use medicine to mai...