Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 Elderly Care Essay: Coherence Issues
Sample Answer with Feedback

πŸ“… Published Apr 2026 ⏱️ 40 minutes recommended πŸ“ 265 words Β· Band 5
✏️ Start Writing for Free
This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the challenges of elderly care in developed countries. While it identifies key issues, such as healthcare and social security, it suffers from coherence and vocabulary problems. Improving these areas can significantly enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay.

IELTS Writing Task 2 Question

Problem/ Solution Β· Old People Β· 40 min

As people live longer in rich countries, they encounter a range of challenges that require long-term solutions. What challenges will they and their communities face? What are some possible solutions to mitigate the effects of growing old?

Write at least 250 words.




5 Band

Overall Band Score

265 words · Problem/ Solution Β· AI Evaluated

5
Task Response
5
Coherence
5
Lexical Resource
5
Grammar

Score Breakdown

IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)

Task Response
5
Coherence and Cohesion
5
Lexical Resource
5
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
5

Summary: The essay meets the word count requirement (265 words vs. 250 minimum) and addresses the topic superficially. However, it lacks depth in development, includes an irrelevant example (Kathmandu, not a rich country), and has issues with coherence, vocabulary, and grammar, resulting in an overall band score of 5.0.

Now write your own β€” and see how your verdict holds up.

Submit your Old People essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar β€” plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.

Student Answer
Real submission β€’ 265 words β€’ Annotated
265 words Band 5 WritingPart2
● Spelling ● Grammar ● Vocabulary

Old people are mirror of society, who teaches the experince they grab in their life.There is a significant number of old people in developed countries, where they encounter a range of challanges. In the essay, challneges to the older population and long-term solutions to mitigate them are disscued.
One major problem is health care facility, which require enormous investment. Although rich countries have invested in hospitals, and age care, old population treatment require dedicated and highly equiped hospitals.
Another common problem is about infrastructure modification and social security. Rich countries: Japan, America, Canada, and Italy are performing a significant work, but certain policies change can overpass the challanges . For example, in Japan, average life expentancy is 100 years, where the government faces various issues on providing social security and age care facilities.
The government is working hard to mitigate such problems. Social awareness could be the prime solutions as people are educated about the difficulties of old aged citizens. Proper hospital facilities: well equipped labrotary, adequate of health personals, lead to better environment in terms of health care. Social security is also a solution to ovecome challenges faced by people who live longer. For instant, in Kathmandu, the capital city of Nepal, the government provides free transportation, free medical facilities and hecticless servies to old age people, which eventually encourage the society to care their old one's.
In conclusion, old people are the back bone of the society; their experince and contribution to the society lead to current situtaion. So, the government should invest in various facilities that eventually help and motivate old people.

AI Feedback Report Details

Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis

Spelling Mistakes

14 errors
Misspelled Word Corrected Word
experince experience
challanges challenges
challneges challenges
disscued discussed
equiped equipped
expentancy expectancy
labrotary laboratory
personals personnel
ovecome overcome
instant instance
hecticless hassle-free
one's ones
situtaion situation
back bone backbone

Grammatical Mistakes

12 errors
Mistake Correction Explanation
are mirror of society are the mirror of society Article missing before 'mirror'
who teaches who teach Subject-verb agreement: 'people' is plural, so 'teach'
grab in their life have gained in their lives Incorrect verb usage and plural noun; 'grab' is informal, use 'gain' or 'have gained'; 'life' should be 'lives' for plural
There is a significant number There are a significant number 'A number of' is plural, so 'are' is preferred
health care facility, which require health care facilities, which require Subject-verb agreement: 'facilities' is plural, so 'require'
old population treatment require treatment of the old population requires Word order and subject-verb agreement: 'treatment' is singular, so 'requires'
are performing a significant work are performing significant work 'Work' is uncountable, so no article 'a'
policies change can overpass policy changes can overcome Noun form: 'policy changes' is correct; verb 'overpass' is incorrect, use 'overcome'
average life expentancy is the average life expectancy is Article missing before 'average'
prime solutions prime solution Singular/plural agreement: 'social awareness' is singular, so 'solution' should be singular
lead to better environment lead to a better environment Article missing before 'better environment'
encourage the society to care their encourages society to care for their Subject-verb agreement: 'which' refers to singular provision, so 'encourages'; preposition 'for' needed with 'care'

Vocabulary Improvements

7 suggestions
Original Word/Phrase Improved Word/Phrase Explanation
grab gain Informal and incorrect in context; use 'gain' or 'acquire' for experience
age care elderly care Incorrect term; standard term is 'elderly care' or 'aged care'
overpass overcome Wrong word choice; 'overpass' means a bridge, use 'overcome' for challenges
hecticless hassle-free Not a standard word; use 'hassle-free' or 'convenient' for clear meaning
old one's elderly ones Informal and possessive error; use formal term 'elderly ones' or 'older adults'
health personals health personnel Incorrect word; 'personnel' is the correct term for staff members
old aged citizens elderly citizens Awkward phrasing; 'elderly' is more concise and appropriate

Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.

Submit your Old People essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria β€” with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.

Detailed Criteria Feedback

AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion

Task Response 5
Evaluation
The essay partially answers the prompt by listing challenges (e.g., healthcare, infrastructure) and solutions (e.g., social awareness, government facilities), but ideas are underdeveloped and lack specificity. The example of Kathmandu is not from a rich country, deviating from the prompt's focus.
Examples
Mentions 'health care facility' and 'social security' as challenges without explaining their impact on communities. Suggests 'social awareness' as a solution but does not elaborate on how it works.
How to Improve
Focus on detailed challenges specific to rich countries, such as pension system strains or elder care shortages. Provide well-explained solutions with relevant examples from developed nations like Japan or Canada.
Coherence and Cohesion 5
Evaluation
A basic structure (introduction, body paragraphs, conclusion) is present, but logical flow is weak. Paragraphs are not cohesively linked, and transitions are minimal, making the essay feel disjointed.
Examples
The introduction starts with a general statement ('Old people are mirror of society') that is not directly relevant. The jump from challenges to solutions in the third paragraph is abrupt.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' 'Therefore') to connect ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress smoothly from challenges to solutions.
Lexical Resource 5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited with frequent spelling errors and inappropriate word choices. Some topic-related terms are used but often incorrectly, reducing clarity.
Examples
Misspellings: 'challanges' for challenges, 'disscued' for discussed, 'expentancy' for expectancy. Non-standard phrase: 'hecticless servies' likely intended to mean hassle-free services.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary on aging populations (e.g., 'geriatric care,' 'demographic shift,' 'age-friendly policies'). Use a dictionary to check spelling and accuracy. Avoid inventing words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy 5
Evaluation
There are multiple grammatical errors in sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Sentences are often awkward or incorrect, hindering communication.
Examples
Incorrect: 'Old people are mirror of society, who teaches the experince they grab' should be 'Old people are mirrors of society, who teach the experience they gain.' 'For instant' should be 'For instance.'
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, especially articles ('a,' 'the'), subject-verb agreement, and tense consistency. Practice writing complex sentences and proofread thoroughly to correct errors.
πŸ’‘
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.

RELATED ESSAYS

02
Education πŸ“ 398 words ⏱️ Jul 2026 Band 9 Model βœ“
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
"Knowledge is power", is a well-known quote amongst many people. The world has advanced technologically and academically to exceedingly high levels. With such d...
03
Education πŸ“ 297 words ⏱️ Jun 2026 Band 9 Model βœ“
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, academic pressure has emerged as a major contributor to mental health problems among teenagers. With increasing competition and expectations in...
04
Drugs πŸ“ 300 words ⏱️ Jun 2026 Band 9 Model βœ“
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, many countries have been facing a variety of social and economic challenges. Among these, the issue mentioned in the statement has become a ma...
05
Student Behaviour πŸ“ 311 words ⏱️ Jun 2026 Band 9 Model βœ“
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?  Write at least 250 words.
Problem and Solution Essay Template (with Signposting Language – 250+ Words) In recent years, many countries have been facing a variety of social and economic c...
06
Drugs πŸ“ 223 words ⏱️ Jun 2026 Band 9 Model βœ“
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, people with illnesses are increasing rapidly due to the contamination in the environment and unhealthy diets. Becoming a reason to use medicine to mai...