This Band 5 IELTS essay addresses human activities harming the environment, highlighting key issues like spelling errors and basic coherence. While the essay meets the word count, it struggles with detailed development and clear transitions. Learn how to enhance your writing for better results!
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution Β· Natural World Β· 40 min
Human activity has a devastating impact on the natural environment, but addressing this crisis requires both governmental action and individual responsibility. What are some of the human activities that harm the natural world? How can these issues be solved by the authorities? What actions can each person take to help?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (264 words) and addresses all parts of the question, but with limited development and depth. Task response is adequate but includes an irrelevant point in the conclusion. Coherence and cohesion are basic with some awkward transitions. Lexical resource is limited with spelling errors, and grammatical range and accuracy are weak with frequent errors.
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In recent years, the topic of human activities causing damage to environment has discussed widely. Many people believe noise pollution, water polloution has a devastating impact on the natural environment, although this problems require both governmental action and individual responsibility. This essay will discussed the human activitie that harm the natural world and how can these problems be solved with the help of government authorities and by individually.
First of all, activities such as throwing garbage on the road, discharging the sewage and domestic waste into the rivers and volatile oraganic compounds, for example nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide released from the vechiles are the main causes that harm the natural environment. Moreover, these are the leading factor that causes land pollution, water pollution and air pollution. Another important reason is deforestation, people cut down the forest trees to build big factories and industries but that has become an important cause for global warming and loss of habitatio for animals.
To overcome with this issues, government should expand its public transports and manufacture more electronic vechiles to reduce air pollutants. In addition, central authority should ban cutting of tress in forest areas.Whereas, individually, each person should take the responsibility of throwing household waste into the society dustbin or in the garbage collector van. People can also join communities that clean the rivers parks and mountains on every weekend.
In conclusion, although it is not possible to clean each and every corner of the country but taking small steps can lead to a big impact. However, I think, higher national cleanliness results in lower disease rates.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| polloution | pollution |
| oraganic | organic |
| vechiles | vehicles |
| habitatio | habitats |
| tress | trees |
| activitie | activities |
Grammatical Mistakes
10 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| has discussed widely | has been discussed widely | Passive voice required; the topic is discussed by people |
| this problems | these problems | Demonstrative adjective agreement; 'problems' is plural, so use 'these' |
| will discussed | will discuss | Modal verb 'will' must be followed by base form of verb |
| by individually | individually | Incorrect use of adverb; 'by individually' should be 'individually' or 'by individuals' |
| these are the leading factor | these are the leading factors | Subject-verb agreement; 'these' is plural, so 'factors' should be plural |
| that causes land pollution | that cause land pollution | Plural subject 'factors' requires plural verb 'cause' |
| deforestation, people cut down | deforestation; people cut down | Comma splice error; use a semicolon or rephrase to join independent clauses |
| To overcome with this issues | To overcome these issues | 'Overcome' is transitive and does not take 'with'; use 'these' for plural 'issues' |
| government should expand its public transports | governments should expand public transportation | 'Public transport' is uncountable; use plural 'governments' for general reference |
| areas.Whereas | areas. Whereas, | Missing space after period and comma for conjunction 'whereas' |
Vocabulary Improvements
10 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| big factories | large factories | 'Big' is informal; 'large' is more appropriate in academic writing |
| big impact | significant impact | 'Big' is vague and informal; 'significant' is more precise and academic |
| society dustbin | community waste bin | Awkward collocation; 'community waste bin' is clearer and more formal |
| garbage collector van | garbage truck | More precise term for the vehicle used in waste collection |
| electronic vechiles | electric vehicles | Standard term for vehicles powered by electricity |
| public transports | public transportation | Uncountable noun; 'transportation' is preferred in formal contexts |
| central authority | government authorities | More common and precise term for governing bodies |
| take the responsibility of | take responsibility for | Correct collocation with 'for' when referring to actions |
| every weekend | weekly | More concise and formal alternative |
| higher national cleanliness | improved national cleanliness | 'Higher' is not typically used with 'cleanliness'; 'improved' is more appropriate |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay covers all three parts of the question by listing human activities, suggesting government solutions, and individual actions. However, the ideas are presented with minimal development and lack detail. The conclusion introduces an unrelated point about disease rates, which is not directly relevant to the environmental crisis.
Examples
Human activities listed include throwing garbage, sewage discharge, vehicle emissions, and deforestation. Government solutions mention expanding public transport and banning deforestation, while individual actions include using dustbins and joining clean-up communities. The conclusion states, 'higher national cleanliness results in lower disease rates,' which diverges from the main topic.
How to Improve
Extend each point with specific examples and explanations. For instance, explain how deforestation leads to global warming in more detail. Ensure the conclusion summarizes the main arguments without introducing new, off-topic ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, cohesion is mechanical, and linking words are sometimes used incorrectly. Paragraphing is present but could be improved for better flow.
Examples
The introduction has grammatical errors that affect clarity. In the second body paragraph, 'Whereas' is used incorrectly to connect ideas. Transitions between sentences are often lacking, making the essay feel disjointed.
How to Improve
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately, such as 'furthermore,' 'in addition,' 'on the other hand,' and 'for example.' Ensure each paragraph starts with a topic sentence and logically progresses to support the main idea.
Lexical Resource4.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic and repetitive, with several spelling errors that impede communication. There is limited use of topic-specific terminology, and word choice is often inaccurate.
Examples
Misspellings: 'polloution' (pollution), 'vechiles' (vehicles), 'habitatio' (habitat), 'oraganic' (organic). Basic terms like 'garbage,' 'waste,' and 'pollution' are overused without variation.
How to Improve
Learn and practice correct spelling of key environmental terms. Expand vocabulary by using synonyms, such as 'emissions' for 'pollutants,' 'sustainable transport' for 'electronic vehicles,' and 'ecosystem degradation' for 'harm to the natural world.'
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors throughout the essay, including incorrect verb forms, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and prepositions. Sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited complex sentences.
Examples
Errors: 'has discussed widely' (should be 'has been widely discussed'), 'this problems' (should be 'these problems'), 'will discussed' (should be 'will discuss'), 'to overcome with this issues' (should be 'to overcome these issues'). Simple sentences dominate, such as 'People can also join communities...'
How to Improve
Review basic grammar rules, particularly verb tenses, articles (a, an, the), and plural forms. Practice writing complex sentences with subordinate clauses to demonstrate a wider grammatical range, e.g., 'Although deforestation contributes to global warming, governments can implement policies to protect forests.'
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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