This Band 5 IELTS essay on student behavior presents causes and potential solutions but faces challenges with clarity and coherence. While some relevant ideas are addressed, the introduction is incomplete, and many points lack depth and development, making it essential for students to focus on improving message clarity for better scores.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution Β· Student Behaviour Β· 40 min
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic of student behavior causes and solutions, meeting the minimum word count of 258 words. However, it has significant issues: the introduction is incomplete, ideas are superficially developed, and there are frequent lexical and grammatical errors that affect clarity. The essay remains on-topic but lacks depth and coherence.
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Behaviourial attributes of students around the world posses a serious concerns to schools and the society at large. I will outline my concerns, causes and propable solutions to the cause of
On one hand the probable cause of negative character developement can stem from the home, values and discipline the student is exposed to. For instance, the Bible said " train up a child the way they should go, when grown, they wont depart from it" the values and virtues instilled in a student goesa long way in putting the student in the right part. In addition students from a broken and toxic home tend to posses toxic characteristics such as envy, selfishness and anger issues which will in turn affect other students in school through bullying.
On the positive side, The school management can organise weekly classes for all students, Teachers and parents. Parents and care takers are informed by the school management of the classes. With such devepment on the school corriculum, students are Educated on the rules and regulation and characteristics to posses as a student. Learning materials such as books and documentary should be made available to students to keep them occupied during the weekends.
Additionally, the school management can bring in psycological professionals to set up a thearapy section for students dealing with trauma and from broken homes.
In conclution i believe that students with toxic behavioural triats can find help by the school implementing the solutions mentioned above and i turn help the student be a better individual on the long run.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
14 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| possess | poses |
| concerns | concern |
| propable | probable |
| developement | development |
| goesa | goes a |
| devepment | development |
| corriculum | curriculum |
| psycological | psychological |
| thearapy | therapy |
| section | session |
| conclution | conclusion |
| triats | traits |
| i | I |
| in turn | and in turn |
Grammatical Mistakes
5 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Behaviourial attributes of students around the world posses a serious concerns to schools and the society at large. | Behavioral attributes of students around the world pose serious concerns to schools and society at large. | Corrected subject-verb agreement and article usage. |
| the values and virtues instilled in a student goesa long way in putting the student in the right part. | the values and virtues instilled in a student go a long way in putting the student on the right path. | Corrected subject-verb agreement and preposition usage. |
| students are Educated on the rules and regulation and characteristics to posses as a student. | students are educated on the rules and regulations and characteristics to possess as a student. | Corrected capitalization, plural form, and spelling. |
| the school management can bring in psycological professionals to set up a thearapy section for students dealing with trauma and from broken homes. | the school management can bring in psychological professionals to set up a therapy session for students dealing with trauma and coming from broken homes. | Corrected spelling and improved phrasing for clarity. |
| help the student be a better individual on the long run. | help the student become a better individual in the long run. | Corrected verb form and preposition usage. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| negative character development | negative behavioral development | More precise and contextually appropriate term. |
| toxic characteristics such as envy, selfishness and anger issues | negative traits such as envy, selfishness, and anger management issues | Improved phrasing for academic tone and clarity. |
| Learning materials such as books and documentary | Learning materials such as books and documentaries | Corrected plural form for consistency. |
| broken and toxic home | unstable or unhealthy home environment | More formal and precise phrasing. |
| train up a child the way they should go | train a child in the way they should go | Improved phrasing for grammatical accuracy. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task by presenting some causes (e.g., home environment) and solutions (e.g., weekly classes, psychological support). However, development is limited, and the introduction is incomplete, which undermines the response. The use of a Biblical quote is not fully integrated into an academic argument.
Examples
The introduction ends mid-sentence: 'I will outline my concerns, causes and propable solutions to the cause of'. Causes are briefly mentioned, such as 'broken and toxic home', but not elaborated in detail. Solutions like 'organise weekly classes' are stated without specific explanation.
How to Improve
Ensure a complete introduction with a clear thesis statement. Fully develop each cause and solution with relevant examples and explanations. Avoid tangential references like religious quotes unless they are critically analyzed in context.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
Basic paragraph structure is used, but coherence is hindered by abrupt transitions and an incomplete introduction. Linking between ideas is minimal, and the flow from causes to solutions is awkward.
Examples
The essay shifts from causes ('On one hand...') to solutions ('On the positive side...') without smooth transitions. The conclusion is brief and loosely connected. Paragraphs are separated but lack logical progression.
How to Improve
Use cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'In contrast') to link paragraphs and ideas. Write a complete introduction and conclusion that summarize main points. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and connects to the next.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and frequently misspelled or misused, reducing clarity. Some words are inappropriate for academic context, and there is repetition.
Examples
Misspellings: 'behaviourial' (behavioral), 'propable' (probable), 'thearapy' (therapy), 'conclution' (conclusion). Incorrect word choices: 'posses' (poses), 'goesa' (goes a), 'part' (path). Basic vocabulary like 'toxic' and 'broken homes' is repeated.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary related to education and behavior (e.g., 'disciplinary issues', 'interventions'). Use a dictionary or thesaurus for accuracy. Proofread carefully to correct spelling errors and choose precise terms.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are numerous, affecting sentence clarity and range. Issues include subject-verb agreement, incorrect verb forms, article misuse, and punctuation errors. Sentence structures are mostly simple with occasional attempts at complexity, but inaccurately executed.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'posses a serious concerns' (should be 'poses a serious concern' or 'pose serious concerns'). Verb form: 'goesa long way' (should be 'goes a long way'). Article misuse: 'a serious concerns'. Punctuation: missing periods and capital letters, e.g., 'i' instead of 'I' in the conclusion.
How to Improve
Focus on foundational grammar rules, especially subject-verb agreement, articles, and verb tenses. Practice constructing complex sentences with correct subordination and coordination. Proofread for punctuation and capitalization errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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