This Band 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses student behavior and its causes and solutions. The feedback highlights coherence issues and grammar errors that affected the overall score. This analysis aims to guide students in enhancing their essay writing techniques.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Student Behaviour · 40 min
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (263 words) and addresses the topic of student behavior, discussing causes and solutions. However, it lacks depth and development, with vague ideas and personal examples that are not fully elaborated. There are issues with coherence, vocabulary, and grammar that limit the overall score.
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In this modern world, Students are the future in developing the nations economy. As many young people activities hectic problems" title="Correction: cause hectic problems">causes a hectic problems in schools globally. The problem is mainly on growing state of their mind, there are plethora of reasons for the same and there are possible solutions can be suggested too which are discussed as follows.
Firstly, the majority of the problem is caused by their way of growing. Parents should teach them positive things and how to act with others once they were in pre-schools. Secondly, as they enters into the next stage of education, teachers and friends play a vital role in their life. For instance, one of my friends kid joined in a new school last year and they can see major changes with their kids attitude. This is solely because of the new school ambience and the friends they meet.
There are many solutions helpful to curb their activities. One of the important solution is tracking their childrens behaviour by the parents. They always want to keep an eye on their own kids and what's bothering them. Furthermore, reducing the screen time may give a big change in their daily routine. For example, one of my kid friend from school who always play games in mobiles even in school time. This make them addict on mobiles and showing less interest in studying subjects.
To conclude, changing the kids behaviour is not easy but with the joint efforts of parents and friends can control with proper measures. I believe parents should take a big part in their kids life.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
1 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| childrens | children's |
Grammatical Mistakes
6 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| nations economy | nation's economy | Possessive form required |
| causes a hectic problems | cause hectic problems | Subject-verb agreement and article misuse: 'activities' is plural, so 'cause', and no article with plural 'problems' |
| there are plethora of reasons | there is a plethora of reasons | 'Plethora' is singular, requiring 'a' |
| as they enters | as they enter | Subject-verb agreement: 'they' requires plural verb 'enter' |
| one of my friends kid | one of my friend's kids | Possessive form needed for 'friend', and plural 'kids' for consistency |
| This make them addict on mobiles | This makes them addicted to mobile phones | Subject-verb agreement: 'This makes', 'addicted' is adjective, preposition 'to' |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| hectic problems | serious problems | Incorrect collocation; 'hectic' means busy, not serious |
| way of growing | upbringing | Vague; 'upbringing' is more precise for parental influence |
| big change | significant change | Informal; 'big' should be replaced with more academic word |
| kid friend | childhood friend | Informal and awkward; 'childhood friend' is standard |
| mobiles | mobile phones | Informal; use full term for clarity |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5.5
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses the task by suggesting causes (e.g., upbringing, influence of teachers and friends) and solutions (e.g., parental monitoring, reducing screen time). However, the ideas are underdeveloped and lack specific, relevant examples. The introduction is repetitive, and the conclusion is brief.
Examples
For instance, the cause 'their way of growing' is vague, and the example about 'my friends kid' is personal and not clearly linked to broader causes. Solutions like 'tracking their childrens behaviour' are mentioned but not explained in detail.
How to Improve
Develop each cause and solution with clear, relevant examples. Focus on broader societal or educational factors, such as curriculum pressure or lack of discipline policies. Ensure examples are generalizable and support the arguments effectively.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the flow is awkward, and cohesive devices are used inconsistently. Paragraphing is present but ideas within paragraphs are not logically connected.
Examples
The first sentence in the introduction ('Students are the future...') is not directly relevant. Transition words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' are used, but the following points are not well-developed. The shift from causes to solutions is abrupt.
How to Improve
Improve paragraph unity by focusing each paragraph on a single main idea. Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'however,' 'in addition') to show relationships between ideas. Ensure the introduction clearly outlines the essay's structure.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation. Some attempts at less common vocabulary (e.g., 'plethora') are misused, affecting clarity.
Examples
Incorrect phrases: 'hectic problems' (should be 'serious problems'), 'childrens behaviour' (should be 'children's behaviour'), 'addict on mobiles' (should be 'addicted to mobile phones'). Spelling errors: 'ambience' is misspelled as 'ambience' in context, but it's correct; however, 'kids attitude' should be 'kid's attitude'.
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary by learning topic-related words (e.g., 'discipline,' 'bullying,' 'intervention'). Practice accurate word formation and spelling. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to choose appropriate words and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy4.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, including issues with subject-verb agreement, tense, articles, and sentence structure. Simple sentences dominate, with attempts at complex sentences but with errors.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'activities causes' (should be 'activities cause'), 'as they enters' (should be 'as they enter'). Tense error: 'once they were in pre-schools' (should be 'when they are in pre-school'). Article error: 'a hectic problems' (should be 'hectic problems' or 'a hectic problem'). Sentence structure: 'there are possible solutions can be suggested too' (should be 'possible solutions can be suggested').
How to Improve
Focus on grammar basics, especially subject-verb agreement and tense consistency. Practice forming complex sentences correctly using conjunctions. Proofread essays to identify and correct errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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