This Band 5 IELTS writing task 2 essay addresses the issue of student behaviour, highlighting social media and hormonal changes as causes. However, clarity and development issues are evident, with underexplained ideas and frequent language errors. By focusing on improving these areas, students can significantly enhance their essay quality.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution Β· Student Behaviour Β· 40 min
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1β9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count of 250 words (252 words actual) and addresses the topic by discussing causes (social media and hormonal imbalance) and solutions (yoga/meditation and counselling). However, ideas are underdeveloped with limited support and explanation. Language errors in vocabulary, spelling, and grammar are frequent, affecting clarity and coherence.
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Many schools are facing the serious concerns about the student behaviour across the world. In today's generation, students have become more stabile and disrespectful towards their teachers. This has raised a serious problems among parents and teachers.
One of the major cause for this can be social media, the content they watch on social media affects a lot on their daily lives. Children of young age gets distracted every easily. The web-series or movies the watch online feels so entertaining for them and they are to behave same in real life. Moreover, they are not mature enough to understand the difference between online world and real- life.
On the other hand, hormonal imbalance also plays a vital role in sudden behaviour of the teenagers. From the age 13 to 19 students hit puberty and secretes hormones such as testosterone and estrongen among boys and grils respectively. However, this leads to many changes such as mood swings, emotinoal shifts and gets irritated very easily.
To solve this problems, students can do yoga or meditation, which helps them to relax their mind. Doing meditation every day improves the focus level of children and try to concentrate more their studies. Government should open the one on one counselling sessions, that will help them to balance their emotions and can share their problems to the counsellor without any hesitation.
In conclusion, social media and hormonal imbalance are the important factors affecting the student behaviour and this can be overcome by focusing more on one's personal health.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling Β· Grammar Β· Vocabulary Β· Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
6 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| stabile | stubborn |
| estrongen | estrogen |
| grils | girls |
| emotinoal | emotional |
| every | very |
| real- life | real life |
Grammatical Mistakes
15 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| facing the serious concerns | facing serious concerns | Article misuse: 'the' is unnecessary before 'serious concerns' |
| a serious problems | serious problems | Subject-verb agreement: 'problems' is plural, so cannot use 'a' |
| One of the major cause | One of the major causes | Subject-verb agreement: 'one of' requires a plural noun |
| affects a lot on | significantly affects | Preposition misuse: 'affects' is transitive and does not require 'on'; use 'significantly affects' for clarity |
| gets distracted | get distracted | Subject-verb agreement: 'children' is plural, so verb should be 'get' |
| the watch online feels | they watch online feel | Pronoun error and subject-verb agreement: 'the watch' should be 'they watch', and 'feels' should be 'feel' for plural subject |
| behave same | behave the same | Missing article: 'same' usually requires 'the' before it |
| real- life | real life | Hyphen error: no hyphen needed in this context |
| secretes hormones | secrete hormones | Subject-verb agreement: 'students' is plural, so verb should be 'secrete' |
| gets irritated | irritability | Parallel structure: in the list 'mood swings, emotional shifts, and gets irritated', all items should be nouns; 'irritability' fits |
| this problems | these problems | Pronoun agreement: 'problems' is plural, so use 'these' instead of 'this' |
| relax their mind | relax their minds | Noun number agreement: 'their' implies plural, so 'minds' should be plural |
| try to concentrate more their studies | concentrate more on their studies | Missing preposition: 'concentrate' requires 'on' before the object |
| open the one on one counselling sessions | offer one-on-one counselling sessions | Article misuse and wrong verb: 'open' is not suitable for sessions; 'offer' is better, and remove unnecessary 'the' |
| share their problems to the counsellor | share their problems with the counsellor | Preposition error: 'share' should be followed by 'with' not 'to' |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| stabile | stubborn | Incorrect word; 'stabile' is not standard in this context; 'stubborn' means unreasonably obstinate |
| affects a lot on | significantly affects | Vague and informal phrasing; 'significantly affects' is more precise and academic |
| feels so entertaining | is very entertaining | Informal phrasing; 'is very entertaining' is more standard and appropriate |
| are to behave | tend to behave | Awkward phrasing; 'tend to behave' indicates a habitual action or inclination |
| focus level | concentration | Vague term; 'concentration' is a more precise and academic word for the ability to focus |
| open | provide | Wrong collocation; 'open' is not typically used with 'sessions'; 'provide' is more appropriate |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response5
Evaluation
The essay partially addresses all parts of the question by identifying causes and solutions, but the ideas are not fully developed or extended. For example, the impact of social media on behavior is mentioned but not explained in detail, and solutions are stated without elaboration on how they would work.
Examples
Causes: 'social media, the content they watch... affects a lot on their daily lives' is vague. Solutions: 'students can do yoga or meditation, which helps them to relax their mind' lacks specific evidence or reasoning.
How to Improve
Expand each point with specific examples, explanations, and consequences. For instance, describe how social media content leads to disrespectful behavior, or how counselling sessions practically help students manage emotions.
Coherence & Cohesion5
Evaluation
There is a basic organizational structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, paragraphing is somewhat mechanical, and cohesive devices are used inconsistently. The flow between ideas is occasionally awkward, affecting overall coherence.
Examples
Transition from social media to hormonal imbalance with 'On the other hand' is acceptable but the connection is not smooth. The conclusion summarises points but does not reinforce the argument effectively.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition') to connect ideas logically. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress naturally from one to the next.
Lexical Resource5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling and word choice errors. Some topic-related terms are used, but inaccurately or imprecisely, reducing clarity and sophistication.
Examples
Incorrect spellings: 'stabile' (likely intended as 'stable' or 'rebellious'), 'estrongen' (estrogen), 'grils' (girls), 'emotinoal' (emotional). Imprecise phrasing: 'gets distracted every easily' (very easily).
How to Improve
Build vocabulary related to education, psychology, and behavior. Proofread carefully for spelling errors. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to find more accurate and varied terms, such as 'adolescent' instead of 'teenagers' or 'influence' instead of 'affects'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5
Evaluation
Grammar errors are frequent, and sentence structures are predominantly simple, with limited complex sentences. Errors in subject-verb agreement, articles, and word order affect meaning and readability.
Examples
Subject-verb agreement: 'Children... gets distracted' (should be 'get'). Article misuse: 'a serious problems' (should be 'a serious problem' or 'serious problems'). Incomplete sentences: 'the web-series or movies the watch online feels so entertaining' (should be 'they watch').
How to Improve
Practice forming complex sentences with clauses. Focus on grammar rules, especially verb tenses, articles, and plural forms. Review and edit writing to correct common errors before submission.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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