This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses academic pressure affecting teenagers but highlights clarity and idea development issues. With feedback focusing on elaboration and cohesion, this analysis aims to help students improve their writing skills and achieve a better score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the task by discussing causes and solutions for academic pressure affecting teenagers' mental health, meeting the 250-word requirement (331 words). However, ideas are underdeveloped, with limited elaboration on causes and solutions. Lexical and grammatical errors reduce clarity, and cohesion is basic. The overall performance aligns with Band 6.0.
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It is irrefutable that academic pressure is the main reason for increasing mental pressure: anxiety, depression, and burnout among teenagers. As a result, this growing problem has many impacts on the well-being and long-term development of students.
There are main two reasons for rising academic pressure amnong learners, which are incresing competitions amnog students and the lack of coordinations between academic studies and other co-curricular activities. This essay will outline these problems and show how these issues can be minimized for ensuring long-term development for students.
To begin with, mental pressure" title="Correction: one prime reason for increasing mental pressure">one prime reason of increasing mental pressure amnong pupils is competition. This is because the number of students is increasing rapidly, therefore,the competitions are also rising rapidly. Students have to study more hours for good results or getting chance in renowed academic schools or colleges. In addition, another considerable factor is the discrepancy between academic courses and other co- curricular activities. The courses are organized in a such way that ,students do not have enough time to play games or join debate competitions. If there is a coherence between formal and informal activities, students can enjoy playing games with their classmates as a part of their courses. As a result, they feel energized and can refocus on their studies attentively.
In order to address these problems, one significant solution is to reduce competitions amnog learners. The government should take various initiatives to ensure a study method, which is provided to students in a satisfactory way. There is no competitions and they will give more focus on creativity of students so that pupils can enjoy their studies. Furthermore,another important factor that should be changed is the sllyabus of the courses. There should be included other physical subjects as sprots ,exercise and arts and crafts.
In conclusion, although increasing competitions and the lack of priority of physical excercises among learners is the main obstacles ofheir cognitive development, ensuring suitable environemt by reducing competitions and changing academic syllabus can enhance the holistic development of students.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
11 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| amnong | among |
| amnog | among |
| incresing | increasing |
| coordinations | coordination |
| renowed | renowned |
| sllyabus | syllabus |
| sprots | sports |
| excercises | exercises |
| ofheir | of their |
| environemt | environment |
| co- curricular | co-curricular |
Grammatical Mistakes
11 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| There are main two reasons | There are two main reasons | Incorrect word order; adjectives should precede nouns in standard order |
| which are incresing competitions amnog students | which are increasing competition among students | 'Competition' is uncountable here for general concept; spelling corrections included |
| the lack of coordinations | the lack of coordination | 'Coordination' is uncountable and does not take a plural form |
| one prime reason of increasing mental pressure | one prime reason for increasing mental pressure | Preposition error; 'reason for' is the correct collocation |
| therefore,the competitions are also rising rapidly | therefore, the competition is also rising rapidly | Missing space after comma; 'competition' should be singular for consistency |
| getting chance in renowed academic schools | to get a chance in renowned academic schools | Missing article 'a' before 'chance'; infinitive form for parallel structure |
| in a such way that ,students do not have enough time | in such a way that students do not have enough time | Incorrect word order 'a such' should be 'such a'; remove extra comma |
| There is no competitions | There is no competition | Subject-verb agreement; 'competition' is singular, so 'is' is correct |
| they will give more focus on creativity of students | they will focus more on the creativity of students | Awkward phrasing; 'focus on' is more direct and academic |
| There should be included other physical subjects as sprots ,exercise and arts and crafts. | Other physical subjects such as sports, exercise, and arts and crafts should be included. | Passive voice improvement for clarity; correct punctuation and spelling |
| although increasing competitions and the lack of priority of physical excercises among learners is the main obstacles ofheir cognitive development | although increasing competition and the lack of priority given to physical exercises among learners are the main obstacles to their cognitive development | Subject-verb agreement: compound subject requires plural verb 'are'; 'obstacles to' not 'of'; spelling corrections |
Vocabulary Improvements
7 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| mental pressure | psychological stress | 'Pressure' is acceptable, but 'stress' is more common in academic contexts for mental health |
| pupils | students | 'Pupils' is less common in some English varieties; 'students' is standard and widely used |
| renowed academic schools | renowned educational institutions | 'Academic schools' is redundant; 'educational institutions' is more precise and formal |
| coherence | integration | In context, 'coherence' means consistency, but 'integration' better describes combining academic and extracurricular activities |
| satisfactory way | effective manner | 'Satisfactory' is vague; 'effective' is more specific and academic for describing methods |
| give more focus on | place more emphasis on | 'Give focus on' is informal; 'place emphasis on' is a better academic collocation |
| physical subjects | physical activities | 'Subjects' typically refer to academic disciplines; 'activities' is more appropriate for sports and exercise |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the prompt by identifying two causes (competition and lack of coordination between academic and co-curricular activities) and two solutions (reducing competition and changing the syllabus). However, the ideas are not fully extended or supported with specific examples or detailed explanation.
Examples
Causes are briefly mentioned: 'competition' and 'discrepancy between academic courses and other co-curricular activities.' Solutions are vague: 'reduce competitions' and 'include other physical subjects.' No concrete examples or data are provided to strengthen the arguments.
How to Improve
Develop each point with specific examples. For instance, explain how competition manifests in schools, or suggest practical ways to integrate co-curricular activities, such as mandatory sports periods or project-based learning. Ensure solutions are detailed and actionable.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Paragraphing is logical, but cohesive devices are basic and sometimes misused. Spelling errors disrupt the flow, and connections between ideas could be smoother.
Examples
Use of cohesive phrases like 'To begin with,' 'In addition,' and 'Furthermore.' However, errors like 'amnong' for 'among' and awkward transitions (e.g., 'This essay will outline...') affect coherence. The conclusion summarises but does not effectively synthesise points.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of linking words (e.g., 'consequently,' 'therefore,' 'for instance') to improve flow. Proofread to correct spelling errors that hinder readability. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas progress logically within and between paragraphs.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is limited and repetitive, with several spelling errors and inaccuracies in word choice. There is an attempt to use academic terms, but these are often misspelt or used incorrectly, reducing precision.
Examples
Repeated use of 'competitions' instead of synonyms like 'academic rivalry' or 'pressure.' Spelling errors: 'amnong' (among), 'incresing' (increasing), 'coordinations' (coordination), 'sllaybus' (syllabus), 'excercises' (exercises). Inaccurate collocations: 'mental pressure' instead of 'stress' or 'mental health issues.'
How to Improve
Expand topic-related vocabulary by reading academic articles on education and mental health. Use a dictionary or thesaurus to check spelling and find synonyms. Practice using new words in context to improve accuracy and range.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammatical errors are frequent, including issues with word order, subject-verb agreement, articles, and sentence structure. While simple sentences are mostly clear, attempts at complex sentences contain mistakes that affect meaning.
Examples
Incorrect word order: 'There are main two reasons' should be 'There are two main reasons.' Subject-verb agreement: 'There is no competitions' should be 'There are no competitions.' Article error: 'in a such way' should be 'in such a way.' Missing spaces: 'ofheir' for 'of their.'
How to Improve
Focus on grammar fundamentals, particularly subject-verb agreement, article usage, and word order. Practice writing complex sentences with clauses, ensuring correct punctuation. Review essays for errors before submission, or use grammar-checking tools.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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