This Band 6 essay discusses the impact of academic pressure on student mental health and proposes a school-based solution. While it identifies a key cause, the analysis lacks depth and balance, missing multiple perspectives. Additionally, the coherence of ideas could be improved for a clearer argument.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses both causes and solutions, but the analysis is limited to one cause (social media comparison) and one solution (school-based self-acceptance education), lacking the depth and balance expected for a higher band. The word count (294) meets the minimum requirement. Cohesion is adequate but with some awkward transitions. Lexical range and grammatical structures are sufficient but not varied or precise enough for a high score. Overall, a competent but unexceptional response.
Now write your own — and see how your verdict holds up.
Submit your Education essay and receive AI scores across Task Response, Coherence, Lexical Resource, and Grammar — plus a Band 9 model answer for your exact question.
There have been ongoing concerns about students' long-term development and health, which are caused by mental health issues, specifically because of academic pressure. This essay will explore the causes and a solution that can mitigate the consequences.
There are lots of factors that contribute to academic pressure. However, one reason in particular is the fear of being left behind. As the world had access to social media, many individuals started to often post their academic achievements on the internet. This can, however, make students start comparing themselves to other people more often. They will start to think they're behind in life and push themselves to be good at everything, in which they will start to experience personal pressure. Furthermore, when students fail to meet their own personal expectations, built on other people's accomplishments, eventually it can affect their mental well-being and their long-term goals, mainly because of anxiety and burnout, respectively. To further illustrate this, a recent study, about the connection between social media screentime and causes of mental health issues, showed that the more time spent on social media, the more prominent the health issues became.
The solution to this problem lies in the academic institution. Schools, through teachers, should be able to teach their students how to accept themselves, and that studying at their own pace is fine. They shouldn't judge themselves through other people. This will not only help them in being more stable mentally, but also prevent burnout from falling behind compared to other students.
In conclusion, one of the reasons for mental health issues in the academic scene is the fear of falling behind, particularly when comparing themselves with other people. However, schools can mitigate this by teaching their students on accepting themselves and studying by their own pace
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| had access to social media | has access to social media | Tense inconsistency: the essay uses present tense elsewhere, so 'has' is appropriate. |
| teaching their students on accepting themselves | teaching their students to accept themselves | Preposition misuse: 'on' is incorrect; use 'to' + infinitive. |
| studying by their own pace | studying at their own pace | Preposition error: use 'at' with 'pace'. |
Vocabulary Improvements
6 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| lots of | many | 'Lots of' is too informal for academic writing; 'many' is more appropriate. |
| built on other people's accomplishments | based on other people's accomplishments | 'Built on' implies construction; 'based on' is the correct collocation for comparisons. |
| studying at their own pace is fine | studying at their own pace is acceptable | 'Fine' is informal; 'acceptable' is more suitable for an academic essay. |
| judge themselves through other people | judge themselves by comparing themselves to others | 'Through' is not the correct preposition; the phrase is clearer with 'by comparing themselves to others'. |
| help them in being more stable mentally | help them become mentally stable | 'Help them in being' is wordy and less direct; 'help them become' is concise. |
| prevent burnout from falling behind | prevent burnout resulting from falling behind | The original phrasing is unclear and grammatically awkward; rephrasing clarifies the cause-effect relationship. |
Ready to practise? Get instant AI feedback on your verdict.
Submit your Education essay and receive AI scores across all four IELTS criteria — with specific feedback on whether your solutions are specific, realistic, and matched to your problems.
Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing a cause (fear of being left behind due to social media) and a solution (schools teaching self-acceptance). However, only one cause and one solution are presented, which limits the depth of response. The connection between academic pressure and social media could be more explicitly linked, and the solution is underdeveloped.
Examples
The essay identifies 'fear of being left behind' and 'comparing with others on social media' as a cause, and suggests 'schools should teach students to accept themselves' as a solution. No other causes or solutions are explored.
How to Improve
Expand on multiple causes (e.g., parental expectations, high-stakes exams) and solutions (e.g., counseling, curriculum changes, parental involvement). Provide more specific examples and evidence to support each point.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the flow between ideas is sometimes abrupt, and the second body paragraph (solution) is noticeably shorter and less developed than the first. Transitional phrases are limited.
Examples
The phrase 'However, one reason in particular' is used but feels forced. The solution paragraph begins with 'The solution to this problem lies in the academic institution' without a clear link from the previous paragraph. The conclusion simply restates the introduction.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Moreover', 'In addition', 'Consequently'). Ensure paragraphs are balanced in length and development. Add linking sentences between causes and solutions to create a smoother argument.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks range and precision. Some words are repeated (e.g., 'students', 'pressure', 'mental health'), and collocations are sometimes awkward (e.g., 'personal pressure', 'prominent the health issues became'). There is some attempt at topic-specific vocabulary, but it is not sophisticated.
Examples
Phrases like 'fear of being left behind', 'academic achievements', 'mental well-being' are appropriate. However, 'push themselves to be good at everything' is informal, and 'start to experience personal pressure' is vague.
How to Improve
Use more precise terms (e.g., 'comparative anxiety', 'self-imposed expectations', 'resilience training'). Avoid repetitive wording by employing synonyms (e.g., 'adolescents', 'scholastic demands', 'emotional distress'). Practice using less common but relevant vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
Grammatical structures are mostly simple or compound, with few complex sentences. There are some errors in tense and subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'As the world had access' should be 'has access'; 'they shouldn't judge themselves...' is correct but awkward). Punctuation is generally correct.
Examples
'This can, however, make students start comparing themselves to other people more often.' – comma splice can be improved. 'a recent study...showed that the more time spent on social media, the more prominent the health issues became' – grammatically acceptable but unclear.
How to Improve
Incorporate more complex structures (e.g., conditional sentences, relative clauses). Review tense consistency (present tense is appropriate for general statements). Avoid run-on sentences and practice using semicolons or subordination for clarity.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
RELATED ESSAYS
01
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Write at least 250 words.
There is an old line in the Philippines where a person can be judge with their character at home based on the behavior they display publicly. It is fundamental ...
02
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
"Knowledge is power", is a well-known quote amongst many people. The world has advanced technologically and academically to exceedingly high levels. With such d...
03
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, academic pressure is a reason for health related issues among young people, which includes anxiety, depression and burnout. Which has become a rising ...
04
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them? Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, people with illnesses are increasing rapidly due to the contamination in the environment and unhealthy diets. Becoming a reason to use medicine to mai...
05
In many schools, students are increasingly distracted by digital devices during lessons, which affects their concentration and classroom engagement.What problems does this cause, and what solutions can be implemented to address them? Write at least 250 words.
It is believed by many individuals that school students have shown decline in their ability to focus due to usage of digital devices during classes. However, wh...