This Band 6 IELTS essay discusses the severe academic pressure on teenagers and its impact on mental health. The response identifies key issues like competition and workload but falls slightly short of the required word count, limiting the depth of analysis. Learn how to improve the development of ideas in your writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the topic appropriately, discussing causes (e.g., competition, social media, workload) and solutions (e.g., school reforms, parental support). However, it is slightly under the required word count (247 words vs. 250 minimum), which limits the development of ideas. Language use is generally clear but lacks sophistication in vocabulary and grammatical range.
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Gemini said
In many parts of the world, teenagers are facing intense academic pressure that leads to serious mental health problems like anxiety and burnout. This issue often stems from a combination of high expectations and a competitive environment, but it can be managed through changes in school systems and better support at home.
The primary cause of this problem is the extreme competition for university spots and future jobs. Many students feel that a single low grade will ruin their entire career, leading to constant stress. This is made worse by social media, where students see the achievements of others and feel they are not doing enough. Additionally, the sheer volume of homework and exams leaves very little time for rest or hobbies, which are essential for a healthy mind.
To solve this, schools should focus less on test scores and more on the overall well-being of the student. For example, replacing some exams with creative projects can reduce daily stress. Parents also play a vital role by encouraging their children to value learning rather than just chasing high marks. If we start prioritizing mental health as much as academic success, we can create a much healthier environment for the next generation.
In conclusion, while the drive for success is a major source of stress for teenagers today, it is not an impossible problem to fix. By reducing the workload and changing how we define achievement, we can help students succeed without damaging their mental health.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Vocabulary Improvements
3 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| like | such as | In formal writing, 'such as' is preferred for introducing examples. |
| made worse by | exacerbated by | More academic and precise term for worsening a situation. |
| chasing high marks | pursuing high grades | 'Chasing' is informal; 'pursuing' is more appropriate for academic contexts. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to both parts of the task by identifying causes and suggesting solutions, but the development is somewhat basic and the essay is underlength (247 words vs. 250 required). This affects the depth of analysis.
Examples
Causes include 'extreme competition for university spots' and 'sheer volume of homework'; solutions include schools focusing 'less on test scores' and parents encouraging 'learning rather than just chasing high marks'.
How to Improve
Extend the essay to meet the word count by providing more detailed examples, such as specific case studies or statistical evidence, and explore additional factors like societal expectations or the role of extracurricular activities.
Coherence & Cohesion6.5
Evaluation
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Cohesive devices are used appropriately to link ideas, though they could be more varied.
Examples
Linking words like 'Additionally', 'To solve this', and 'In conclusion' help guide the reader. Paragraphs are logically separated into causes and solutions.
How to Improve
Enhance coherence by using a wider range of linking phrases (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Consequently', 'On the other hand') and ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that aligns with the overall argument.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate for the task but lacks variety and precision. Some words are repeated, and there is limited use of less common lexical items.
Examples
Repeated use of 'stress' and 'pressure'; basic terms like 'high expectations' and 'competitive environment' are used without more nuanced alternatives.
How to Improve
Incorporate more specific vocabulary related to mental health and education, such as 'academic strain', 'psychological resilience', 'holistic development', or 'formative assessments'. Use synonyms to avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
Grammar is generally accurate with few errors, but sentence structures are predominantly simple and compound, limiting the range. Complex structures are minimal.
Examples
Sentences like 'Many students feel that a single low grade will ruin their entire career' are correct but straightforward. No major grammatical errors are present.
How to Improve
Demonstrate grammatical range by using complex sentences with subordinate clauses (e.g., 'Although academic pressure is inevitable, it can be mitigated by...') and varied constructions like conditionals or passive voice where appropriate.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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