This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay addresses the pressing issue of drug abuse, identifying key factors and potential solutions. However, while the ideas are relevant, the arguments lack depth and credible support. Improved clarity in writing and stronger examples are crucial for achieving a higher band score.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Drugs · 40 min
Drug abuse has become a growing concern in many societies. What are the factors that contribute to the increasing problem of drug abuse in our society, and how can we address them?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the question, identifying causes (poverty, lack of education) and solutions (jobs, education programs), and meets the word count. However, the arguments lack depth and credible support; examples such as 'Black Friday in New York' and 'McDonalds offered jobs in 2010' appear fabricated or poorly explained. Cohesion is adequate but weakened by awkward phrasing. Lexical range is narrow with frequent errors, and grammatical mistakes (e.g., 'have not a job', 'the have') reduce clarity. Overall, the essay is on-topic but needs stronger development and more accurate language.
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In modern society, there is a growing debate about drug abuse. From my point of view there are several causes that contribute to this phenomenon such as lack of education and poverty, however there are also solutions like new jobs opportunities and health education.
Firstly, people who are using drugs are also poor, because a job" title="Correction: they do not have a job">they have not a job. This is important because people are addicted to drugs in order to reduce their suffering. For instance, a national report on drug consumption" title="Correction: a national report on drug consumption">a national report for drug consumption in USA has reported that after the black Friday in New York the amount of drug consumption for person has increased from 10 to 20 grams in 2016. As a result, people after losing their jobs decided to use drugs. Another considerable cause is the lack of education, because people cannot really understand the health problems caused by drugs. For example, drugs addicts have a reduction of the brain dimensions for the neuron's loss and the have also less bone density.
One of the solutions for reduce the drugs consumption is the possibility to find them a job because in this way they can a sense of purpose" title="Correction: have a sense of purpose">be part of something. This is important because they can feel less lonely and they have less need of drugs. To illustrate, Mc Donalds offered in 2010 jobs a people addicted to drugs as a result, the 70% of them did not consume it anymore.
Another solution, the problems" title="Correction: may be education about the problems">may be educational about the problems caused by drugs. This is important because, only with serious education program starting from children is possible to inform people about their health outcomes. For example, drug addicts can teach to others their problems and the public about the risks" title="Correction: inform the public about the risks">inform populations about the risks of drugs.
In conclusion, the reasons why people are addicted are frequently the absence of jobs and the lack of education. The solution for decrease the drug addicts may be to involved them in a stable jobs, moreover there is the need to start in the early stage with educational programs.
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Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
3 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| the | they |
| a | to |
| Mc Donalds | McDonald's |
Grammatical Mistakes
9 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| they have not a job | they do not have a job | Incorrect negation: 'have not a job' should be 'do not have a job' or 'have no job' |
| after the black Friday | after Black Friday | Article misuse with proper noun 'Black Friday' |
| for person | per person | Incorrect preposition; 'per person' is the correct collocation for rates |
| drugs addicts | drug addicts | Adjective 'drug' should be singular, not plural |
| the have | they have | Typo: 'the' is not a pronoun; should be 'they' |
| for reduce the drugs consumption | to reduce drug consumption | 'for reduce' should be 'to reduce'; 'the' and plural 'drugs' are unnecessary |
| jobs a people | jobs to people | Incorrect preposition; 'a' is a typo for 'to' |
| the 70% of them | 70% of them | Unnecessary definite article before a percentage |
| to involved them in a stable jobs | to involve them in stable jobs | 'to involved' should be 'to involve'; 'a stable jobs' should be 'stable jobs' (no article with plural) |
Vocabulary Improvements
4 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| a national report for drug consumption | a national report on drug consumption | Incorrect preposition collocation; 'report on' is standard |
| be part of something | have a sense of purpose | Vague phrase; more precise alternative for academic writing |
| may be educational about the problems | may be education about the problems | 'Educational' is an adjective; the noun 'education' is needed here |
| inform populations about the risks | inform the public about the risks | 'Populations' is unnatural; 'the public' is more idiomatic |
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Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay identifies relevant causes and solutions, but the development is superficial. The link between poverty and drug abuse is asserted without real evidence, and the example about 'Black Friday' does not clearly connect to job loss. Solutions are mentioned but lack practical detail or logical reasoning.
Examples
'people who are using drugs are also poor, because they have not a job' – oversimplified claim. 'after the black Friday in New York the amount of drug consumption... increased' – unclear and unsupported.
How to Improve
Use specific, credible examples (e.g., unemployment statistics or case studies). Explain the causal chain more clearly, and ensure each solution is logically tied to a cause. Avoid overgeneralizations.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear overall structure (introduction, causes, solutions, conclusion) and uses some linking words (firstly, for instance, as a result, another cause, in conclusion). However, internal paragraph flow is sometimes disjointed, and the example about Black Friday disrupts coherence.
Examples
The transition from 'lack of education' to the example about brain dimensions is abrupt. The sentence 'drug addicts have a reduction of the brain dimensions... and the have also less bone density' does not clearly support the cause.
How to Improve
Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea. Connect examples more directly to the point. Vary cohesive devices and use referencing (this, such, these) to link ideas smoothly.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is basic and repetitive (e.g., 'drugs', 'addicted', 'education' used repeatedly). There are attempts at variety but errors limit effectiveness. Some phrases are awkward (e.g., 'consumption for person', 'a people addicted to drugs').
Examples
'drug consumption for person' should be 'per person'. 'did not consume it anymore' is informal and inaccurate – better: 'stopped using drugs'. 'the have also less bone density' – typo for 'they have'.
How to Improve
Learn collocations (e.g., 'substance abuse', 'drug dependency', 'prevention programs'). Use synonyms to avoid repetition (e.g., 'impoverished', 'unemployed', 'health literacy'). Practice using precise academic vocabulary.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
There are frequent grammatical errors, particularly with articles, verb tenses, and negation. Sentence structures are mostly simple or compound, with few complex clauses. Errors sometimes obscure meaning.
Examples
'because they have not a job' – should be 'do not have a job'. 'One of the solutions for reduce' – should be 'to reduce'. 'drugs addicts' – plural possessive error. 'the have also less bone density' – missing subject 'they'.
How to Improve
Review basic grammar: articles (a/an/the), subject-verb agreement, and correct use of infinitives. Practice forming complex sentences with 'because', 'although', 'which'. Proofread for common typos and run-on errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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