This Band 6 IELTS mental health essay highlights causes and solutions regarding academic pressure among teenagers. Key feedback notes issues with organization and clarity, pointing to the need for a more structured approach to enhance comprehension.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay meets the minimum word count (340 words) and addresses the prompt by identifying causes (e.g., competition, comparison, unequal opportunities) and suggesting solutions (e.g., equal opportunities, workshops, counseling). However, it lacks a clear conclusion, and ideas are not fully developed. There are issues with organization, spelling, grammar, and word choice that affect overall clarity and coherence.
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Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development. Hence, raising concern regarding its severity is the foremost responsibity of everyone involved.
Nowdays, there is a tough academic competition in all the educational institutes, every student is striving for good grades and exellence in their studies. When these students do not get the grades that they have been striving for, they get disappointed and stressed, which further lead to anxiety and depression. One of the major cause of this issue is comparison of students with each other. Even parents compare their children's grades or marks with other children's marks making them more consious, and giving them an impression that they are not doing eough.
The other reason would be the shortage of equal opportunities for all students. Their are some students who cannot afford admission in private educational institutes due to high fees structure and the education provided in government institites is usually not good enough that can open new doors of success for them. For example their are two students striving to get admission in medical school, one student work hard but was unable to get admission in public sector medical college, due to limited seats, whereas the other student did not worked so hard, but had enough resources to get admission in private sector medical college, therefore, the hardworking student will definitely be disappointed, and this disappointment will gradually be converted to anxiety and depression, affecting the students' well being and development.
The best possible solution to this problem will be providing equal opportunities to all students. Besides, every education institute should arrange stress management workshops for students, where they can learn how to properly manage their stress, anxiety and depression. Along with this career counselling sessions should be arranged in every institute, where students can be shown windows to different successful careers. Other than this, parents and teachers should be warned against comparing children with others, so not to develop complexes in them.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Spelling Mistakes
9 errors| Misspelled Word | Corrected Word |
|---|---|
| responsibity | responsibility |
| Nowdays | Nowadays |
| exellence | excellence |
| consious | conscious |
| eough | enough |
| institites | institutes |
| Their | There |
| their | there |
| well being | well-being |
Grammatical Mistakes
8 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| burnout.This | burnout. This | Missing space after period; should be separate sentences. |
| institutes, every | institutes. Every | Comma splice; use period to separate independent clauses. |
| which further lead to | which further leads to | Subject-verb agreement; 'which' is singular here, requiring 'leads'. |
| One of the major cause | One of the major causes | After 'one of', the noun should be plural. |
| not good enough that can open | not good enough to open | Incorrect construction; use infinitive 'to open' instead of 'that can open'. |
| one student work hard | one student worked hard | Tense inconsistency; should be past tense 'worked' to match 'was unable'. |
| did not worked | did not work | After auxiliary verb 'did', the main verb should be in base form 'work'. |
| so not to | so as not to | Incorrect phrase; 'so as not to' is the standard form to express purpose. |
Vocabulary Improvements
12 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| tough | intense | 'Tough' is informal; 'intense' is more appropriate for academic writing. |
| get | become | 'Get' is informal; 'become' is more formal. |
| conscious | self-conscious | 'Conscious' means awake or aware; in context, 'self-conscious' better describes feeling judged or compared. |
| shortage | lack | 'Shortage' often refers to physical goods; 'lack' is better for abstract concepts like opportunities. |
| fees structure | fee structure | 'Fee structure' is the standard collocation; 'fees' is plural and less common in this phrase. |
| doors of success | avenues to success | 'Doors of success' is a mixed metaphor; 'avenues to success' is more standard. |
| be converted to | turn into | 'Converted to' implies transformation, but 'turn into' is more idiomatic for emotions. |
| education institute | educational institution | 'Educational institution' is the standard term in academic writing. |
| properly | effectively | 'Properly' is vague; 'effectively' is more precise in this context. |
| windows to | exposure to | 'Windows to' is informal and vague; 'exposure to' is clearer and more academic. |
| warned against | advised against | 'Warned' has a negative connotation; 'advised' is more appropriate for educational contexts. |
| complexes | inferiority complexes | 'Complexes' is vague; 'inferiority complexes' is more precise in this context. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The essay responds to the task by discussing causes and solutions, but the introduction is repetitive and the conclusion is absent. Ideas are relevant but could be more extended and focused.
Examples
Causes include academic competition and comparison; solutions include stress management workshops and career counseling. However, the point about equal opportunities is somewhat tangential and not deeply linked to mental health causes.
How to Improve
Ensure a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for causes and solutions separately, and a conclusion. Develop each idea with more explanation and examples directly related to mental health.
Coherence & Cohesion5.5
Evaluation
The essay has basic paragraphing but lacks logical progression between ideas. Cohesive devices are used but sometimes awkwardly, and there is no concluding paragraph.
Examples
The first paragraph mixes introduction with causes. Transitions like 'Hence,' 'Nowdays,' and 'Besides' are used but not always effectively. The essay jumps from causes to solutions without clear separation.
How to Improve
Use separate paragraphs for introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion. Improve linking words (e.g., 'Furthermore,' 'In addition') and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence.
Lexical Resource5.5
Evaluation
Vocabulary is adequate but repetitive and with several spelling errors. Some word choices are inappropriate or inaccurate.
Examples
Spelling errors: 'Nowdays' (Nowadays), 'exellence' (excellence), 'consious' (conscious), 'eough' (enough), 'institites' (institutes). Incorrect use of 'their' for 'there' (e.g., 'Their are some students').
How to Improve
Expand vocabulary range by using more precise terms related to education and mental health. Proofread for spelling and use words like 'aware' instead of 'consious,' and ensure correct homophones (e.g., there vs. their).
Grammatical Range & Accuracy5.5
Evaluation
Grammar is limited with frequent errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. Sentences are mostly simple, with attempts at complex structures but inaccuracies.
Examples
Errors: 'One of the major cause' (should be 'causes'), 'did not worked' (should be 'did not work'), 'giving them an impression' (article error, could be 'the impression' or 'a impression'). Run-on sentences and fragments exist.
How to Improve
Practice using a variety of complex sentences with correct clauses. Focus on verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Proofread to avoid basic errors like 'did not worked.'
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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