This Band 6 IELTS Writing Task 2 essay discusses the causes of student behaviour issues, including parental support and digital device dependence. While it captures essential ideas, it shows a need for deeper elaboration and improved cohesion, making it a valuable resource for IELTS students seeking to enhance their writing skills.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Student Behaviour · 40 min
Student behaviour is a serious issue in many schools around the world. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?
Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing causes (parental support and digital devices) and solutions (social manners and information literacy). It meets the word count requirement (280 words). However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited, and there are noticeable issues with cohesion, vocabulary choice, and grammar that prevent higher scores.
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Many teachers around the world seem to have difficulty dealing with the inappropriate behaviour of children. I believe that the primary reasons come from the declining support from parents and their growing dependence on digital devices in daily life. Practical solutions such as the education of social manners and information literacy will be necessary to promote their responsible acts in the future.
The main reason for the growing difficulty of schools in managing students originates from the declining efforts of parents in their children. That's to say, these children are left alone, with little to no guidance from their parents, who are mostly dealing with other personal matters and are unable to come home till late. This, in turn, leads to laziness, violence, and other misconduct due to solitude. Furthermore, schools should continue to stress the importance of manners and good morals to enable take responsibility for their own wrongdoings.
Another significant cause of inappropriate behaviour in students can be linked to the prevalent and excessive use of digital devices and social media networks, which creates more trouble among friends. As social networks such as Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram have become the dominant source of communication, such problems have increased dramatically. Therefore, lessons in information literacy should be provided to students for them to understand the effects of their actions.
In conclusion, many teachers have a struggling experience in dealing with issues of children whose wrongdoings escalate due to their increasing separation from their parents and their growing SNS troubles as digital devices have become primary sources of communication among them. Thus, schools are expected to put importance on social manners and information literacy to promote their sense of responsibility.
AI Feedback Report Details
Spelling · Grammar · Vocabulary · Criteria Analysis
Grammatical Mistakes
3 errors| Mistake | Correction | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| the declining efforts of parents in their children | the declining efforts of parents in raising their children | Prepositional phrase error; 'in their children' is incomplete and should specify the context of efforts. |
| to enable take responsibility | to enable them to take responsibility | Missing object after 'enable'; 'enable' requires an object followed by an infinitive verb. |
| have a struggling experience | have difficulty | Awkward phrasing; 'struggling experience' is not standard. Use 'have difficulty' for better clarity and flow. |
Vocabulary Improvements
5 suggestions| Original Word/Phrase | Improved Word/Phrase | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| That's to say | That is to say | Contraction is too informal for academic writing; use the full form for formality. |
| till late | until late | 'till' is informal; 'until' is preferred in formal contexts. |
| SNS troubles | social media troubles | 'SNS' is an informal acronym; use 'social media' for clarity and formality. |
| put importance on | emphasize | 'put importance on' is a less formal collocation; 'emphasize' is more concise and academic. |
| struggling experience | difficulty | Vague phrasing; 'difficulty' is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. |
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response6
Evaluation
The candidate responds to all parts of the task, presenting relevant causes and solutions. However, the ideas are not fully extended, and the solutions are mentioned briefly without detailed elaboration.
Examples
For instance, the link between parental absence and student misconduct is stated but not explored in depth. The suggested solution of 'education of social manners' is not explained with specific methods or examples.
How to Improve
Develop each paragraph with more detailed explanations and concrete examples. Explain precisely how lack of parental guidance leads to poor behavior, and propose specific school-based interventions for teaching social manners and digital literacy.
Coherence & Cohesion6
Evaluation
The essay has a clear overall structure (introduction, two body paragraphs, conclusion). However, the logical flow within paragraphs is occasionally disrupted, and cohesive devices are sometimes used mechanically or inappropriately.
Examples
In the first body paragraph, 'Furthermore' is used to introduce a solution rather than an additional point, which disrupts the focus. The conclusion largely repeats the introduction without synthesizing ideas further.
How to Improve
Use more appropriate transition words (e.g., 'Therefore,' 'Consequently') to signal solutions. Consider separating causes and solutions into distinct paragraphs for clearer organization. Ensure each paragraph has a single central topic.
Lexical Resource6
Evaluation
The vocabulary is adequate for the task, with attempts at less common words. However, there are inaccuracies, informal expressions, and some awkward phrasing that reduce the precision and academic tone.
Examples
The abbreviation 'SNS' is informal; 'struggling experience' is not idiomatic (better: 'struggle' or 'difficult experience'). 'Enable take responsibility' should be 'enable them to take responsibility.'
How to Improve
Use more formal and precise vocabulary. Replace informal terms like 'SNS' with 'social media' or 'social networking services.' Review collocations and avoid abbreviations in academic writing. Proofread for word choice errors.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy6
Evaluation
There is a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but several grammatical errors are present, affecting clarity and occasionally hindering communication.
Examples
Missing pronoun in 'to enable take responsibility' (correct: 'to enable them to take responsibility'). Awkward phrasing in 'their growing SNS troubles as digital devices have become primary sources.' 'A struggling experience' is grammatically incorrect.
How to Improve
Practice constructing complex sentences with correct grammar. Pay attention to verb patterns (e.g., enable + object + to-infinitive). Proofread for sentence structure errors and ensure subject-verb agreement and parallel structure.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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