Achieving a Band 7.5 in your IELTS writing task 2 is commendable, especially on a topic like academic pressure and mental health. This essay successfully outlines the causes of stress in teenagers while offering practical solutions. However, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety and cohesion that can help elevate your writing.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay effectively addresses the causes and solutions to the issue of academic pressure causing mental health issues among teenagers. It is clear, organized, and meets the word count requirement. There is room for improvement in lexical variety and sentence complexity.
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Nowadays, many teenagers experience mental health problems because of academic pressure. Students are expected to get high grades, pass difficult exams, and compete with others. As a result, many young people suffer from anxiety, depression, and burnout. This essay will discuss the main causes of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.
One of the main causes of academic stress is the strong competition in education. Teenagers often believe that good grades are the only way to achieve success in the future. Because of this, they spend too much time studying and have little time to relax or enjoy hobbies. Lack of rest and free time can seriously affect their mental health.
Another reason is pressure from parents and teachers. Some adults expect teenagers to always perform perfectly at school. If students fail to meet these expectations, they may feel disappointed in themselves and lose confidence. In addition, social media also increases stress because students compare their achievements with others online.
There are several ways to solve this issue. Firstly, schools should create a healthier learning environment. For example, they can reduce the amount of homework and provide counseling services for students who feel stressed. Schools should also encourage sports and other extracurricular activities to help students relax.
Secondly, parents should support their children emotionally instead of focusing only on grades. Teenagers need understanding and encouragement from their families. Parents should remember that every child has different talents and abilities.
In conclusion, academic pressure is causing serious mental health issues among teenagers due to competition, high expectations, and social comparison. However, this problem can be reduced if schools and parents work together to support students and help them live more balanced lives.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
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Task Response8
Evaluation
The essay effectively identifies and explores the causes of academic pressure on teenagers and suggests practical solutions.
Examples
The essay discusses competition in education, expectations from parents and teachers, and social media as causes, and suggests reducing homework, providing counseling, and encouraging extracurricular activities as solutions.
How to Improve
To improve further, consider discussing more causes and solutions in detail or provide specific examples or evidence to support the claims.
Coherence & Cohesion7.5
Evaluation
The essay is well organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. It maintains good cohesion throughout.
Examples
The use of phrases like 'One of the main causes', 'Another reason', 'There are several ways' supports coherence and guides the reader.
How to Improve
To enhance cohesion, it could benefit from more sophisticated linking devices and possibly smoother transitions between ideas.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic but lacks variety in lexical choice.
Examples
Words like 'academic pressure', 'mental health', 'stress', 'expectations', and 'encouragement' are used but could be enriched by synonyms or more advanced terms.
How to Improve
To improve lexical resource, include a wider range of vocabulary and consider using less common words or phrases where appropriate.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7.5
Evaluation
The essay displays a good range of grammatical structures with a high level of accuracy.
Examples
The essay uses complex sentences and varied structures, such as 'If students fail to meet these expectations, they may feel disappointed'.
How to Improve
For further improvement, focus on increasing the complexity of sentence structures and the use of different sentence types for better impact.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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