This Band 7 IELTS essay addresses the critical issue of academic pressure affecting teenagers' mental health. It provides insightful causes and solutions but could enhance its lexical variety and cohesion for an even stronger response.
IELTS Writing Task 2 Question
Problem/ Solution · Education · 40 min
Academic pressure is causing mental health issues among teenagers, including anxiety, depression, and burnout.This growing problem is affecting students’ well-being and long-term development.
What are the causes of this issue, and what solutions can be suggested?Write at least 250 words.
Score Breakdown
IELTS Writing Band Scores (1–9)
Summary: The essay fully addresses the prompt, discussing causes and solutions for academic pressure-related mental health issues. It meets the word count requirement (320 words) and is well-organised. Minor improvements in lexical variety and grammatical precision could elevate the score further.
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Academic pressure has become a significant factor contributing to mental health issues among teenagers. Increasingly, students face anxiety, depression, and burnout as they struggle to meet high expectations from schools, parents, and even themselves. Understanding the causes of this problem is essential in order to develop effective solutions.
One major cause is the intense competition in education systems. Students are often judged primarily by their grades and test scores, which can determine their future academic and career opportunities. This creates a constant fear of failure. In addition, parental expectations can place extra stress on teenagers. Many parents, wanting the best for their children, may unintentionally push them too hard, leaving little room for rest or personal interests.
Another contributing factor is the lack of balance between academic and personal life. Teenagers often spend long hours studying, attending extra classes, and completing assignments, which reduces time for relaxation, hobbies, and social interaction. This imbalance can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout. Furthermore, social comparison, especially through social media, can make students feel inadequate if they believe others are performing better.
To address this issue, several solutions can be implemented. Schools should focus on creating a more supportive learning environment by reducing excessive workloads and incorporating mental health education into the curriculum. Encouraging alternative forms of assessment, rather than relying solely on exams, can also help reduce stress.
Parents play a crucial role as well. They should provide emotional support, set realistic expectations, and encourage open communication. Instead of focusing only on academic success, parents can emphasize personal growth and well-being.
Finally, students themselves should be taught coping strategies, such as time management, mindfulness, and seeking help when needed. Access to school counselors or mental health professionals is also vital.
In conclusion, academic pressure is a serious issue affecting teenagers’ mental health, but with combined efforts from schools, parents, and students, it can be managed effectively, promoting healthier and more balanced development.
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Detailed Criteria Feedback
AI-powered analysis for each scoring criterion
Task Response7
Evaluation
The essay clearly identifies multiple causes (competition, parental expectations, lack of balance, social comparison) and proposes relevant solutions (school reforms, parental support, student coping strategies). Both parts of the prompt are adequately developed.
Examples
Causes: 'intense competition in education systems', 'parental expectations', 'lack of balance', 'social comparison'. Solutions: 'reducing excessive workloads', 'mental health education', 'time management'.
How to Improve
To achieve a higher score, expand on one or two points with more specific examples or evidence, and ensure all ideas are fully justified.
Coherence & Cohesion7
Evaluation
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for causes and solutions, and a conclusion. Transitional phrases (e.g., 'One major cause', 'Another contributing factor', 'To address this issue') aid coherence. Paragraphing is effective.
Examples
Use of 'In addition', 'Furthermore', 'Finally' to link ideas within sections. Clear separation of causes and solutions.
How to Improve
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., 'consequently', 'as a result', 'moreover') and ensure consistent referencing to avoid repetition.
Lexical Resource7
Evaluation
Good range of vocabulary related to the topic (e.g., 'intense competition', 'emotional exhaustion', 'alternative forms of assessment'). Some phrases are slightly informal ('push them too hard') but overall appropriate for IELTS.
Examples
Positive: 'constant fear of failure', 'realistic expectations', 'coping strategies'. Minor: 'takes time' could be 'consumes time'.
How to Improve
Incorporate more precise academic vocabulary (e.g., 'exacerbates', 'mitigate', 'holistic development') and avoid repetition of 'stress'.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy7
Evaluation
Most sentences are grammatically correct and varied in structure (simple, compound, complex). There are a few minor issues (e.g., 'which can determine' after a comma – acceptable; one sentence lacks a verb in 'Another contributing factor is...' all fine). Tense consistency is maintained.
Examples
Correct: 'Students are often judged primarily by their grades... this creates a constant fear of failure.' The use of 'Furthermore' starts a new sentence with correct punctuation.
How to Improve
Work on complex structures with non-defining relative clauses and conditional sentences (e.g., 'If schools reduce workloads, students might experience less burnout'). Proofread for minor preposition errors.
Tip: Review the Band 9 model answer to see how a high-scoring essay structures arguments, uses advanced vocabulary, and maintains coherence throughout.
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